Loss of Faith


Advice please
15 yr old daughter is having a crisis in her Faith. Background I grew up Lutheran married Catholic, Deacon at Church grew up Lutheran too- easy segue- until I read the early Church fathers- as Chesteton said if you are a student of history you will be Catholic.She attended Catholic school K-8 but now is at a public school "cause can't afford it -more than 10,000 a year.

She has problems with the treatment of homosexuals and with abortion-I have tried to teach her that its not the sinner but the sin. When the babies were sacrificed to Molek was not that abortion after the fact. Tried to show her that the Bible is the word of God and a template for our life on earth


I ask God to help you to defend your daughter’s faith and to answer her questions

Regarding abortion, you may perhaps wish to direct your daughter to this website.


The biology of the sexes is clearly and obviously set up for propagation of the species, therefore clearly meant for male and female to propagate the species.
The feelings involved are simply incentive for that purpose, not an end in themselves.


On abortion, not sure which YouTube link was posted, but there are several good ones there. She should see what an abortion actually looks like. I suspect that, if she did, she would never consider it acceptable. YouTube has The Silent Scream and Fr Pavone talking about the different procedures. There are also a couple of good books: Forbidden Grief has a lot of data about the damage abortion does to women and their families. Blood Money is a book about a woman who ran an abortion clinic in Texas. Also suggest that she see some testimonials on SilentNoMoreAwareness.org.

For homosexuality, the issue isn’t simply homosexuality, but sex outside of marriage. We no more (or less) condemn a homosexual relationship than we do a live-in arrangement. The key is chastity.

Look for a LifeTeen group in your area. Also look for a Catholic Youth Camp near where you live and sign her up for a week at camp this summer (now is the time to make reservations). There’s a great camp in GA called Cove Crest, and MANY teens have found their faith at that camp.

Most important of all, pray and fast. Pray for her faith every day (a rosary is a good practice) and fast once a week (or give up something you like until her faith is strengthened again.


I taught high school from 2002-2008, and I can tell you, schools are brainwashing our youth to believe that homosexuality is okay, and that a woman’s right to choose is the right choice.

I am sure I could have gotten in trouble, but I would debate with students if I overheard them talking about these issues.

What I have found is that both sides use emotion to win support.

Abortion supporters cite the examples of rape, or incest as reasons for abortions. These situations are troublesome, but they account for but a fraction of the abortions done. Explain (and show, look online for pictures of babies in the womb, info on the heartbeat at 3 weeks) that scientifically at the moment of conception a person is developing. So why should the mother have the right to chose but the baby not? Is the convenience of not carrying baby for 9 months worth murdering over? I am sure you can explain all this in a way that will help her understand.

Homosexual supporters will say that they have no choice, they are born this way. They will say it is genetic. They will use “If two people love each other, and they are consenting, then who are we to prevent them?” Explain that while it is difficult to tell two people whom love each other that they can’t, it is what must be done because it is right. You may want to use a non-religious approach as she is probably hearing at school people say “separation of church and state”.

So here is what I say. Man and woman are naturally meant for each other. Not only do their parts “fit” but that action results in the natural procreation of our species. Homosexual sex has always been view in all of history as something wrong. Ask her why that could be? To really get the point across that simply because 2 people chose to do something, does not mean we should let you can talk to her about polygamy or incest. Our government does not allow these situations to result in a marriage.

If you think the religious approach will work, then I would suggest the book in my signature. I recently read it, and it completely changed my view of sex and marriage. There is one chapter at the end on homosexuality, but you really should read the entire book, as things will make sense, plus you pretty much know why homosexuality is wrong by the time you get there. Seriously, buy that book, everyone.


Thank you all for your advice.


Catholics do not treat homosexuals with anything less than kindness. It’s my understanding that the Catholic church disallows sex outside of marriage and disallows marriage between people of the same gender. That homosexuals are caught in these cross-fires does not mean that the church condones mistreating homosexuals. It just means that the church views sexual relations between them as a sin. The individuals can use this information any way they want. The church only advises, it doesn’t punish or ridicule.

Regarding abortion, I’m a young woman. For most of my life, I saw nothing wrong with abortion and really bought into the liberal arguments in favor of it. Then I learned what abortion REALLY is. Like other responders, I think your daughter is probably mature enough to read medical descriptions and see images of actual abortions.

In 1972 with Roe v. Wade, it was easy for the liberal medical industry (for whom abortions are a steady stream of income!) to keep the public ignorant of what happens in an abortion, but today resources are readily available online.

Today, people think that late-term abortion is abhorrent, but the “chemical” or “vacuum” procedures that sound so innocent are actually pretty graphic too. This link might be a good starting point: prochoice.com/abort_how.html It has straight-forward textual descriptions of different methods of abortion that are employed.


Where did she get the idea that Catholic have a special "treamtment" for homosexuals?


I agree that you may want to discuss the reality of abortion with her. Not to scare her but explain what it would really mean. What kind of procedure would she have if she were five months pregnant? I was secular and had no faith but at 14 one of my friends (also 14) was pregnant and was told by the doctor coldly the reality of what was going to happen to her baby. We were very shocked we always thought abortion was just an "operation" or "procedure". When he explained to her that she baby would be killed in the womb and then she would have to deliver the baby or it would be vacuumed out we were speechless. From that point on I decided I could never have an abortion, but it was a slow process to get to the point that all abortion is wrong.

Also the fact that doctors will pull out all the medical stops to save a premature baby, while another baby of the same age could be aborted.


