Living Together?


#1

Hello Friends,

 The other day my girlfriend asked a Father is it ok for unmarried adults to live together.  The Father replied that if you are not married it is not ok.  The example he gave her was that if you see a couple leave a motel what goes threw your mind.  The first thing that went threw my mind is that if it is wrong to judge why do we need to worry about how other people think about us.  The only person we need to worry about is God.  So I went to God to try to understand why it is wrong.  The only example I found is the VII Comandment and that is only to prevent sex before marriage.  I understand the temptation but if you truly feel that having sex before marriage is wrong it shouldn't matter if you are in the same room or not.  Any examples would be great and I am looking forward to your responds.

#2

Hello :slight_smile:

My finace and I found out earlier this year that we were expecting. We had given into temptation before marriage, and from that point on decided on complete chasity until we got married. We’re still waiting to get married because of his annulment. Anyway, I moved to his side of town and got an apt. below his. We ate dinner together, watched t.v. together, and then I went downstairs to sleep. Finally, because of financial reasons, we moved into a very large apt. in the same complex. He has his own room waaaay down the hall, and I sleep in the nursery with the baby. The point is, now I’m anxious for our wedding night because I KNOW that it will be special. The point I think the church is trying to make is that living together causes scandal, but then again you are right with the point that YOU know what’s going on, let people be prejudiced if they want to.

My belief is if you wait to live together, it will make being married even MORE special.

Take Care!!


#3

look im gonna get reemed for this but here goes. i live with my fiance whom im marrying in three weeks. the temptation was horrible, and we have been unsuccessful at waiting until marriage. we now sleep in seperate bedrooms but the temptation is HORRIBLE! not to mention the scrutiny and judgement we feel from our fellow parishoners that know. we had a tough circumstance that caused us to move intogether we never planned it. in fact the day we decided that it was what had to be done we found an apartment and moved in that weekend. we are very involved with our church and we try to keep our private lives private. some people have put two and two together (same phone number, addresses etc…) we have made our peace with God and dont feel that this has damned us in anyway. God is of course infanatly understanding and merciful. if you are not prepared to deal with peoples closedmindedness and the boredum they have in their lives that cause them to think scandalously about others then i wouldnt recommend doing it. im just grateful we’ll be married in 3 weeks and i wont have to deal with their judgemental garbage anymore.

in my personal opinion i dont think it affects marriage IF you have a date set, dont expect to move in with someone as a test drive. thats wrong, but if youre already commited to marriage and ready to deal with the awful judgement you will face, then it is a personal decision between you and God and i would pray on it extensively beforehand.

OK guys go ahead tell me how wrong i am, i’ve doomed my marriage etc…etc…etc…


#4

[quote=RgtAct]Hello Friends,

I understand the temptation but if you truly feel that having sex before marriage is wrong it shouldn’t matter if you are in the same room or not.
[/quote]

No, with respect, I don’t think you do understand the temptation, and underestimate the power of temptation in general.

One of the things that I can recall being taught to me in my Catechism classes (I know that dates me, because I actually went to school when Catechism was actually taught) is the prime importance of avoiding sin by avoiding the occasions of sin. If you gamble to excess, don’t go into casinos. If you can’t control your intake of alcohol once you start, don’t go into bars.

Where a man and a woman are attracted, and that attraction leads to the development of a close one-to-one relationship, sexual intimacy is much more the next expected stop on the route, rather than an optional detour. Even a biologist (like me) can make that case very easily, without reference to the spiritual reality of two becoming one flesh. We are made so that coming to that latter reality is a natural step, not an enforced, unnatural one. So avoiding that step is a fight against not only spiritual forces, but biological human nature itself. A couple is playing Russian roulette with 5 bullets in the chamber if they think they can fight that.

And suppose they succeed? Is that a victory? I am hard put to accept that the suppression of this mechanism, day after day, in the face of constant temptation, can do nothing but harm to the individuals involved.

It’s no more complicated than the admonition to leave the matches in the box on the shelf if you don’t intend to start a fire.

