Looking in places I don't belong


#21

“…religious yet at the same time also rather cute, timid, and very, very sweet…”

Is timid terribly important to you? Timid girls don’t exactly make themselves easy to find.

Timid girls tend to want a guy “with papers”, meaning a guy that they’ve pre-screened for quality. This might be after consultation with mutual friends, but to be blunt it probably means being pushed in the guys’ direction by friends. They also don’t want some guy they even imagine they’d ever have to fend off. If you want to attract a girl who is both religious and shy, you need to be someone that a sensible Catholic girl would have reason to trust right from the start.

You could:
Make a good big circle of Catholic friends and tell them you find shy girls charming. (Saying you like timid girls may sound like you want someone you can dominate.)
Volunteer at a convent. Maybe you’ll meet one of the sisters’ little sisters.
Volunteer for the jobs that get no appreciation…kitchen duty instead of the talent show.
Shy people avoid the limelight. (Exception: Watch the girls in the choir. That is group singing, and you only solo when you’re told to, so you might find someone there.)
Drop by your church when the ladies are cleaning, and ask if they know anyone that fits your description. If they know a cute, sweet, shy, religious girl and they know you’re a nice young Catholic man, I would bet they’ll practically plot with you on your hunt for a likely target. Older parishioners *cannot stand *to see cute, shy, religious girls who have no boyfriends, not unless they think the girl has a religious vocation.
Even if you don’t go looking in the neighborhood of a convent, be ready to lose your quarry to a convent. The Lord has this tendency to choose his brides from the same pool you’re fishing in, young fella! (Ah, but this happens to guys with good taste! :rolleyes:)

I agree, though, that if you want to find a religious girl, but especially if you’re trying to interest a shy one, you will want to hang around religious people and expect to be very very patient. Or, as one saying put it: Don’t marry for money. Hang around rich people, and marry for love.

You might pray to St. Joseph, and to St. Donald. St. Donald’s wife died and left him with nine daughters. When he died, every one of them joined the convent. If anyone knows how to be the protector of a such a gem as you are looking for, those two saints do. They’ll keep your mind on what the Lord’s intentions are in giving you the desire for such a fine wife. Oh, you might also try St. Joachim, he was Our Lady’s father. You might well be called to find yourself your own St. Anne. There is no better way to find a woman like that than to work to become someone the Lord would want her to find.


#22

Ave maria catholic singles is awesome!!! I met my husband within a week of joining and we were married a little over a year later. Look it up my husband and I are the picture couple for success stories! We have been married going on eight years my husband is a bit of an introvert so I know we would have never met otherwise besides the fact that we lived across the country from one another!!!


#23

[quote="EasterJoy, post:21, topic:228051"]
Is timid terribly important to you? Timid girls don't exactly make themselves easy to find.

[/quote]

Yes, and yes I know. T_T However, I do tend to like 'em naive as well. It gives me more reason to be protective. >_<;; You can say I'm looking for someone who is like a naive little girl in a young woman's body. T_T

[quote="EasterJoy, post:21, topic:228051"]
Timid girls tend to want a guy "with papers", meaning a guy that they've pre-screened for quality. This might be after consultation with mutual friends, but to be blunt it probably means being pushed in the guys' direction by friends. They also don't want some guy they even imagine they'd ever have to fend off. If you want to attract a girl who is both religious and shy, you need to be someone that a sensible Catholic girl would have reason to trust right from the start.

[/quote]

Those 'mutual friends' are the exact kind I'm afraid of running into. T_T

quote="EasterJoy, post:21, topic:228051"

[/quote]

Is it really that bad? ToT

[quote="EasterJoy, post:21, topic:228051"]
Volunteer at a convent. Maybe you'll meet one of the sisters' little sisters.

[/quote]

But I just said places like that are the exact kind where I don't belong. D:

[quote="EasterJoy, post:21, topic:228051"]
Volunteer for the jobs that get no appreciation....kitchen duty instead of the talent show.

