Losing my father....just as I met him too

This is hard for me to do, but I feel like a cry out to the anonymity of the internet is all I have left anymore.

My dad and I have never had a good relationship. I could go into details, but lets just say that for most of my life I identified as someone who was fatherless. Well, in the last year or two I have been spending more time with my dad. We’ve kindled a relationship that has grown into a father-daughter relationship that I have always craved. It’s been a new and wonderful experience for me to finally have a father in my life. I can’t explain the joy and peace, and DEPTH of love this has given me in my own life, and how it has helped me find Father God even more. I am crying as I write this at how happy I am to have my father in my life as a father. He’s apologized for the past, and we are doing all we can to make up for lost time. I can’t explain how joyous this is for me.

Enter pain.

Not long after I started to find this relationship with my dad, I got devastating news. My dad has been given only a few more years left to live. I feel so sick just thinking about it, and I stuggle with the anger that comes from finding my father, only to lose him again. Please pray for my dad, that I can have more time with him. I…I just have a hard time with these new feelings, and this fear and grief that has found me over this. I have been trying to cope on my own for several months now, but I don’t know how.

Hi Whitacre_Girl,

First, I am sorry for the pain you are going through. But don’t give up!!! I’m here to give you some uplifting stories. The power of the will is very strong.

Example #1: I have an aunt who was diagnosed with breast cancer a little more than 10 years ago. She was told she had a few months to live, and it was up to her whether or not she wanted chemo, but it likely wouldn’t do any good. Well she was determined, and got the chemo, and is still alive and in remission for over 10 years now!!!

Example #2: My dad was seriously ill for a lot of my life. At one point when I was in high school he almost died. He wasn’t expected to live much after that. He lived for another 14 years. There’s one time I recall specifically in those 14 years where he wasn’t expected to make it through the night. I came home, saw him in the hospital, and the next morning he was sitting up eating breakfast. I was told he hadn’t eaten in days. He had a remarkable recovery!

I’ve seen several miracles like that. I have no idea what will happen with your father, but never lose hope. Pray, and even if the worst came to pass, it is a huge blessing for you that you were able to reconcile while he is still alive. Be grateful for that.

And finally… in spite of what I’ve said above, this will be difficult for you to deal with. If it’s at all possible, try to get counseling. If you can’t afford counseling sessions (with a Catholic counselor if possible) then try to get an appointment with your priest. Confession also helps, for the anger if nothing else.

God Bless… prayers coming your way, :console:

Thanks for your kind words. I have been seeing a counsellor about a lot of this. My dad’s past and mine has been rocky to say the least, and part of it has landed me with PTSD. I am being (successfully) treated for it, and my counsellor says that it’s remarkable how quickly I’ve recovered and that my will is strong. It’s because of this recovery (which I attribute to the love and faithfulness of God) that I have even started the realtionship that exists now with my father.

I just…I don’t know. I guess I posted this looking for stories such as yours. Just something to hold on to. My counsellor can only do so much.I just want my father to be around at least long enough for him to see his grandchildren. I am simply waiting for God’s blessing with that one.

The whole thing is magnified by my mother as well. We’ve almost lost her several times, and the doctors have said that we’ll be lucky if we have her in 3 years and in all honesty she could go at any time. Although this going would be a physical leaving, since her mind is mostly gone these days anyway. Well, at least as far as having a relationship is possible. She has virtually no memory and no filters. It requires a lot of patience and a thick hide to spend time with her.

I’m honestly very happy with my life, and passionatly in love with the world and the people in it for the first time in…well…ever. I am just having a hard time coping with the idea of losing my parents – especially my dad since he is the only one I really have a relationship with. It’s hard because my parents are both in their 50s, and I just feel too young (I’m 24) to be dealing with losing my parents.

I am so very sorry for what you are having to go through. I have experienced something similar in my life. I too never had a “good” relationship with my father as a child and teen. However, after reaching adulthood, our relationship began to grow and we grew closer only to have him pass away suddenly while in Saudi Arabia after the first Gulf War. I felt cheated and angry (at God) because there were so many things left unsaid between us. I don’t know which is worse, losing a parent suddenly or knowing ahead of time that a parent is going to pass soon. One allows for “carefree” living believing that all is well but doesn’t always allow for preparation and words of love and the other allows for the preparation and words but doesn’t offer the comfort of being carefree. I don’t think that there is an optimal way. Just make sure that you don’t leave anything unsaid, that you are there for him, that he knows how much he means to you. I wish that there was something more that I can say to comfort you but there are really no words that can do that under these conditions except to let you know that you and your father are both in my prayers. God bless you.

I have been in a similar position. I won’t go into my personal details but I will say that you shouldn’t be grieving now. There’ll be time a-plenty to do that later. Right now you have a number of years to enjoy your renewed relationship with your father. He won’t thank you if you treat him as de-facto dead already!

Time is precious. Don’t waste it grieving for a future loss. Celebrate your current gain. Make the most of it. Otherwise you risk sinking into a despair that could even be sinful because it is entirely of your own making.

Think on this saying: The past is history. The future’s a mystery. Today is a gift. That’s why the call it the present. Make the most of it.

Enjoy your Dad. I know that’s what he wants you to do, and I know that what our Father in Heaven wants you to do as well.

I am very sorry you are going through such a hard time. I just said a prayer for you.

Treasure every moment with your dad. Let the past be in the past. Live for the time you now have with your dad and still dream about all of the tomorrows you will have together. Right now it seems that you are the best medicine for each other.

And forget those doctors and their guesses. I have known many people that beat the odds and predictions.

God bless!

Thank you so much everyone. This is really helping me.

DexUK, dconklin, tietjen:

You guys are completely right. my family and I are going on a camping trip in a week or so to do some fishing and star-gazing. I am really looking forward to it, and I am so very ecstatic to have him in my life. I really do treasure all the time I get with him, but occasionally the idea crops up on me that the time is more fleeting than I’d like and that’s a little hard to bear.

DISCLAIMER: The views and opinions expressed in these forums do not necessarily reflect those of Catholic Answers. For official apologetics resources please visit www.catholic.com.