Blessings,

Gerry


#5

please see:

www.pureloveclub.com/chastity/index.php?id+7&entryid+128

Blessings


#6

Sorry,

when you get to that website, click on dating then go to shacking up and under that topic you find an answer to should I live with my girlfriend/boyfriend before marrige if we’re not sleeping together.

Hope it helps


#7

TarAshley, You did put yourself into a tough position and you are supposed to avoid near occasions of sin.The fact that you say you have been unsuccesful at waiting adds to the point that you should avoid the situation.

Don’t put yourself in that kind of situation.


#8

[quote=RgtAct] … I understand the temptation but if you truly feel that having sex before marriage is wrong it shouldn’t matter if you are in the same room or not. …
[/quote]

I would imagine that if you were going to have sex it would make a big difference if you were in the same room or not.
:wink:

Sorry, cheap shot, couldn’t resist :o

I too live with my fiancé
Probably technically a no-no but I works out best for us for a number of reasons
If it’s not for you than don’t do it


#9

Living together is also scandal to others. You may think that even if innocent it doesn’t matter and who are others to judge me, but it does give rise to scandal.


#10

Jesus Christ condemned the actions of the woman at the well when he said, “The man you have now is not your husband.” If Jesus Christ was in person to you, could you honestly look at His nail-scarred body and loving eyes, and tell Him you are proud or unashamed of your actions?

Whether you are having non-marital sex or not, it is a scandal to the Church Jesus Christ founded, to behave “as if.” This is a near occasion of sin. This is scandal. Living together outside of marriage is sinful, I don’t care what the financial reasons are.


#11

Techically a no-no??? Is that what you call “SIN”–a “no-no”???
HMMMM, there seems to be a lot of rationalization in the posts of this thread.


#12

and, when you go to a particular church, or believe a particular set of teachings, then you are a representative of the church, or dare I say Jesus.

So then, Jesus said it’s OK for us to shack up?

Or maybe those outside the church will see that "Those supposed Catholics are living in sin, so what??"
What are you hoping to portray?


#13

Wedding date, engagement ring,whatever…

I DON’T CARE

this is no reason for living together to be ok. One’s fiance could die at anytime. things happen. we should always be striving to live the way God wants us to every minute, and plans to marry do not constitute marriage. therefore, living together before marriage is scandalous.


#14

[quote=TreeHugger]Wedding date, engagement ring,whatever…

I DON’T CARE

this is no reason for living together to be ok. One’s fiance could die at anytime. things happen. we should always be striving to live the way God wants us to every minute, and plans to marry do not constitute marriage. therefore, living together before marriage is scandalous.
[/quote]

It’s also very unsuccessful with something like 85% of these living together arrangements that subsequently marry failing within five years.


#15

[quote=buffalo]It’s also very unsuccessful with something like 85% of these living together arrangements that subsequently marry failing within five years.
[/quote]

I’ve never been able to figure out how sooooooo many people can ignore the stats. They all say, “Oh, that won’t happen to us.” Don’t they think the people in the 85% category said that too? I’m sure that the 85% category also thought that they had a grand reason for living together.


#16

NO SHACKING!.. :bigyikes:


#17

I agree that there is really no way to rationalize or justify it. But, we have people here who have experienced real difficulty, and not a one of us is perfect. I think, yes, if Jesus approached us we wouldn’t be proud of our sins; I don’t think anyone here is proud of having sinned, really. . .but I also think that the most important part to remember is that we have to help bear each other’s burdens. We don’t want to make them any harder than they already are.

We don’t have to beat people when they’re already down, right? We can be encouraging of the future without bringing up the present. That doesn’t mean we’re IGNORING current sin, it means that we are aware, trust the person to rectify the situation, and give them a :thumbsup: that they’ll be doing the right thing in future.


#18

easily remedied with a trip to the JP


#19

not if youre a catholic JP marriages dont count… trust me… i tried, a wedding is the biggest pain in the toushy for Catholics and well for anyone in General… if youre not Catholic… ELOPE!!!


#20

[quote=SP38]easily remedied with a trip to the JP
[/quote]

Wouldn’t it be better to be married “properly” by a priest in a church??


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