[/quote]

Okay, I guess that's a start. :\

[quote="EasterJoy, post:21, topic:228051"]
Shy people avoid the limelight. (Exception: Watch the girls in the choir. That is group singing, and you only solo when you're told to, so you might find someone there.)
Drop by your church when the ladies are cleaning, and ask if they know anyone that fits your description. If they know a cute, sweet, shy, religious girl and they know you're a nice young Catholic man, I would bet they'll practically plot with you on your hunt for a likely target.

[/quote]

Can you tell me how I can do that whilst wearing my signature attire of baggy cargoes, shadowy hoodies, and having the reputation for hanging with a lot of eccentric, liberal-indoctrinated bad boys at the local hobby shop? :crying: (Trivia: There are actually two sub-types of the Filipino geek. One is the naturally geeky one with the weird vocabulary and odd ways of expressing things. The other is actually the tougher, meaner, and cooler looking type who makes what people would deem geeky into something cool. For instance, they make watching anime look like watching The Expendables or Kill Bill. They play a trading card game like it was a smooth game of poker. And as for online gaming, they make it out like it's an actual sport.)

In all honesty though, a lot of people (my fellow geeks and writers in particular) are often surprised by my conservative views towards marriage, responsibility, and family. So I guess, you can say that deep down I might be someone a Catholic girl would have reason to trust.

Externally though? Trust me, I've had plenty of bad experience with religious people who refuse to see beyond the surface of an individual. -.-

[quote="EasterJoy, post:21, topic:228051"]
Older parishioners *cannot stand *to see cute, shy, religious girls who have no boyfriends, not unless they think the girl has a religious vocation.
Even if you don't go looking in the neighborhood of a convent, be ready to lose your quarry to a convent. The Lord has this tendency to choose his brides from the same pool you're fishing in, young fella! (Ah, but this happens to guys with good taste! :rolleyes:)

[/quote]

I know rite!? D:
Of all my fears, this has got to be the biggest! DX I don't wanna be God's rival, it'll be so one-sided! :crying:

[quote="EasterJoy, post:21, topic:228051"]
I agree, though, that if you want to find a religious girl, but especially if you're trying to interest a shy one, you will want to hang around religious people and expect to be very very patient. Or, as one saying put it: Don't marry for money. Hang around rich people, and marry for love.

[/quote]

Oh don't worry. Love is definitely my main reason for seeking. You can say I grew up with a really tough sort of love. My mother was often the nagging type and raised me in the traditional manner of the Filipino Catholic: More on discipline and less on doting. More in saving money and less about spending it. Plenty other women in my life were also very headstrong, often dominating and opinionated. I mean sure, there are plenty good reasons for that. I mean feminism isn't all that bad.

I just get tired of it after a while. I mean just this once, I'd like a girl I actually want to protect. I mean it's like saying that you have no problem working alongside your pseudo-Amazonian woman (e.g. JLU's Wonder Woman) who sees you as an equal but would sure love to find a rare ingenue (e.g. Beth March from Little Women).


#24

When I go shopping and I have a specific style of shoe/dress/whatever in mind, I always walk away empty-handed and disappointed. The mall never has the item I have in the back of my mind.

When, however, I go with the general thought that I need some new work/casual/whatever clothes and walk into stores with an inquisitive and curious mind, I find tons of stuff. Bonus points if I ask a good salesgirl for suggestions for things to try on.

My point is - you seem to have a very specific “type” in mind. That “dream woman” you have in your mind does not really exist. Your future mate is someone you can’t even imagine right now. You can’t think this person up beforehand. My advice is to open your mind dramatically to different personalities. If you meet someone, think of her as a friend, and if she makes you smile, continue the friendship. Do this with as many women as you’d like until you feel the pull of something deeper.

