Lost a friend


#1

Hi everyone,
Thanks in advance for any responses and prayers, I appreciate it greatly and will keep you all in my prayers. I was born and raised Catholic but didn’t practice my faith until a couple of years ago. But once I started practicing, it was a full conversion. I let my heart sink deep into the Church and I love it. Well, once I got into my faith I basically let go of all my old friends (or at least slipped away) because of their lifestyles. I tried to persuade them to come to Church with me but it wasn’t happening. Anyway, I made some new friends in the Church, but one in particular that I clicked really well with. We actually became best friends because we went to Adoration together. We thought of each other as nothing less than brothers, up until a couple months ago. We got into a little scuffle and didn’t talk for a few days. Well I swallowed my pride and apologized, and he accepted. The problem is, ever since then, we’ve only hung out a couple times, and it’s been about three months (or more), and right before this scuffle we hung out everyday. Now it’s even worse. I’ve tried calling him a few times and get no answer, and about a week ago I sent him an e-mail basically spilling my guts out, and got nothing. Normally I wouldn’t take this so hard (I’m not the emotional type), but this friend was/is especially important to me because he was my first friend when I converted, and because we literally built our friendship around Christ (in Adoration). Plus, I don’t really keep in contact with my old friends (and it’s probably better that way), and I guess I just feel kind of lonely. Anyways, I’m rambling, I guess I’m just asking for a little advice and some prayers (please). Thanks again.


#2

Hello catholickid33 and welcome to CAF.I am sorry for your predicament with your friend.Firstly how wonderful that you have such strong faith and are committed to loving and serving the Lord.You have shown that you are striving to do the best you can in your life as regards your faith.It is clear this friendship was so very improtant to you and I am sorry there are problems at present.Why don’t you talk to your priest about all this.Explain what has happened and see what his suggestions may be.Pray to Our Blessed Lord for strength and guidance.Go to confession also as this will clear your conscience.I don’t know the details of the ‘scuffle’ (and nor do I need to know)I just know it usually takes two to have a misunderstanding so if you go to confession you will feel a whole lot better.In the meantime concentrate on adoring Our Blessed Lord and serving Him,talk to others make more friends.
God bless you


#3

Sometimes, we have friends for a lifetime. Sometimes, we have friends for a season. Sounds like your friend has chosen the latter and it's time to move on to greener pastures. Pray to God to send you a good friend, and let Him send you someone. :)


#4

I’ve been where you’ve been - albeit different subject matter causing the falling out. It was quite devastating at the time (20 years ago!) but I’ve come to realise that this sort of thing is just part of life’s great tapestry of experiences. If this other person is not prepared to set aside the argument and return to the friendship then you’re going to have to let it be, since anything else would be forced, uncomfortable and inauthentic, and you don’t want that for this person do you?

Friends come and go, even those who played big parts in seminal moments in our lives. What matters is the person that we become as a result.

Do not spend you time constantly looking back in regret or in anger. Use those experiences to teach you how to be a better person now.

The past is history, the future’s a mystery. Today is a gift from God. That’s why it’s called the Present.

Try to finish grieving over this friendship. It’s doing you no good.


#5

I'm really sorry you're going through that! If you've sincerely apologized and tried to make amends and he won't respond, I don't think there's anythine else you can do besides pray. Maybe he just needs a little more time to get over what happened - I know it would be a little ackward for me being around someone I recently fought with even if the issue has been resolved. It's like the big elephant in the room, you know? Hopefully he will feel better in another few months. At least he is hanging out with you occasionally. There are other posters here who have had friends cut off contact completely. As long as you keep up at least occasional contact there is a chance you two can go back to having the kind of close relationship you used to have.


#6

I have no idea how old you are so this advice is probably not the best. However, 'Hanging out every day' is teenager behavour. And the older you get, the more it slips into being totally unhealthy. If he was your only friend after you converted, subconsciously you probably put more expectations on him than is fair and deep down he resented it. To hang out once or twice a month once is still a good friendship. When people have the responsibility of a full time job and a house to keep up, free time is scarce. However, it sounds that perhaps your time together is a bit tense.

One last thing, when you swallowed your pride and apologized, did you do it for the check mark (ie I apologized so you can't hold it agaisnt me any more) or did you really empathize with the pain you caused him.

lastly, since I don't know what happened during the 'scuffle' for all I know your friend was purposely trying to hurt you because it was the only way he knew of to get out of having to see you everyday.

Hope you find some peace about this

CM


#7

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