Hi Friends! First, please let me say that this is NOT a rant against my dear husband. I love my husband very much, and I think he is the best guy I could have ever prayed for! I have a situation on my hands that I would like to get some advice on from a man’s perspective, though.
In our marriage, I am the cleaner. I know this, and I accept this. My husband just doesn’t even see the messes that drive me crazy… so rather than getting mad about it, I have come to a place where I accept that I just need to clean it up. Done.
However, my husband has his friends over every week to play D&D, and they really leave a mess. Dice everywhere, books with maps and character sheets laying around, food wrappers from an assortment of fast-food joints, soda cans–it’s a mess. And DH doesn’t want me to touch it, because he feels it is his responsibility to clean it up. He feels bad if I do it. But here’s the thing—He doesn’t do it.
I will ask him nicely, and he’ll say something like, “Yes I really have to do that.” Generally, this doesn’t involve going and doing it right away. Often, a week will pass where it doesn’t get picked up at all and the guys come over and he’ll pick up a little bit for them, and then they just add to it. On the average week, I will remind him 3 or 4 days before anything gets picked up. That leads to my question.
If I ask my husband or remind him too many times throughout the week, he feels like I am nagging him. But I really just want the space to be cleaned up. How can I, as a wife, not nag the guy but still get him to pick this up? I have spoken to him plainly about it, and he apologizes and says he needs to get better about it. But then, the mess is still there a week later.