I have been unemployed for about a year and three months. For a good long time, I was strong in saying - God will help me find a job. I have been doing charity work in the meantime. Six, seven months went by and nothing - no job. My prayers became more fervent. Nothing. Ten, eleven months went by and I began begging for help. Nothing - no job. By the end of the eleventh month, my faith began waivering. Other personal things in my life began to crash around me. More prayers for help - now to Our Mother and all the angels and saints in heaven. Nothing. I tried to recruit more souls to pray for me, for help, by the time the 12th month rolled around. This time I tried to recruit every possible soul in heaven, those in purgatory and prayer groups around the world.
Well, by the time January rolled around, I became exhausted with prayer. I feel empty, and that God is far away. My prayers seem to be falling on deaf ears. Nothing seems to work. I began to stop praying. I barely say the rosary, once a week now. Prayers seem fruitless, useless and just a waste of time. Then, I began to get a bit angry at Jesus. Disappointed, is a good word. Since November, I have been crying so hard, that massive tears fall - like I’ve never experienced before. I don’t recall ever crying so deeply, in my life. Nothing seems to console me.
I have now been praying lately for grace to trust in Jesus. Is this a sin, to lose trust in God?