And absolutely correct… secular belief taught as fact.

Mom of 15 yr old, teach the difference between a fact and a belief and tell her she needs to critically think about things a tad better than that, not be mindlessly swayed by one side or another. Her cerebral cortex is growing now; she’s going to question. Teach her how to question using her rational brain and tell her the choice to *believe *in our faith is hers now. (but she still has to go to catechism and church so long as she is under your roof).


Oh, I had an afterthought about how to teach her critical thinking skills on some contemporary issues; sorry the length:

abortion-- someone above had a terrific idea and a link.

About genetic basis for homosexuality, etc, There is no conclusive research on that, just conflicting research; *have her *check that out. Also more importantly, there is ample and solid evidence that environment, social especially influences the “expression” of genes. There is no determinism in science right now. That’s ancient history. Have her look it up herself (nature-nurture; genes-environment studies). There is also plenty of evidence that the brain is “plastic,” meaning learning new behaviors changes brain chemistry and function; difficult yes, impossible no. Have her look up neuroplasticity.

Homosexuals being treated poorly by the Church probably has to do with blaming them for the sex abuse scandals, banning them from priesthood, and telling them they can’t have sex and remain Catholic. That’s a value issue and a choice in being Catholic. She can feel about it whatever she wants but if she wants to be Catholic, she needs to research thoroughly why this is so before she snaps to disagreement unthinkingly. This is a matter of ones relationship with God and Church.

About pre-marital sex, there are studies linking that to the bonding chemical oxytycin. Mess that up by bonding with lots of people, makes break-ups quite painful. Biology has a lot to do with emotions.

Masturbation is self-perpetuating for chemical reasons also and later in life there is a question about social and intimacy inabilities playing a role in that (have her read the sociological and psychological research). That masturbation is a sin; that’s about virtue and becoming less selfish as a means of becoming a better person in addition to becoming holy.

I know this is not a “Catholic perspective,” but I feel when you are dealing with the secular arguments for losing faith, you need to “make use of this world’s goods that they may bring you everlasting life in heaven.”

Sorry the length. I have used this with my own teenagers. They are choosing church and the sacraments on their own now rather than just because it is my belief. But I have always had an unusual way of tackling these problems.


What about this famous picture michaelclancy.com/


Thank you all for your advice- I accept it all . A little more detail- both of my children are adopted- Birth Mom’s chose us because of my wife’s ( and subsequently my )Catholic faith. Daughter is very brilliant (took SAT in 7th grade and scored in 96th percentile against 11th and 12th graders). I am a little smarter than her (National Merit Scholarship) so up until this last year I could reason with her. I remember when I was in 10th/11th grade how I thought that what Jesus said is a very good social construct. I couldn’t believe that someone rose from death let alone someone who claimed to be God. Time has altered my teenage perspective- my Church has adult studies, I have read the Bible cover to cover more than 20 times ( I used to read it every 3 years starting at around age 16)- I guess you could say it was a “Disipline” even tho’ at the time I was Protestant.My wife and I have been doing what is called “Adult Faith Formation” at our Church for the last 3 years. One of the Deacons runs the program- we have been through several of Jeff Cavins series which are absolutely outstanding.
I believe she may be like me and take awhile (20 yrs for me) to begin to see the truth of our Faith. Every night I give both our kids the Aaronic blessing from the old testament “May the Lord bless you and keep you, may the Lord make his face shine upon you and be gracious to you, may the Lord lift up his counteneance upon you and give you peace”. This is helping as I started this years ago and my daughter knows that I believe. Sometimes she asks why I still do it because she doesn’t really think it does any good- I answer her that it does matter because it does good for her and especially for me.


Get her to reading Chesterton...

Also Kreeft and Sheed and Fulton Sheen.


Ravi Zachrias is a wonderful author, and much of his material touches and resonates with disillusioned young people.

he is not a Catholic, but came to Christian faith as a young, suicidal man with no place in his society or family, seeking answers to life's questions, and fiding those answers in Jesus.

he speaks on the radio, and speaks very intelligently, and thoughtfully. his approach is both emotional and intellectual, and i would recommend him as a guide to what makes Christian faith and Christ unique and meaningful.


Dear Bailey2

I'm Dad not Mom- I guess I'm like most ''reverts" in that my wife (cradle) says I'm much more Catholic than she>


It may help to find and emphasize the common ground that you have with your daughter rather than drawing "battle lines."

Perhaps there is a Catholic soup kitchen where you could volunteer together? Or a St. Vincent de Paul center? When we perform the corporal works of mercy, the Holy Spirit transforms the world (and us).


Didn't make her watch the abortion videos- she says she knows now after our discussions about abortion that she thanks her birth Mom for her life- as far as the homosexual thing - from K-8 she went to Catholic school but we couldn't afford Catholic high scholl (7500 tuition plus fees which easilly add up to 10000). She says public school in GA not only teaches tolerance but sometimes lauds the lifestyle.
She came to me yesterday saying she needs to go to Reconcilliation so that she can recieve the Eucharist. Asked why she told me it was my example of being fair and charitable to all I take care of (I'm a doc) , that I study the Bible and attend Bible studies at our church and that she sees I'm happier when I am engrossed in my studies especially of the early Chuch fathers which really helped me to "revert".

Praise the Lord that my disipline has affected my 15 yr old daughter!

Yours in Chist Jesus



DISCLAIMER: The views and opinions expressed in these forums do not necessarily reflect those of Catholic Answers. For official apologetics resources please visit www.catholic.com.