Looking in places I don't belong


#1

Seeing as how it’s the Season of Hearts again… painfully restrains sarcastic side-comments… I figured this would be the best time ask this.

Okay, one of the most repeated yet at the same time most spot-on pieces of advice I get when it comes to seeking my soul mate is that I should basically get out more and actually start looking.

It’s advice I got a long time ago. It’s the same advice I get on these forums. And as a matter of fact, it’s correct and I have been trying to think of places where to start looking.

Unfortunately, when I finally sit down and look at the data of most likely places I’ll find the girl I’m looking for, I suddenly realize that these are places that I don’t belong.

First off, though, lemme give a brief description of what kind of girl I’m looking for. I’m looking for someone religious yet at the same time also rather cute, timid, and very, very sweet.

Now, according to the information I’ve researched on these forums (along with info I got from concerned friends and family, nosy as they are -.-;; ), the most likely environment where I’ll find a girl like this is either in a youth group or a church choir.

Let me tell you now: I don’t belong there! DX

I’m a geek, a gamer, and writer with a deviously above-average imagination who just only happened to have a very conservative moral compass. (Hard to believe, but trust me they’re all reconcilable! D8)

What do I do? How can I look in those places without forcing myself into an environment where I am out of place? (Not to mention, I could also possibly antagonize, or worse infect. >_>;; )


#2

I met my hubby in High School, so I can’t say from experience :(, I do, however, have a suggestion if you’d be interested.

RCIA in my area is, I think, pretty neat. It’s definitely a time for cradle-Catholics to go to meet the new people that are actually going through RCIA, then give their two-cents every once in a while during the class (I’ve met all kinds of people who just showed up like that). We do, of course have a “teacher” for the day, but these people are really relaxed and cut up enough to make it fun, without getting too far off topic. I don’t know if it’s like that in other places, but I can tell you that since September I’ve seen two couples form in this class: a mortician and an IT-guru, and an Avon rep and a trucker…go fig? Outside of Church functions it’s hit-or-miss. :shrug: I’m not suggesting RCIA as a matchmaking club, but it couldn’t hurt.


#3

The problem with RCIA is that it’s for people who still have to brush on their Catholicism 101. I know enough so I can’t exactly say if there’s any point in me going there. :o So I can’t say I’m a cradle Catholic anymore. :o


#4

True, but all the people (so far anyways) that have just showed up said they learned something :). IDK, really, just a thought. Good luck :thumbsup:


#5

Try praying, then be amazed at who crosses your path.


#6

My dear brother otaku,

Some good advice has been given here. However, IMHO, going to Church, RCIA, or other Church function to meet girls isn’t a good idea. That said, I do recommend going to RCIA even if you think you know enough. There is always more to learn.

First of all consider whether or not God is calling you to live a single and celibate life. This does happen and, to the extent that you can, you will be much happier trying to live according to His Will.

But if you think that God wants you to be in a relationship, and if you are not a hikikomori, (or even if you are, or especially if you are), then here is my advice.

Get out more.

Take your lap top down to your local Star bucks and hang out.

Visit the library and see if they have a manga section. (Many do these days). Hang out there flipping manga.

Go to an anime convention. (There are many!)

Join a gym and get into a regular if simple program of exercise. Swimming, treadmill, stationary bike, that sort of thing.

In all these places there are women.

Talk to them.

Don’t hit on them. Don’t go up to strangers and ask them for a date. Just talk to them.

Say hello. Comment about the place, the activities there, etc. Introduce yourself.

Continue in this wise and see what happens.

The key is to get out among people and talk to them.

(But, aside from the manga section at the library, don’t talk about anime. At least not at first…)

I’ll pray for you.


#7

Since I don’t know much about the Phillipines culture so this may be off base, but have you considered looking on-line? there are dating sites that cater to catholics specifically ( I think one advertises here) and there are others that are more general but still spiritual like e-Harmony…
In any case, it might give you the opportunity to expand your contacts…

Peace
James


#8

Online dating worked perfectly for me - eHarmony matched me up with my husband 6 days after I joined, and we were married just over a year later. If you put you are a faithful Catholic as well as an anime fan and gamer guy in your profile, potential matches can see right away what your interests are and whether they share them.


#9

Is not hard to believe, I have similar interest too and I’m one of the more Traditionalist in my parish and youth group.

Hmmm, and the otaku/gamer/geek crowd isn’t a likely place to find people with
the same morals as you.

[quote=adv1sor]Visit the library and see if they have a manga section. (Many do these days). Hang out there flipping manga.

Go to an anime convention. (There are many!)

Join a gym and get into a regular if simple program of exercise. Swimming, treadmill, stationary bike, that sort of thing.

In all these places there are women.

Talk to them.

Don’t hit on them. Don’t go up to strangers and ask them for a date. Just talk to them.

Say hello. Comment about the place, the activities there, etc. Introduce yourself.

Continue in this wise and see what happens.

The key is to get out among people and talk to them.

[/quote]

That is good advice.

Blessings !!!

:slight_smile:


#10

Perhaps not with certain otaku. But I wager that geekdom in general has some, seeing that conservative Christianity is usually thought of as a very nerdy thing, if not actually geeky. If you conformed the rest of the world’s morality, you would lose uniqueness, and thus lose some tincture of geekiness. :slight_smile:


#11

[quote="fons_vitae, post:10, topic:228051"]
Perhaps not with certain otaku. But I wager that geekdom in general has some, seeing that conservative Christianity is usually thought of as a very nerdy thing, if not actually geeky. If you conformed the rest of the world's morality, you would lose uniqueness, and thus lose some tincture of geekiness. :)

[/quote]

Well, yes, you're right!!!

