Loss


#1

I looked in today. I do from time to time to see if I can find a place to belong. Today I noticed that I have have been observed not to have posted in some time.

It’s suggested that I add my voice in prayer, why?

My prayers don’t seem to bring me comfort, how could any prayers I say be of help to anyone else?
When I say my rosary every morning, I ask Jesus for his help. If he does not hear my prayers, why would he, if I pray for someone else. And believe me, I do not believe I’m more deserving then others.

My life still falls into the same helplessness, disappointment, despair, how could my prayers help anyone else.

I live in the midwest, have most my life. I hate looking outside seeing the bleakness of winter. I hate the cold, I hate the snow. To me there is nothing beautiful. People say how pretty is the snow. I say God make it go away. I hate driving during the winter. I have to drive to work, I’m afraid to the point of being sick every morning. I find nothing good about winter. It represent death to me and I fear it. But then there is a part of me, who welcomes it and prays it comes as soon as possible.

It was suggested I ask a question, what question? Why am I so disappointed in my life? Why do I hate the direction it has taken? Why can’t I accept the life I have been given? Why did all my dreams and hopes died? What can I do to make it better? How do I find happiness? I can ask questions, the problem is there are no answers!!! :frowning: Nothing changes, and I’m too tired!!! And why do I drink myself into numbness?

It’s suggested I comment on the news, why, the news is miserable. Truth be told my husband will soon lose his job. Our retirement has gone down the tubes because of the current economy. Why should I care that the auto companies need help financially? They screwed up, not me. The morgage companies, banking companies, all screwed everyone because of their own greediness. They screwed up, not me. And the problem is, we’re all going to pay for it.

I have fought to keep out of debt all my life. What debts we made, we handled them, paid them off, being responsible. I’m tired of being asked to handle others. I’m tired of fighting battles dumped on us becaused of the incompentence of others. Companies as well as individuals.

So here I am, tired, depressed, struggling to make it through another day. And why, tomorrow will be no different.

The times are just getting to be too much, I thought I was strong, but I no longer care to fight. I’m tired. My husband and I fight all the time now. I’m afraid our marriage will not survive this, this time, because I just don’t have the strength to keep fighting. Christmas is coming, and God help me I hate it. It means nothing to me, but more loss, more disappointment. Help me Jesus. NO MORE!!!

I want to go home now!!!


#2

Sakay, I ask God to help you with the depression that you suffer from. To find no joy in life shows that your despression is very deep, so I ask God to help you get help for this.

I ask God to help you with the grace to see something good in things, and to give Him thanks for those things even if you don’t feel like it…so that your heart is able to grow little by little into a happier place.

I ask Him to help you to obtain help for your drinking…and to help you in your relationship with your husband. Your husband is suffering too and also needs kindness and peace.

God bless you, Sakay


#3

Hey I’m sorry for what you are going through. I have been where you are right now…different set of circumstances but same thoughts and feelings and a desperate need to escape. If you are feeling suicidal you really need to pick up the phone and get some help…even if you have to admit yourself into the hospital…I think that just about everyone is going through some real hard times financially…including myself. But I know that for me I have to put my trust in God and just do the best that I can. And I don’t have to look to far to see someone who is in a worse situation than I am. I have to be grateful for what I have and keep things one day at a time…otherwise I will become overwhelmed with despair and the fear of the future will overcome me. I have the tendency to make small things quite big and negative and if I’m not careful I accept false evidence as appearing real. Find something to be grateful for no matter how small…and stop and thank God…be mindful go from there…As rotten as you feel-Thank God you can feel…some people can’t. And helping another by prayer or otherwise will help you also…it helps you get out of yourself. Right now you are going through the Agony with Jesus-give it to Him. He will carry you through this-I know cause He carried me and He still carries me when I need to be carried.:hug1: :console: If you find you can’t believe that-then believe that I believe & don’t stop praying. I’ll be praying for you as well.


#4

my heart is torn apart just reading this.

your pain bleeds through so strongly, and i don’t know if words could ever be enough for what i’m feeling right now. how much i can relate to you, how much my heart bleeds and hurts for you and all that you’re going through. before i share with you the prayer that i will lift up to God, in Jesus’ Name, through our Blessed Mother, especially for you, tonight and every night, i want to share part of my testimony with you – just a short part, as the story of how God brought me to Himself in Love after three years of deep darkness is extremely long and complex – in the deepest hope and prayer that it will inspire and encourage you and touch your heart in at least some small way.

