I’ve always had ups and downs in my faith, but lately my faith has been faltering even more. I feel called to marriage, but even though I’ve prayed to God everyday that he send me someone I still never even got to go on a single date. I’ve been a member of catholic dating sites: nothing. I’ve asked 2 catholic ladies out and both said no. There are basically no other single catholic women in my age range with similar interests to me besides the ones who I asked out in my area.
Also, I don’t want to be a priest. I have no interest in doing priestly duties, and I strongly dislike academic work like reading, writing, and other stuff priests have to do regularly. I also don’t want to join a religious order. I want to start a family, and I want to be part of the world. I have a dream career, bartending, and I’m just steps away from getting a better bartending job. I know what I want to do.
I feel like god has abandoned me. I ask Him to help me grow in my faith and to help give me motivation, but nothing motivates me anymore and I just keep losing my faith. I feel completely numb to the faith and sin so I sin left and right and I don’t have any motivation to go to Mass so I usually get drunk and skip mass instead so I don’t feel as low down and lonely. Of course, I’ve never really enjoyed anything about the faith. Reading the bible is like a boring chore. Praying is like a boring chore. Going to Mass is like a boring chore. The faith is very boring to me, I wish it was more social.
Speaking of loneliness, this is the core of all my problems. I feel extremely lonely. I feel like all my friends just pretend to like me because they think there’s something wrong with me. All this is making me extremely bitter.
All I want is to hang out with my friends regularly, a devout catholic girlfriend, and a better job (this one’s the easy one). I’m in no way shy, and I’ve become extremely bold and steadfast recently from self improvement. Why do I feel like I’m worthless?