A lot of guys who are stuck in a dating rut are a little too picky because they are looking for someone who falls into their comfort zone, and that is really difficult to hit given that you are meeting these ladies for the very first time.


#25

I’ve heard this advice before but honestly, is it too much to ask for something out of the ordinary? If I wanted to date just any available girl out there, I’d rather not marry at all. I’d just stick to living with my mother. Honestly, you’ve seen one tropical bird here, you’ve seen them all. All I want really is just a nice, meek little dove. I’m tired of being surrounded by cockatoos, toucans, and parrots! >_<;;;

I can’t say how hard that is given that there are many saints out there (who were real people) who were doves. My ideal girl isn’t really that far off from them really. It’s just the environment on where to find types like them. Coincidentally, these are are the same places where I find lions, sheepdogs, and golden eagles. It doesn’t take much to realize how such people won’t take kindly to folks like me. T-T


#26

Knowing that one of the sweetest guys I have ever met was dubbed “Mad Dog” by his teammates on the football team, I think I understand where you are coming from.

OK…so how to meet this innocent (and presumably unsuspecting) young woman. Truly, you do know that women who are capable of taking care of themselves would very often rather not have to? This is particularly true of women on the more traditional end of the church.

First off, you are too hard on the sisters at the convent. If you are polite and not immodest, they are not going to be concerned about your hoodie. A lot of them have brothers and nephews, and they know just how tough you boys are. There are few shrinking violets among those women. If you love the Lord and you are reverent, they are not going to be that concerned about your clothing. If you are not reverent and care nothing for things that really matter, Heaven would do the whole world a favor by not letting you anywhere near this girl you want until you are. The sisters will help Heaven out, you are right about that, as well they should. I have news for you: Young women do not get anywhere near adulthood in anything remotely like an innocent state unless someone is looking out for them! Dress the way you dress, but save the tough guy act for the other young fellows. In fact, insist that the other young fellows grow up and act like real men do around nuns, sisters, and mothers, as they’d want their own sister or mother or daughter treated. Even men who are otherwise very reckless of the law themselves will respect a man who fears the Lord, respects women, and defends the weak. They may not like him, they may think he makes them look bad, but they will respect him.

The “bad boy” friends…well, are they really bad? Really? Or are they only young men who want to be known unequivocally as men? Being really bad–dishonest, vulgar, disrespectful towards women and those who don’t understand the humor, spurning the law–is not something a women who hopes to have good sons wants to see in her husband OR his friends. Your Miss Innocent is not going to go for that, not unless she is foolish in addition to being innocent. Being the kind of toughs who look “bad” but who really aren’t a bad sort–the kind who would get themselves in a fight in defense of some woman they don’t even know–is another thing. Maybe not the smartest in the world, but men can grow out of that.

This woman you’re looking for may be innocent, but she is not a fool. Never ever wish to marry a fool, or someone you could ever make a fool of. On that account, you need to be the kind of man a sensible Catholic woman with a sensible and watchful father would want to marry. There isn’t much of a way around that. I don’t mean the way you dress. Sensible people can be found who do not care about that. I mean the way you are…and I think you know what I mean by that. The Lord doesn’t just want young women for the convent. He wants young men and women to become good fathers and mothers. If you want Heaven’s help (and you will need it, make no mistake), then get busy on the work of becoming that kind of man.


#27

EasterJoy, in the Philippines it isn’t unusual for the husband to want a more timid girl than in western cultures.


#28

Sounds great - and we are not all tomboyish - Anshu Christa Jacobson who is the head of the Budo Ryu actually models. But it sounds like you are on a great path. God bless. Also remember some arts will attract more tomboyish women than other. A good user to also talk to is Rascalking.


#29

Amen.

Again—pray to meet ‘the one.’


#30

my advice, sign up for eharmony. my wife and i met there and it’s the best thing that i’ve ever done in my life (outside of accepting Jesus as my Lord & Savior). you can filter your interests in what type of girl/woman you look for.


