Long term relationship with non religious partner sex before marriage


#1

I have been with my boyfriend for 9 years and I am considering joining the catholic faith. My main dilemma is that we have sex outside of marriage.

He is in no way religious and us getting married is unlikely as he has some issues regarding this from his parents divorce etc. so I suppose my main question is can I become a catholic bearing in mind this relationship exists and will not change in anyway or stop because I am changing my faith.

Thanks.


#2

Why do you persist in sin?
Why do you want to be Catholic?
You're always welcome but some things should change don't you think?


#3

Have you been attending Mass? Have you researched the Catholic belief system? If so,have you scheduled an appointment to speak to your priest about converting? If not, I would do so as soon as possible and talk with your priest about your situation.

For me, personally, if I were in a relationship with a non-religious person and if I were to become Catholic...well, being married in the Church would be very important to me. If my partner loved and respected me he would also have to respect my religious beliefs and that would include marriage.


#4

If you do enter the faith, you are thereby affirming the culture of life in the midst of a culture of death.

dovrespectlife.org/quotes.pdf

Is it possible to affirm the culture of life when you are, I assume, purposefully avoiding the creation of life every time you engage in the sexual act?

(Please forgive me if that assumption was incorrect).


#5

It is my personal opinion that regardless of whether or not you choose to become a Catholic, there will come a time when you will regret being with someone who doesn't ever want to be married to you. Eventually, something will happen that will make one of you choose to leave, and without a solid marriage grounded in faith, it will be all too easy to walk away. By then, you may be past the age of having children, and you will miss out on that too.

A Catholic marriage is a beautiful thing (if you marry a Catholic who really follows the faith) because not only is it blessed by God, but you have a person committed to being with you for LIFE, no matter what, unconditionally. And you also (if you are truly blessed) have children to share and enrich your life together even more.

There is a reason he doesn't want to get married, and that is because no matter how committed he says he is now, he wants an "out" "just in case". And believe me, there is almost always a "just in case".

You deserve to be with someone who loves you and God enough to say in front of friends, family and God that he doesn't WANT an out, he just wants YOU. Don't settle.


#6

When Christ calls us, he calls us to be transformed and live in the light. He calls us to holiness, not to continue in sin.

The more you learn about God's awesome plan for marriage and sexuality, the more disallusioned and dissatisfied you may become with your current situation and commitment phobic, non religious boyfriend.


#7

After 9 years with you, he still "has some issues regarding this from his parents divorce etc."?? Wow :mad: Either he's way too immature or this is simply an insincere pretext for avoiding commitment.
If he truly loves and respects you, he will accept your wish to become a Catholic and have a Catholic marriage. He doesn't have to be a Catholic for that; he only has to love and respect you and to build a family with you.


#8

[quote="Hipporadish, post:1, topic:330628"]
I have been with my boyfriend for 9 years and I am considering joining the catholic faith. My main dilemma is that we have sex outside of marriage.

He is in no way religious and us getting married is unlikely as he has some issues regarding this from his parents divorce etc. so I suppose my main question is can I become a catholic bearing in mind this relationship exists and will not change in anyway or stop because I am changing my faith.

Thanks.

[/quote]

The Catholic Faith is the truth. Coming into the truth means realizing somethings must change.

If you boyfriend is unwilling to help you grow in your most important relationship, your relationship with God, why do you wish to continue dating him?


#9

Please listen to this as if it were said in a loving and concerned tone - because it is. (I realized on reading it over that it might sound like mean lecturing form someone being "holier than thou.")

Yes, you can become Catholic, but, as long as you are sleeping with him, you will not be able to receive the Eucharist - which is the very center of our faith.

And, once you fully understand the Faith, you will be in mortal sin (read 1859-1891) if you continue to have sex with him - and that means Hell.

If he thinks that marriage means nothing, then he should be willing to go through that "meaningless" ceremony for your sake. If he is not willing to do that, when it means so much to you, then he is less committed to you than you think. :(

You both need to understand that, for Catholics, marriage is permanent and faithful - no divorce, no cheating - and that it involves being open to having children; that artificial birth control is not allowed; and that Natural Family Planning is only allowed for spacing children, not for preventing them. (NFP is much more than the "rhythm method" now, and can also be used to make children.)

If he won't agree to that, then you do not want to marry him. Look around on the forums, and read the posts about the misery of people in "mixed" marriages.

With concern and caring,


#10

[quote="Ruthie_again, post:9, topic:330628"]
Please listen to this as if it were said in a loving and concerned tone - because it is. (I realized on reading it over that it might sound like mean lecturing form someone being "holier than thou.")

Yes, you can become Catholic, but, as long as you are sleeping with him, you will not be able to receive the Eucharist - which is the very center of our faith.

And, once you fully understand the Faith, you will be in mortal sin (read 1859-1891) if you continue to have sex with him - and that means Hell.

If he thinks that marriage means nothing, then he should be willing to go through that "meaningless" ceremony for your sake. If he is not willing to do that, when it means so much to you, then he is less committed to you than you think. :(

You both need to understand that, for Catholics, marriage is permanent and faithful - no divorce, no cheating - and that it involves being open to having children; that artificial birth control is not allowed; and that Natural Family Planning is only allowed for spacing children, not for preventing them. (NFP is much more than the "rhythm method" now, and can also be used to make children.)

If he won't agree to that, then you do not want to marry him. Look around on the forums, and read the posts about the misery of people in "mixed" marriages.

With concern and caring,

[/quote]

Thank you for your kind words and advice. I will put a lot of thought into this as whilst many catholic traditions and beliefs mirror my own I do not want children nor can I have them whilst taking the medication I am currently on for another issue.


#11

Can I undertake study in the catholic faith whilst in my current situation.


#12

[quote="Hipporadish, post:11, topic:330628"]
Can I undertake study in the catholic faith whilst in my current situation.

[/quote]

Yes, absolutely. The first part of RCIA in many parishes is called Inquiry. There is no commitment to go forward beyond that stage; it's all about learning.


#13

[quote="Hipporadish, post:11, topic:330628"]
Can I undertake study in the catholic faith whilst in my current situation.

[/quote]

I can't see any reason not to study it. In fact, I think studying it is always a good thing.


#14

[quote="Hipporadish, post:11, topic:330628"]
Can I undertake study in the catholic faith whilst in my current situation.

[/quote]

Absolutely! :thumbsup: The way God works is that he typically raises things in our lives to the surface that are in need of transformation the closer we draw to Him. It doesn't happen all at once. I've been Catholic all my life and I still have a long way to go before that transformation is complete! :o


#15

What does it mean to you to become Catholic? Every Mass celebrates the death and resurrection of Christ, who was sacrificed for our sin, so that we might be freed from sin to know Him, live in Him, walk in Him and with Him. To seek to "become Catholic" without letting go of sin, embracing Christ and allowing Him to live in you is to simply go through the motions of religious experience. And at the end of the day it will be meaningless.

Regarding the relationship, you might want to visit a blog called What Women Never Hear. (wwnh.wordpress.com) A man who has been married over 50 years speaks to women about what a man's true devotion looks like. Your boyfriend may have legitimate emotional baggage, but what about your hopes and dreams?


#16

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