Long Distant Marriage - Advice Please


#1

In a nutshell; my husband and I are currently not living togeather so that we can achieve our educational dreams. He will be finishing soon and I am sad that he isn’t jumping at the chance move to where I am.

He has been working on his doctorate for years and I was in a job that didn’t fufill me. When I was fired, I was allowed to explore educational options I never was able to before. I wanted to get my degree before we had children because I know it would be near impossible for me in the other order. Every year he promised to graduate “soon” but soon never came so we decided I needed to return to finish my degree while he was finishing.
I found an amazing program and I feel that I will be able to serve the Lord in my current career path but it is a very rare program / degree and the school was out of state. After lots of discussion, we decided that although it would be hard - it wasn’t too long for us to be apart. I assumed that once he graduated, he would be with me but assumed that my two years away wasn’t too long to be apart. He officially will finish this June and wants to take up post graduate work though the work isn’t his dream or calling; just a paycheck.

It tears me up that he is talking about taking a job to settle us financially back east while I go another year without him here. I am getting very lonely and sad without him and it hurts me to think he isn’t rushing to be with me, his wife. I am afraid to ask him to move here because I fear he will resent me for unfairly denying him a job he wants to take. I don’t feel like I am in his career decisions but I always open him to mine.

I don’t want to give up what is fufilling me career wise but I am losing precious time marriage wise. I said that I would quit in a heart beat to be with him but he was angry because we allready have sunk in alot of money for me to go to school. I want this degree so that I can beam with pride to my future children as well as have something to fall back on if he is unable to work.

What should I do?


#2

What should you do?

You two should stop what you are doing and start being married. You both have your priorities screwed up.


#3

I am curious, what do you intend to do once you finish your degree? Do you intend to pursue a career in your field?

If you’re doing this only to have something to fall back on if he is unable to work, what’s the point? You can get insurance to take care of that situation. It wouldn’t even serve its purpose, since if you’re a SAHM for 15 years and then he is unable to work, your 15 year old academic credentials without work experience won’t look good to employers.

If I were you I would finish the degree and work in the field afterward. But if you’re just planning to be a stay at home mom, why get the degree at all?


#4

Why on earth did you get married? :eek:


#5

I think you should tell him how you feel about this job. I feel like maybe there isnt enough communication in your marriage, and it may turn into a very one-sided marriage on either side of your parts. So just to look out for your future- you might want to have a serious discusion of him moving even further away from you.
Hope this helps!


#6

Why don't you ask him if he would consider taking a job near you, that being together is important to you. You might also want to find out why he is drawn to taking this job that he is considering. I don't think it would be a good idea to make any decisions about what either of you should do until you've both had the chance to talk about what each of you wants and why. Then maybe you can take a critical look at how the various options will likely play out relationship-wise and career-wise.


#7

[quote="SeekingWisdom, post:4, topic:177111"]
Why on earth did you get married? :eek:

[/quote]

This

[quote="1ke, post:2, topic:177111"]
What should you do?

You two should stop what you are doing and start being married. You both have your priorities screwed up.

[/quote]

And this


#8

What should you do?
Talk to God - He knows you and your husband infinitely better than anyone on this forum.
Including you. He will tell you "the right thing to do" for you and your husband. He walks with both of you. You do not know the beautiful future He has planned for you. You only know today. Have the courage to walk the step He illuminates today and it will bring you one step closer to that future.

I know this because I have, and still, live it and He continues to lead me to glorious places beyond my wildest imagination.

Go with Love, Go with God


#9

DISCLAIMER: The views and opinions expressed in these forums do not necessarily reflect those of Catholic Answers. For official apologetics resources please visit www.catholic.com.