Long-time single man pursuing vocation of marriage


#1

I have been single for a number of years now. Frankly, I haven’t been “man” enough to step up and get to know a girl better on a personal level, and ask her out on a date.

This weekend, I met a girl at a Catholic conference for college students. We introduced ourselves, and discovered that we’re from the same general area. We had a good conversation, so I told her I would like to get to know her better in the future; I asked for her number. First, she told me that she has a boyfriend, then gave me her number anyway.

So I’m wondering if it would be appropriate to contact her at all. When I asked for her number, I had the mindset to possibly ask her on a date in the future, but that’s clearly not an option when she has a boyfriend. Should I still get to know her better? Should I delete her number because she has a boyfriend? Or should I simply text her once to let her know it was nice to meet her, and leave it at that?

May God’s will be done!


#2

She would not have given you her phone number if she was not interested; call her up (soon!), have another conversation and take it from there.


#3

She’s not married and therefore is single and perhaps could be seen as available until she is. That said I wouldn’t want to be the guy whose girlfriend breaks up with me for someone else. :shrug: Even if she didn’t give you her number to date you she’s at least interested in getting to know you. Can’t know until you try.


#4

you say that you have been single for a number of years now, were you married?


#5

Hopefully, she would not have given you her phone number if she had a very serious relationship and I would phone her and see where things go. Prayers headed your way for God’s plan for your life to be revealed to you.


#6

Maybe Facebook friend her? Assuming you have her full name and you’re comfortable doing it. That way you can sort of keep in touch and you may be able to tell if her relationship does end. Maybe it won’t end or it may even be hard to know through fb, but if you’re that into her it’s worth a shot and its a sure way of keeping in touch without actually texting her.


#7

I’d proceed with caution. What if she’s the type to two-time her boyfriend, and later she does the same to you? :frowning: Chalk the experience up to a chance to practice conversational skills, which is good, then keep looking. Plenty of fish, etc. :twocents:


#8

Full stop. Right there.

Not man enough?! What’s that supposed to mean? You got her number, didn’t you? What’s not man enough about that?

Yes, contact her. Maybe she has a friend, or a sister, or a cousin, or someone you might be interested in. Maybe that person has a friend, sister, or cousin. And so on.


#9

No, I have never been married. I had a girlfriend about five years ago in high school. I’ve been single (i.e. not dating) since then.

Thank you, and bless you!

I would also connect on Facebook, but I only have her first name and her number. Perhaps she was intentionally vague because she doesn’t want me to Facebook-stalk her relationship status. Perhaps she would rather talk with me. I would too, talking is more personal. However, I have some reservations.

My friend gave me this advice too. He also asked me if I would be fine if she broke up with her current boyfriend because of me. For those reasons, I am reluctant to contact her further.

Men are the ones to take on the burden of rejection by initiating contact, and asking the girl out on a date. Since my girlfriend five years ago, I have not stepped up in this way. Yes, I feel good that I stepped up this time. But I have not been “man” enough to initiate contact or ask a girl out over the last five years until this last weekend.

Thank you all for your input! I am still on the fence about calling her because I view a boyfriend as some level of commitment. I’m not sure that I want to get in the middle of that.


#10

Just call her. Like I said, she might want to fix you up with someone.

And a girl saying she has a boyfriend when she first meets someone new isn’t necessarily always full of truthiness.


#11

Sure, you can call her, as others said. It’s hard to know what she’s feeling, though, and if she would want a friendship (or relationship) to come out of this. Alternatively, you text her, and just say “Hey it’s ____ from the conference. I wanted to say it was nice talking to you. Good luck with next semester!” or something along those lines. Then see how she responds.

Also, I’d be wary about her boyfriend comment; you don’t want to get in the middle of a relationship, like someone said. Also, girls sometimes lie and say they have a boyfriend as a “nice” way of saying they’re not interested or they may just feel unsure of the situation and that comment just comes out.

I understand that it’s awesome and even moving to meet a Catholic who you have a more emotional connection with; it makes you want to know more of this person. But just be careful if she really is in a relationship; if that’s the case, you can’t assume that she’d want anything more than friendship. Anyways, good luck!


#12

Go for it. Like I tell all my friends who are in a relationship: if you’re not married, you’re single. There is no vocation of “in a relationship.” If she was engaged she would be clearly preparing for marriage, but she is still discerning her vocation which should include discerning her future husband. Far too often people see being in a relationship like marriage which leads to co-habitation and premarital sex. But you are single until you are married. It is good to define relationships as exclusive, but he has no claim over her until they fully commit to each other in the Sacrament of Matrimony. With that said, I agree with some of the other responders, you should proceed with caution. Remember to let the Holy Spirit guide you.


#13

Actually I find this to be a good point. Yes it’s looked down upon if someone interferes with a relationship, but I’ve also heard of married couples who, when meeting, were dating other people at the time-- those relationships obviously ended for the right one to begin, but yeah, you can’t entirely lose hope if she’s dating someone. In any case, if it’s meant to be, it will be.


#14

Thank you to all of you who have replied. I suppose you would like to know what came of this. I did contact her last week. We had a short back-and-forth, and we haven’t conversed since. It seems I was more interested in her than she was in me. She probably gave me her number so as not to let me down. I’m fine with that because she was respectful and friendly in our exchange, and I feel that our conversations helped each of us to grow a little closer to God.

Mikeeh, I appreciate your encouragement and advice. Thank you. However, there are a few points that I disagree with.

Strictly speaking, yes, anybody who is not married or consecrated to religious life is single. “In a relationship” is a step in the discernment process toward marriage where we are to answer the question “Is he/she the spouse God has called me to?” I think of it like this: “in a relationship” is to marriage as “in the seminary” is to the priesthood. A man in the seminary is not allowed to date while he is discerning the priesthood. Just the same, one who is in a relationship should not see other guys/girls while discerning marriage to the boyfriend/girlfriend.
Furthermore, I don’t agree with this mentality because it pushes those who are in a relationship to get married soon. There is nothing wrong with (in fact, I think it is laudable) spending years in marital discernment (i.e. “in a relationship”). If the decision to get married is rushed, a couple may get married without really knowing whether it is truly God’s will. It is very possible to spend years in a chaste relationship before ascertaining that God’s will for the couple is Matrimony.

Unfortunately, this is probably true of secular society today. But I hope this is not true of Catholic couples you know.

This is true, one may find that God has not called them to Matrimony with their boyfriend/girlfriend at any point of the discernment process, even the night before the wedding. But I think it is respectful to let a girl decide that on her own before actively pursuing her.

Amen, brother!


#15

Man you have to step up to the plate. When I was on the war path, I had a date every Friday and Saturday night, often with three different girls. Didn’t hurt anyone. And guess what, I’ve been single all my life. I guess I just never showed enough long range promise. But I’ve always been happy.

Try this: prweb.com/releases/2014/10/prweb12233375.htm

Pax
Linus2nd


#16

Call her or enter a seminary.


#17

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