Loss of Faith


#1

I’m not sure I’ll be completely clear in this post, mostly because I’m not sure of everything I’m thinking and feeling, but I’ll do my best.

Basically, over the past few months, I’ve lost my faith. I think that’s what I mean. Well, it’s not that I don’t believe in God, at least I think I still do, but it’s more that I just don’t really care. I don’t care that God says he loves me. I don’t even necessarily believe that he does. I don’t care about going to Mass or anything else that has any kind of “spiritual” bend to it.

I converted five years ago, and up until a few months ago, I was pretty devout. I even went on a pilgrimage to the Shrine in Alabama and to visit EWTN studios last September. I went to Mass regularly, confession regularly, had adoration times set aside, and was very active. Now, just thinking about doing those things turns me off.

I’m not sure what happened, and to be perfectly honest, I’m not totally sure I want it to change. Why I’m even posting this, I have no idea. I guess I just wanted to see if anyone else has had similar experiences and, if so, what you did about them.

I apologize if none of this makes much sense. Feel free to ask questions if you need some clarity, although I’m not sure if I’ll be able to make much more sense.

Thanks for the input.
Scout :tiphat:


#2

During all the times that I came here to vent and to write publicly about my losses of faith, even when I railed against God, religion and myself, knowing full well that I believed in God though I actively chose a life of willful disobedience, the one thing that remains constant in why I continue to post on this forum is that I want people to listen, I want them to hear me, and I want them to help me because I don’t know how to help myself.

I think you’re writing because somewhere within you still want to care even if, for the moment, you’re burned out, apathetic, and perhaps feeling concupiscent. In fact, I just revisited a story about the Hasidic master Menachem Mendle of Kotzk—called the Kotzker Rov. I now no longer find that my re-reading of the story was coincidence since your situation, as the situation of many others, seems to be a strong parallel.

You see, the Kotzker Rov spent the last years of his life in self-imposed isolation. Some maintained that he had withdrawn to spend all his time in communion with God. Others recognize that he withdrew from human contact in response to the way he felt God had withdrawn from him. His anguish became an expression of the depths of his faith. His silence—and God’s—became the hallmark of his own pained piety. Martin Buber recounts an episode from the years before the Kotzker Rov removed himself from the world. A disciple came to him:

“Rabbi,” he complained, “I keep brooding and brooding, and don’t seem able to stop.”

“What do you brood about?” asked the rabbi.

“I keep brooding about whether there really is a judgment and a Judge.”

“What does it matter to you?”

“Rabbi! If there is no judgment and no Judge, then what does all creation mean!”

“What does that matter to you?”

“Rabbi! If there is no judgment and no Judge, then what do all the words of the Torah mean!”

“What does that matter to you?”

“Rabbi! ‘What does it matter to me?’ What does the rabbi think? What else could matter to me?”

“Well, if it matters to you as much as all that,” said the rabbi of Kotzk, “then you are a good Jew after all….”

If it matters as much as you coming here and writing about your loss of faith, Scout, I would say you’re a good Christian after all.


#3

If you’re feelings of separation from God are due to sin, then go to confession. Its not called the sacrament of reconciliation for nothing. It litterally restores your relationship with God.

You can even confess that you fell like you don’t care about God anymore. He can take it. Even the disciples showed Christ that they didn’t care enough for him during his passion to stand by his side. He forgave them. Even if the emotion of love and reverence is not present, the action itself conveys respect for him.

If you are really going into a period of irreligion, hedge your bets and tell God you’re sorry about all this.

God bless,
Ut


#4

I’d suggest that you’re posting here because you still have some sort of craving for the love of our God, no matter how small it may be.

One of my friends recently went through a rough time when she did not feel that God loved her. She was convinced that God would never love her, and to be honest, I’m still not entirely sure where it stemmed from. In any case, she was refusing to pray or even open up her Bible. Soon enough, she realized that despite the shortcomings of her friends’ ability to show love to her, and despite how ****** she was feeling, God still loved her!

So, be assured that God is waiting for you to just take a look, and see how much He loves you.
I’ll say a prayer for you. I know what its like to be apathetic because this past year has been a bit of a roller coaster for me, and I tend to place my trust in my own mind rather than in the hands of God.


#5

OK, you are distancing yourself from anything you see as religious/spiritual; What is it you are closing in on? What is it you are now doing with your time ‘away’ from what you used to do before?


#6

Lol!