#31

When ladies ask me how they can meet men I tell them to take a ‘man-heavy’ class like auto mechanics and frequently ask for help. The reverse should apply to men who want to meet ladies.

I’ve heard supermarkets/grocery stores are good meeting places, too. :smiley:


#32

It never hurts to keep your eyes open wherever you are…even here.

(I met my boyfriend right here on the CAF.) :smiley:

But really, if you’re looking for someone who shares your interests, then try to be at places where those people might congregate.


#33

If you want to reject the advice, fine, but I’m telling you as someone who is old enough to know what she’s talking about but young enough to have friends still looking for “the one” (early 30s). Most of my friends have met their spouses in low-pressure situations where they were able to get to to know the other person without the expectation of a relationship - places like work or school or even on a commuter train that both frequented.

Guys that have a mental checklist always fail. I have a friend - officer in the Air Force, prestigious undergrad degree, in great shape, funny and smart - this man should be what any woman would consider a “catch”. In fact, he has women falling all over him. But, he won’t give any of them more than half a chance. That’s because he has a mental image of the ideal woman for him and no actual human being fits that mental image because it’s imaginary. It’s a composite of the good qualities of many women he’s known, but it doesn’t actually match any one real human woman. Therefore, every. single. woman he meets “fails” in his eyes. And he wonders why he’s 34 and single.

I suggest you limit your search to your future spouse’s life values rather than her personality traits. Does she have a strong faith, or is she at least trying hard? Is she caring towards others? etc. Often people who are “meek little doves” are pretty boring. People of strong faith and strong values are rarely bland in personality. That’s because they are out doing important work, which requires some assertiveness. They may be meek towards God, however, behind their personality, and that is the more important thing.


#34

This is just one other thing to add on to the previous poster - one other problem that some have is if they have already met “the one” that they already think is perfect and it did not work out. I do not know if this is you but until those wounds have healed it is next to impossible to meet someone else because everyone else will have to meet up to that person’s standards and they won’t because very simply put they aren’t that person.


#35

If you find a ‘naive little girl’ in a young woman’s body you will end up with a ‘naive little girl’ as a wife. Trust me, it gets old fast. You want someone you can lean on when times get tough.

Hmmm Beth dies in the book, she isn’t strong enough to live in the real world.

I think what you want is to feel needed. That doesn’t require a meek, shy, dove. You will wow your woman in many small ways. That comes from getting to know you. What you need is a mature, adult ‘lady’. A lady appreciates when a man opens a door and pulls out her chair. I think that is what you are looking for.

Try eHarmony or any Catholic dating service. My brother used eHarmony and after years of unsuccessful dating found his wife on his 3rd date. She’s a beautiful, accomplished lady who saw something more than a fat, balding man who loves video games and is a geek. They’ve been married 8 yrs now and are very happy.


#36

i’ve pointed that out as well. eharmony is a very legitimate site to go to. granted you have to pay for the service, but to me it was well worth it. and like i stated in a previous post, you can filter your selection whether it be christian/area/etc.


#37

The problem with eharmony and many pay sites is that they send you profiles of non paying members. It doesn’t do many any good if eharmony sends me 10 matches a day if none of them are actual paying members and can respond to my communications.


#38

I’ve toyed with eHarmony, but I’m also not a fan of paying for dating service. So it didn’t work for me (yet). :stuck_out_tongue:


#39

[quote="Bataar, post:37, topic:228051"]
The problem with eharmony and many pay sites is that they send you profiles of non paying members. It doesn't do many any good if eharmony sends me 10 matches a day if none of them are actual paying members and can respond to my communications.

[/quote]

it's been close to four years since my eharmony experience. i guess times have changed, but i still stand by my belief that eharmony is a good tool/resource to meet the person of your dreams.

i may be the exception, but everybody i've ever known that has been on that site, has had the same experience.


#40

good luck with it.


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