I’m Dominican… I come from a culture of machismo. I’ve been abused and seen abuse… it is not a pretty picture… too many times people look the other way or pretend it is not there or are genuinely ignorant that the abuse is taking place…
Here’s what took place in my home… Know that Mom was the most devout Catholic ever; I would kid that she was more Catholic than the Pope (never to her since she would quickly correct me for being disrespectful)… I never saw him physically touch Mom… but he badgered her almost daily on almost every single issue… when Mom would shutdown (she was never disrespectful nor used profanities nor shouted/yelled)… he would reconsider… it was the Jekyll and Hyde, thing… after the Hyde was sated the Jekyll would come back with ‘Pulula… lo que yo quiero es complacerla…’ (Pulula, all I want is to please you…) or some other tired and choreographed pretense of love, care, and service…
Many of hollowood’s romances are precisely stereo typed in that ‘I hate you because I love you’ theme. Patching thins up with chocolates, flowers, or constructed/feigned sings of affection only after destroying and oppressing the ones that they purport to “love” and only to maintain control and access so that they could repeat the cycle over and over again.
…then there’s that hollowood training that females have gotten: ‘man is always right, even when his beating you down’ and ‘woman is always the cause why her man would beat, cheat, abuse, freak out, explode, and kill her.’
Do you want to see yourself on the wrong end of the “love?” Just suggest to him that you need family counseling. Sadly, when things go wrong the abuser is the last person to accept that he/she needs to give up his/her anger/abusive behavior. It’s like that cartoon sketch that has been carried from old: ‘a man at a bar is told by the bartender that he has had enough, that he should go home; he turns to the bartender and tells him, ‘I know when I’ve had enough’ and as he starts to slide off the stool he picks up the glass and exclaims, ‘hit me again, barkeep!’ and slopes down to the floor.’
Please do not play the self-blame game or the waiting game or the what if game… if nothing more, get some personal counseling from your local Priest–if you have family members that are trustworthy let them in on what you are experiencing, if nothing else they can serve as moral support while you go through this experience.