Did you lose friends as you were preparing for marriage? Or significantly change the kinds of friends you were spending time with?
It’s Saturday afternoon here, and my friends have all gone out together and I’ve declined their invitation again. I’m finding that as I am preparing to get married (10 months from now) I have less and less in common with them. It saddens me, but I don’t see the situation changing.
They try to live a lifestyle like you’d see on “Sex and the City” (but with less sex). They meet regularly at expensive restaurants for lunch on the weekends. They talk about their boyfriends and girlfriends and jobs. After lunch they’ll go to a coffee shop for a $7 coffee and talk about where they’d like to travel on vacation next holiday. Then they all go out shopping for clothes and shoes.
A couple of years ago, I was really into all that, and I talked about it enthusiastically. About six months ago I found myself being more and more silent during these conversations. Now I don’t even go. I’m spending most of my money on a master’s degree so that when I get married I can work part-time as a college lecturer but still pay the bills. My friends still call me and invite me to lunch, but if I say I can’t afford it, they don’t understand. They offer to lend me the cash until next week, but don’t get it if I say it’s not in my budget at all. They say that they work so they can afford life’s luxuries. I don’t feel that way. If I say I don’t have time, they complain that since they’re making money with just a BA, they don’t see why I feel the need to continue with my education.
I guess I’m just sad that I have nothing in common with them anymore. They can’t understand me, and I can’t help judging them and finding them shallow. At this point I don’t even feel like inviting them to the wedding. They feel that I’m changing my personality for a man and so they don’t approve of my boyfriend at all.
I know my boyfriend is a wonderful man. He encourages me to follow my dreams even if it’s hard for me now, and even if it means I’m too busy to see him sometimes. His friends are so friendly and supportive, and make me feel welcome. If they invite me somewhere and I say I can’t afford it, they’ll arrange to do something cheaper so that I can come, or someone will offer to pay for me in exchange for me cooking dinner at home one night.
I guess I’m just writing to vent, and because I want to hear that other people have been where I am now. It hurts to lose my friends.