[warning: my story is incredibly graphic and disturbing. please don’t read if you are sensitive to issues such as cutting and suicide.] my name is alison, and i am 16, and for the past year i have been a nondenominational evangelical Christian, but about a week ago i made the decision to return completely to the precious Catholic Faith with all my heart. before this, however, i knew three years of intense, broken darkness that words could never be enough to describe. when i was twelve years old, i fell in love with a girl who i would bleed and hurt for over the next two and a half years, until i was fifteen. obviously, i struggled with homosexuality, and i also began to cut myself and become suicidal at the age of twelve. in june 2005, i was hospitalized for severe depression, cutting, mild anorexia and suicidal thoughts. in december 2005, i had an emotional, mental and spiritual breakdown, and collapsed into tears, pain, cuts and scars for several months afterwards. i continued to cut myself constantly, and i was incredibly suicidal. two years ago, in october 2006, the girl i was in love with moved away, and i had another complete breakdown of the heart and soul. i began to cut myself deeper and more constantly, i became more suicidal than i had ever been and i began to self-destruct and do horrible things to myself and others. i had been struggling spiritually and with my sexuality for some time, and by december 2006 i was absolutely convinced that God hated me and that i was destined to go to Hell and suffer forever, just as i was suffering on earth. i labeled myself an atheist and turned completely away from God, and that’s when my life completely fell apart. my grandmother died in november 2006 – a few days before she died, i brought a razor to school and was caught cutting myself in the school bathroom. on december 26, 2006, i cut myself deeper than i had ever done before, and almost needed stitches. on december 28, 2006, i almost committed suicide – i brought about 100 pills up to my room and seriously contemplated swallowing them all at once, but something stopped me. i believe now with all my heart that it was God taking care of me even after i had turned completely away from Him. i was hospitalized from december 29 – january 16, 2007, and returned to school on february 5. on march 28, 2007, i attempted suicide – i overdosed on 40 ibuprofen, and paced my bedroom for half an hour, waiting to die. when nothing happened, i figured that the pills weren’t going to affect me and that i might as well go to the hospital sooner rather than later. i called 1-800-SUICIDE, and when the ambulance came, when they put the IV in my arm, i passed out and stopped breathing. i spent two days in the pediatric ICU with a tube down my throat because i couldn’t breathe on my own. the miraculous part is that when they checked my body for signs of damage, the pills had not affected any part of my body. i know now with all my heart that God intervened to keep me alive and save me from Hell even when i had turned away from Him. i was hospitalized for the third and final time from march 30, 2007 – august 10, 2007, when i was finally released. i suffered and struggled spiritually and emotionally for some time until november 22, 2007, the night that i gave my heart to Jesus – and was healed completely and forever, of my homosexuality, cutting, suicidal thoughts and redeemed of my past, washed clean in His precious Blood and saved by His Love.

**So here I am, tired, depressed, struggling to make it through another day. And why, tomorrow will be no different. **–> i shared part of my testimony with you because that line simply broke my heart. i can relate to you so much, and my heart breaks for you beyond words. i don’t know how words could ever be enough to tell you how deeply sorry i am that you’re suffering so much right now. i just want you to know that there is hope completely and forever in Jesus alone, and that He loves you so much more than you could ever imagine, and that even though it feels like He’s not listening to you, i promise you with all my heart that He is, and that He is lovingly waiting for the right moment to bring you to Himself to hold you in His arms of Love forever.


#5

when i was depressed and caught up in my own darkness and suffering, i was absolutely convinced that God despised me and had abandoned me, when the truth was that He loved me enough to save me from Hell when i was only half an hour away from dying and being lost forever, and that He was with me taking care of me even after i turned away from Him. don’t make the same mistakes i did and turn away from the God Who loves you so, so much and longs so passionately to heal and restore you. i feel such a strong burden for you, and i feel like God wants me to reach out to you and share my story with you. please hold on, and please take care of yourself. please stay strong, and please stay safe. i know with all my heart that God and His angels and saints and our Blessed Mother are all watching over you with love, and i promise you that they will all take care of you. sakay, God loves you and He will take you home at the right time – but for now, i know He has a beautiful plan for your life and so many blessings that He longs to pour out upon you. i don’t know why God is allowing you to suffer – there are many reasons why He could be allowing this pain in your life. please remember, though, that God loves you so much, and that all that He does in your life is according to His good and perfect will for your life, and it’s impossible for Him to do anything that would hurt you because it’s against His nature to do anything that isn’t out of His great and deep love for you. i speak from experience when i tell you that God is with you, even when you can’t feel Him, and looking at you with love, even when you can’t see Him, and Jesus is holding you, even when you can’t touch Him. just as God carried me through my darkness until i could walk again, hand-in-hand with Him, He is carrying you right now until you can walk again as well. please don’t give up, and please don’t lose hope. there is always hope in God, and there is always hope and healing in His Love. please, sakay, God loves you. don’t ever forget it, and don’t ever forget the hope you have in Him.