And I'm kind of a otaku too.

Blessings !!!


#12

Aw, blessings to you, too! :) I'm similarly geeky about just about anything.


#13

I didn’t read all the replies so forgive me if this is duplicated advice

  1. have you thought about volunteering? Maybe find a program that works with at-risk youth, those you can share your “imagination” with. It is my experience, that more girls/women volunteer then boys and you will definately find a caring and compasionate type of person there

  2. check out this newer dating site…registration is free
    www.christianmingle.com

I am sure that on this site, more so then on others, you will find girls who are more conservative and with a similair moral compass as your own


#14

I’m in the same boat. I’m a self admitted nerd and that’s ok. I’m a gamer. I enjoy single player video games as well as board games (strategy/euro style/war) as well as card games (Magic: the Gathering/Thunderstone/Dominion). I go to various shops and game lounges and events to hang out and play, the problem is, only guys attend. A few guys bring their girlfriend or wife and they definitely seem to enjoy it, but there’re never any single women. I’m also not in school and there are no women at my work so I’m kind of at a loss.


#15

*If you're more of an introvert than extrovert, then I would suggest signing up for Catholic dating sites like AveMariaSingles.com or CatholicMatch.com . Anything is worth a try once and online dating is not as taboo as it used to be.:clapping: *


#16

Um - everyone is welcome at Youth Group (as long as you pick one that is geared toward your particular age group) - when I was in that game, I had lots of Anime geeks who attended regularly - and clearly, to meet the sweet, shy girls who also attended. Nobody minded, and everyone had fun.

The “romances” that ensued only lasted a few weeks at best, and there were inevitably tears and all kinds of drama, but that was due to youth and inexperience - all of those guys are in relationships and doing well, four years later - and so are the girls.

With different people, now, of course, but they got their feet wet in Youth Group, and learned a great deal about themselves - which is the point, after all. :slight_smile:


#17

Well, sometimes that happens to me too, not many girls are into anime/manga where I live, and some of the ones that like that stuff, are yaoi/yuri fangirls. :shrug:

Blessings !!!

:slight_smile:


#18

[quote="runwaymodel, post:15, topic:228051"]
*If you're more of an introvert than extrovert, then I would suggest signing up for Catholic dating sites like AveMariaSingles.com or CatholicMatch.com . Anything is worth a try once and online dating is not as taboo as it used to be.:clapping: *

[/quote]

I'll give it a shot but don't mind if I approach that method with caution. I kinda have a scrupulosity about my privacy on the internet. :o

That and it just seems less awkward for me to actually know a prospect is right in my area.

[quote="jmcrae, post:16, topic:228051"]
Um - everyone is welcome at Youth Group (as long as you pick one that is geared toward your particular age group) - when I was in that game, I had lots of Anime geeks who attended regularly - and clearly, to meet the sweet, shy girls who also attended. Nobody minded, and everyone had fun.

[/quote]

Perhaps it depends on the culture. My family is friends with people from a Youth Group and the only anime nerds among them were two other people. :o Mind you, there were... a little eccentric compared to the rest. :o The religious youth movement here tends to be of the heavily charismatic variety and, like I said, I tend to feel awkward and out of place among people whose 'fire for the faith' is a little too hot for me. >_>;;

[quote="CesarAugustus, post:17, topic:228051"]
Well, sometimes that happens to me too, not many girls are into anime/manga where I live, and some of the ones that like that stuff, are yaoi/yuri fangirls. :shrug:

[/quote]

Thaaat's pretty much the reason why I've stopped putting chances on looking in places like that. T_T A good deal of the girls (and trust me, most of them are actually quite pretty given that cosplaying is a major thing they're famous for) are die-hard yaoi addicts. I remember a time where one of them practically begged their cousin's boyfriend to buy this mag that featured Loveless on the cover. Ugh!!! DX


#19

Ok LostWanderer (LW for short if it doesn’t offend you) please hear me out before completely discarding this. I would suggest you may find some overlap in the martial arts. It seems to me like from your past love of anime etc that you have a love of Eastern culture. WIthin the martial arts world there are many moral people as well as a whole association of Christian martial artists. It is also an excellent way of keeping in shape - better than gaming - I would just recommend staying away from the transcendantal meditation and possibly substituting another form of prayer or meditation. My own teacher who runs a very traditional system has been very open to this for myself. She is Buddhist and while we don’t share religion; we do share morality deeply.

Not trying to change your interest - just broadening your avenues in order to add to things you have tried that you may like based on things you have said in the past.Good luck to you - oh and as an added bonus - most of the women you meet in this hobby won’t be extremely out of shape but I didn’t want to come off superficial - as a non-bonus if you aren’t polite they will kick your rear. :D:p God bless.


#20

Actually I’m gonna be looking to practice eskrima as soon as I graduate. :stuck_out_tongue: There was a club in the university at some point but it got disbanded so I have to look outside. >_<;;

I just hope they’re not tomboyish and headstrong or anything. I mean don’t get me wrong, I don’t mind that in other women. I just don’t want that in my D.I.D. type. :o


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