I just posted about harassment here on this site. Then I went to the store to buy cigarettes. Yes, I smoke, two packs a day, I’ve been a cripple without a wheelchair since about age 7; and I was out. I posted last night under the “fishing” thread “Adultery”–at the top of the list after I returned from a lengthy reply to the private message in my inbox.
I admitted my indiscretions, which are a complex matter, in my relationship with my husband.
Somebody on a bike yelled “cheater” as I left the store and was walking to my car.
These attacks are obviously coming from this city, which has frequent travelers to my old location in Florida. There is a cheap, nonstop flight from the local airport to the local airport in my area in Florida. This is a deeply religious community, Pennsylvania Dutch and used to be mostly Lutheran. You have to live here for three generations before you are accepted, in other words, I’d have to be long dead.
Don’t know what to do. I am being refused by every psychiatrist and therapist in town. Fortunately I have had better success with genuine medical practitioners. I just got word today that I have to find a new psychiatrist. I politely asked my present one if he would like me to seek other care after some trouble stemming from a source of temptation which I won’t bring up again but of which I have finally been convicted and repented. (and he said yes.) I have one lead on a new psychiatrist. I pray that it proves through. I cannot be without psych meds.
I left behind a trail of disaster in Florida, but it was not all my own doing. In Southern California 21 years ago, at the beginning of my marriage, I was so stressed with medication withdrawals and by my husband and by my underlying disability I could barely eat or dress myself. And then I got pregnant with my son. I practically lost my mind, in fact I did, and spent much of my time in Florida on psych wards. The police got so fed up with phone calls that in the end they finally tasered me and that ended my marriage. I will not return to Florida. I don’t really want to be here as I do not get along with my mother and father, but my son is staying with them, another chronic source of conflict, and I am afraid to leave. So I have been trying to manage and improve my relationship with them as my only recourse. I had another destination in mind when I was getting ready to leave Florida, and probably should have gone there, but my ex-husband made it difficult and temptation reared its ugly head, also, deception.
I can’t say more without compromising myself but I have a bad history here and it is not a good or godly place for me to be.
Please pray for my pathetic plight and those of you who have recently joined in order to harass me please leave me alone.
In the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit, I humbly pray. Amen.
I have returned to say, I feel the heartbeat of Jesus Christ near to me (or is it my son?) to tell me that I’m no better or worse than anybody else except such as the Lord Himself judges.