of course Jesus hears your prayers. it may seem that He is not listening to you or has forgotten and abandoned you, but i promise that He hears every smallest whisperthought of yours, and your every smallest, quietest cry for help He takes into His loving heart as a prayer that He will answer in His Own time and way. He hears you, and He loves you, and He will heal and restore you. i feel a strong urge to reach out to you—i just hope and pray that at least one thing in this message will touch and heal your heart and help you. oh, please know, sakay, that i love you even though i don’t know you, and that i lift up you and your husband through this incredibly difficult time of darkness and despair, and that i will keep both of you in my constant thoughts and deepest prayers, beginning with this one - -


#6

Heavenly Father,
my heart is torn apart and bleeding as i read about sakay’s pain and all that she’s going through right now. i know with all my heart that You remember clearly when i was hurting like this, and when i cried out to You and felt that i received no reply. i know with all my heart that You remember my pain and my hurt, and i know with all my heart that You long so passionately to heal and restore sakay just as You healed and restored me after my own darkness. i lift up sakay now to You, Lord, with all my heart, along with her husband, and along with all people who are suffering along with her. Lord, first i pray that she finds a place where she feels that she belongs—whether it is a Catholic Church, a place in the community, a place among friends or simply a quiet time of prayer and Love with You. i pray that You would touch her heart deep inside with Your Love, and pour out Your blessings, hope, healing, Love and restoration upon her, until she knows how deeply she is loved and cherished by You, and how incredibly precious she forever is to You. i pray that You would grant her the grace and the strength not to give up in prayer, not to turn away from You and not to give up on life, but to keep praying, keep hoping, keep trusting in You. i pray that You would draw her near to Yourself and hold her close to Your Heart of Love until Your Heart beats in time with hers and she realizes just how much she means to You. i pray that she would not give up on life, but that You would strengthen her through this difficult time, and pour out Your Hope upon her, the same Hope and courage and strength and Love and life and light that You poured out upon me when i was restored from my own pain. i pray, Lord, that from her helplessness, hopelessness and despair, You would bring beauty, hope, healing and restoration in Your Love that i pray would keep her strong and safe in You. i pray that You would send Your angels to watch over her and protect her in every moment of her life, but especially as she drives to work, and that You would heal her of her fear of death and driving. i pray that You would open her eyes and her heart to the beauty of this Christmas season, and that You would touch her heart with the meaning of why this is such a joyous time of year as we celebrate Your Love and Your Son’s glorious birth, as He came to save us all. i pray that You would remind sakay of this, and restore her peace, joy, hope, faith and trust in You until her happiness returns, and she is able to celebrate Jesus’ Birth in peace and hope once more. i pray that You would help her to find the answers to her questions, and that she would no longer need to ask questions about hopelessness and despair, but that You would heal and restore her completely and forever, bringing her close to Yourself and strengthening her in hope, joy, peace and Love. i pray, Lord, that You would completely restore her hopes and dreams until she is able to hope and trust in You again, and until the light and life returns to her soul that i pray You would touch in a special way through the same tender healing You gave to me. i pray that You would heal her of her drinking, and that instead of drinking to cope, she would turn to You and trust in You and always remember the hope she has in You now and forever. just as i was healed of hurting myself to cope with my pain, heal her of drinking herself to numbness, Lord, and strengthen her just as You strengthened me, so that she never turns back to the bottle again for help, but always turns to You for true hope and Love. i pray that everything would work out for her and her husband financially, and that You would heal her of any bitterness she may hold against others whose greed has caused pain and problems in her life. help her to forgive them, Lord, and to trust in You, for i know that You will care for her as i pray You would pour out Your blessings and Love upon her. Lord, grant sakay strength – help her through each day, and heal her completely until each day is not a burden, but a blessing. open her eyes to the beauty of the life You blessed her with, and help her to treasure each moment as a gift from You, a gift of Love from You just for her, because You love her, a truth that i pray You would make extremely real to her, Lord. i pray that You would heal sakay’s marriage and replace fighting with peace and harmony, and that You would strengthen sakay and her husband to stay close and hold each other tight through this time even as You hold sakay in Your arms of Love and carry her until she can walk again on her own. Lord, i pray that You would heal sakay in time for Christmas so that she can spend this holiday in the hope and warmth of this joyous, glorious season, and that You would restore her completely and forever physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually, blessing her and bringing her closer to You than she has ever been before. heal her as You healed me, and restore her as You restored me. i pray that sharing my testimony with her may help, inspire and touch her, and that she may realize that she is never alone, for You are with her always and have promised never to leave or forsake her. i pray all this, precious, loving Father, through our Blessed Mother, Mary, my angel and all the saints, who i ask now to pray with me for sakay’s hope and healing, in Jesus’ mighty Name – Amen.

please stay strong, sakay, and please stay safe, and please take care of yourself. please hold on, and please remember the hope that you forever have in God. please know that i am always here and will always care if you ever need anything at all or would just like to talk about anything at all, so please don’t ever hesitate to contact me. i will definitely pray for you again tonight and every night, so please keep us updated on how you’re doing, alright? God bless you, sakay, and please take care.

love,
in the peace and love of Christ,
alison xx


#7

Amen! Amen!


