Well, some changes that have been made since my first thread was closed on Feb 19, 2010. I have started counseling and I now attend the domestic violence classes on a weekly basis. I am still with my husband at this point with the exception that I do not love him the way I am suppose to. I actually hate him at this point for everything he has done. Everything has come out about what he has done (internet porn, porn DVD'S, porn books, verbal, emotional, mental, sexual, and physical (not the hitting) abuse).
He has stopped everything. He is making changes. He wants us to work but I am having a hard time believing him and trusting his word. We have done this several times and I don't know if I can do it again. I have lost my son because of the choices that I have made and my daughters don't really care for him either. It is not fair to him for the way that I am with him at this point. It is hurting him severely but he has hurt me alot over the years too. It isn't about getting back at him. It is about me doing the right thing for me and my children.
How do I control the anger? How do I get through the holidays? This is a hard time for me and all the issues with my relationship with my husband just compounds everything.
I have talked to my counselor about the hate I have for him and she says that it is normal for me to feel this way. Looking for some words of wisdom to help me through this bad time plus the holidays.