Living with intrusive thoughts, might be OCD? Help/Advice?

Hello.
I wanted to start this forum because something have been happening to me lately and its worrying me out a lot. I feel like I might have OCD…
I get disturbing thoughts out of nowhere that literally make me cringe. Thoughts of ME hurting my loved ones, pets, EVERYONE. Me causing pain to them, hurting them…
I feel like its taking over my life.
I even have to repeatedly do things sometimes(go through the same door multiple times, read the same sentences, read things a certain way, talk a certain way.etc.)kind of like a ritual because if I don’t, I feel something bad will happen to me or my loved ones and it will be all my fault.
I hate my self so much and have spent days crying over how I am mentally ill and thinking that God hates me.
I feel like he does.

Please, anyone, help me, give me advice!
I don’t want to be this way, think or act this way!
It’s really killing me.

First off, go see a doctor. If you do have OCD, there may be help for that. I have OCD, and sometimes it drives me up the wall. But I also have other things I’ve been diagnosed with. Medication and therapy have been a great help. But getting to a doctor is just the first step. There are ways that they will “test” you. And they will probably arrange for one on one time to make the diagnosis. They won’t be able to tell from just what you’re saying. I can’t remember exactly when I got the diagnosis, and it isn’t always under control, but I am getting help.

Being a person with mental illness issues isn’t the end of the world. Getting hooked up with the right doctor and all is a big first step. And you don’t have to settle for whoever the first doctor is. I’ve been through a few in my time. The others just didn’t seem to be of much help. But I am getting help. Not just in one on one therapy time, but in doing other things to get my mind distracted and off myself. The stigma towards mental illness has been getting better. There’s still a long way to go, but at least I’ve found that in some cases people can be accepting of people like me. It takes time to make friends, especially those who can stick with you during your bad spells. I’ll be praying for you.

Praying for you to get the help you need.

I have disturbing intrusive thoughts that almost always happen when I pray. I used to avoid prayer because of them but now I’ve accepted them and don’t let them keep me from God. They have been getting better but either way I know God understand and loves me the same.

First …. My prayers are going out to you!

Second … I think God is working in a way right now that is leading me to write this post to you. Timing is everything. Let me explain.

I developed OCD about 6 years ago. It was right after my son was born … it was more than just a post-partum thing. Each day my obsessions got worse and worse. I won’t bore you with the details, but they ranged from needing to hear him breath 7 times when I went in to check on him while he was sleeping; dragging my foot across the threshold of his door and over a spot on the rug every time I exited his room; checking my alarm clock 7 times and would need to start the “checking process” over if while the song that was playing (to check the volume) cut off in the middle of a word; etc. There were HUNDREDS of more “obsessions.” I honestly felt that if I didn’t do these things, something bad would happen to my son, my family, me, etc.

It also got worse, because as I would do these things, I would know that this was the devil working inside of me, because God wouldn’t want this for any of His children. … but I continued anyway. (Side note: Where I was a cradle, practicing Catholic at the time, I was nowhere in my journey of faith where I am now … so even my thought of the devil and God was not as obvious to me then as it is to me now).

While at Church, about 3 years ago, the Gospel at Mass was either the exact one that was proclaimed yesterday (March 2nd), or one very similar. I don’t remember the exact Gospel, but what I do remember is the Homily by a visiting Franciscan priest in whom I owe a great deal to now (because of this Homily). It was about worry. He said, “if worrying cleared the snow out of your driveway, then worry; if worrying put money into your bank account, then worry.” … he gave a few other examples, and then said, “but worry does none of these things. God has every hair on your head counted; God does not want you to worry.” There must have been more that he said (but these are what stuck out in my head). It was a month or so later, and I could not get his Homily out of my head … but I continued my obsessive behavior worrying that if I didn’t do these things something bad would happen. Then one day I saw my son “mimic” the foot going across the threshold of the door (something I never even thought he had seen me do), and I realized how my behavior could impact him. At that moment, Fr. Mark David’s Homily whooshed in my head again, and I knew I had to stop.

It was a struggle every minute of every day … but I every time I wanted to revert back to my old ways, I knew I couldn’t. That was 3 years ago. I think this is one of the things that brought me closer to God and having a relationship with Christ that I never had before. I knew this was not something I could do on my own … I learned how to pray, I learned what prayer was. Sometimes it was a simple utterance of “God give me strength,” or “Jesus, I trust in you” when I felt the OCD coming back on.

It’s not easy … every day I see something that could allow me to easily revert back, but knowing that “God is in control, not me,” surely helps! Yesterday, when I was previewing the readings for Mass and I read that that was the Gospel reading, I literally was ecstatic! Our parish priest gave the Homily and did not disappoint. “Do not worry. God will provide. Trust in the Lord.” Knowing how true this is, I learned that I did not have to obsess about anything … God knows what tomorrow is going to bring, and He will take care of everything. All obsessing will do is make me NOT live every moment as God intended for me. I knew I needed to let go of fear and anxiety, and replace it with peace, hope, joy, and love.

I apologize for the lengthiness of this post. … and perhaps I needed to write all this out more than you needed to read it, but I sincerely hope that something I said in here can help you.

I know what it is like to feel the way you are feeling … and my heart and prayers are going out to you.

God bless you … and always place your trust in Him.

Michele

You need to have a proper evaluation, and treatment if needed. You can start by seeing your primary care Dr. Let him/her know of your concertsn/suspicions and ask to be referred to a mental health professional.

Avoid making rituals, you are giving power to these obsessions and the ritual-compulsions.

Instead of these, say a quick prayer, like the Jesus Prayer, or pray to your guardian Angel.

God Bless you!

Hey purple, I know exactly what you’re talking about because i am still going through the same thing as you are. But I must admit after reading some of the stuff online and watching helpful videos on YouTube, The anxiety I felt that goes along with OCD decreased dramatically. One of the best methods I have read online that helped is called exposure and response prevention (ERP).

The idea is to expose yourself to the uncomfortable things, situations, or thoughts and prevent yourself from trying to get rid of the anxiety you would experience. So let’s say a guy who always feels the need to wash his hands after touching anything because of the fear that something bad might happen if he doesn’t. If he were to use the ERP method the first thing he would do is to touch every thing he can find. The next step is to NOT perform the ritual that he would normally do to ease his mind, in this case washing his hands. In time the man will see that nothing bad has happened after all and the anxiety he felt after he touched things will slowly burn down.

In your case purple, you said that you always felt the need to walk through the same door multiple times. use ERP. Walk through that same door only one time. DO NOT give in and perform the ritual you would normally do to bring down your anxiety. DO NOT walk through that same door multiple times! Keep doing this method and in time you will grow stronger in these type of situation that it won’t even bother you.

As for unwanted thoughts that come in your head, let them come. Do not try to block the thoughts out because doing this only makes those thoughts stay longer.

If you would like to know what YouTube videos I watched that helped me, please message me and I will send you the link the next time I’m logged in.

God bless and I will keep you in my prayers.

Please consult a medical doctor immediately for consultation. Posters are not equipped to give you the information and/or treatment needed.

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