#8

Having experienced 12 years of depression and God blessing me by pulling me out of it miraculously, this prayer thread has touched me in the deepest recesses of my heart! xAlisonx could not have joined this forum at a better time to offer this beautiful prayer for you. Thank you for sharing xAlisonx and I hope you can become a beautiful witness of testimony to the power of God!!!

Sakay, I feel for you on so many levels! I pasted this prayer because I could feel it! I felt like the words were taken from my soul! I could not have said my own prayer because any other prayer would pale in comparison. This was a sobering reminder of where I used to be in my life and honestly words cannot express what my heart feels for you. How I feel is becoming a prayer in itself, revealing to God the compassion I truly have in understanding where you come from!

I often wonder why I have been so blessed to be pulled from my depression and why He seems to let others continue in their suffering. My heart burns in prayer for you! I have written you both on my prayer list!

May God bless you for turning here for help in prayer…through Mary, Joseph and all the Angels and Saints!


#9

At the top fo my priorities for prayers to night and continually, I hold you in my heart for the next 7 days.

I pray that Jesus will give you the strength and the realization that God has never let go of you no matter what has happened. May God allow you to know the beauty of his heart and soul and how much hope he has to offer.

Amen.


#10

I can barely imagine what you must be going through… But you’re certainly not alone in this, we’re all here praying for you and most of all God is there for you. Praying that you’ll find strength and peace. I’ll be praying for you during todays Mass and for the next week. Stay strong! :slight_smile:


#11

Holy Spirit, through You all spiritual gifts are distributed. Please send charity and love to the heart of sakay, her husband, and all those in her life. May patience and humility prevail, making all worthy to be called children of God. Hear all their prayers whenever they suffer in this world, as You did on the Cross. Mary, pray with us. Amen. :signofcross:


#12

Life often seem very dark. I feel the same way often. I ask God he does not seem to answer, so often I doubt about hearing my prayers for others. But looking from a different angle, he does hear and answer, he just does it strangly differently. I mean, I think alot, I get to understand things, but I have almost 0 strength to practice them. What is the point of having a car with no gaz to go anywhere. I ask God for strength of heart, but I can’t even gather myself to pray anymore and I know very well, how important it is to pray. So I am in a sort of closed circle, I can understand that God wouldn’t answer me if I don’t pray, but how will I get strength to pray if I don’t pray…?!

Well, what I do, I make short prayers whenever I gather strength. I count on the Blessed Mother and the Saints to help out.

Praying for you…

Lamb of God who takes away the sins of the world, have mercy on us,
Lamb of God who takes away the sins of the world, have mercy on us,
Lamb of God who takes away the sins of the world, grant us peace.


#13

Sakay,I will keep you and your husband in prayer.Please don’t drink.That won’t help but will make things "appear"worse.A lot of us have lost thousands of dollars in our retirement accounts through no fault of our own.Depend on Jesus not the stock market.xAlisonx,Great wittness to the Love and saving grace of our Heavenly Father.Will keep all on this thread in prayer.Peace,Rocky.


#14

Sakay,

Will keep you and your husband in my prayers. You always have a place to turn to here. All who have posted and many who read your thread will be praying for you. Know that during these hard times, God is here and listening to us in our prayers. Remembering you in prayers and in the days ahead…

God Bless and take care…


#15

Praying that something extraordinary happens so that you are given a brighter outlook on life and a sense of purpose.

Hail Mary,
Full of Grace,
The Lord is with thee.
Blessed art thou among women,
and blessed is the fruit
of thy womb, Jesus.
Holy Mary,
Mother of God,
pray for us sinners now,
and at the hour of our death.
Amen


#16

Praying for you. Asking God’s mercy to wash upon you.


#17

Dear Sakay, I beg you to continue to pray your rosary every morning. I’m sure that The Holy Father will not loose a so lovely child like you. I’ll keep you in my heart this week. Conyinue praying and tomorrow will be different than yesterday. God bless you.
Warmly Tarek.


#18

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