#7

Pray that you’ll start to care more. The fact that you’re hearing asking people about this is a good thing. I’d pray regularly, if it were me (and it has been for a while in the past), that I’d start caring. Pray to our Mother that you’ll start caring too and will feel reinvigorated, and maybe start wearing a Miraculous medal and see what happens. It does matter whether you believe or not, even if your feelings are telling you differently at this moment. I feel like quoting Obi-Wan from Star Wars, “This is a dangerous time for you, when you will be tempted by the Dark Side of the Force.”

“Yes, yes, to Obi-Wan you listen!”

Sorry, I’m feeling really goofy right now :D.

I am serious, though, about the importance of praying to care, praying this to our Mother and persisting carefully in spite of rebellious emotions. Thankfully, we don’t have to go with our feelings or trust in those treacherous, transitory thins. We can rely on a God who is faithful to us even if we are unfaithful to Him. Just persist in seeking Him, or at least in praying to care and feel again the value of your faith. In the meantime, treat your emotions and desires that are rebelling against you as though they are traitors and enemies, not to be heeded. For they are transitory. God, and the Catholic faith, are eternal life.


#8

You might consider reading the book Mother Teresa: Come Be My Light that reveals the inner darkness and loneliness that she struggled with.


#9

I agree with others who say that there’s probably something in you that still does care, or at least wants to care, otherwise you wouldn’t have come here.

I am what some might call a rollercoaster Christian. I will admit, I neglect my faith and get caught up in comparitively remedial everyday things and the hardships of this world we all face. But for some reason it all comes back to the same place, my faith and love for God.

If you are having trouble accepting Gods love for you, as I often did for so very long and sometimes still do, then it’s understandable why you would not feel particularly drawn to attend church and such. Take some time for personal contemplation and try to rekindle your faith in your own way at first.


#10

i lose my faith all the time… Then i get away from people… take a nature walk… and voile la’!!! My problem is solved … :smiley:

seriously, though, i don’t really understand your problem… i lose certain aspects of my faith or whatever… don’t know how to word it… but i never lose my love of God… nor can i say i have ever not cared that God loved me… :confused: Since everyone in the world despises me… it is very important to me that someone (preferably God) :smiley: loves me…

so maybe i’m not the right one to address this problem… . cause i can’t really relate… except that i HAVE been very angry at God before… Does that count?? and i’ve been angry many, many times… but then i tell myself that it isn’t God’s fault (except that he gave us &*^%$ free will :rolleyes:, it’s humans’ fault because they always want to act stupid… (Ok, almost always)…

but anyway…

maybe you really have been spending too much time around people lately… worldly people… Sometimes when i get caught up in worldly stuff, i don’t feel particuarly spiritual…

have you ever spent a lot of time in silence before the Blessed Sacrament… not saying anything, just listening… ???

that’s what seems to help me the most…


#11

It might be that your depressed. Sort of sounds like me when my depression was at it’s worst. Part of me was screaming “God! Go away! I don’t need this!” But there was still a part of me that hung onto him. I couldn’t completely let go. I think it was like a survivors instinct. I knew, deep down, how much I needed him. But in the fog of my mental and emotional pain I couldn’t see that.


#12

it seems the Holy spirit told me once (when i was angry @ God…) that i was getting God and the evil one (s) mixed up… i think that, being human and fallen creatures, we tend to do this… ***It is very hard, in today’s world, to believe, always… that God is love (1 Jn 4:8).***and yet He is…

there is so much hatred in the world, that we can so easily forget that… :frowning:


#13

Thanks to everone who has responded. I appreciate all the input. I’ll try to answer everyone’s questions.

No, I don’t think I’m depressed. I have bipolar, but this is the first time in a while where I’m on medication that is actually working. So, I don’t think that’s the problem.

As far as what I’ve been doing with my time, mainly just a lot of reading. Mostly novels and things like that. I love to read.

I spoke to a priest yesterday, and his advice was to take things slowly and just do something simple-like saying a prayer once a day and maybe going to Mass or watching a short program on EWTN. He said not to overwhelm myself or try and get back to where I was too quickly. He told me to take my time and enjoy the process.

Scout :tiphat:


#14

That was good you talked to a priest. :slight_smile:

Depression can be sneaky. Loss of interest in things you once enjoyed is a common symptom. Maybe keep an eye out here anyway.

HUGS,

Kathrin


#15

:slight_smile: I’ve taken the liberty to compile for you an eanerst prayer:

May God bless your broken heart, Scout. Amen.


#16

Distracted, I’m a bit confused at your response. Maybe I’m being a dunce, but could you clarify a bit please?


#17

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