Lost family, just making it by


#1

My husband and I used to be huge into our faith. He was raised Catholic and he never missed Mass. I was raised Baptist but after we started dating I began studying and decided I wanted to be Catholic. Tried to join RCIA but several times it fell through. Mainly cause I was struggling with past demons. A past of abuse and rape, some occurred in church growing up. I spent years trying to heal and praying for hours for help. My husband(then boyfriend) stood by me and helped me through it all. I started feeling like I was making progress finally and remember thanking God for getting me through and I asked him to please never let anything like that happen again cause I couldn't handle it. Two months after that prayer I was attacked, raped, and almost strangled to death by a stranger who came into my apartment. My faith shattered...as did my boyfriend's at watching and struggling through it all with me. It was too much and we couldn't understand.

That was a few years ago. We have two beautiful girls ages 19 months and 4 months and will be married a year next month(Yes we had/conceived out of wedlock, didn't matter to us at the time). My husband is a corrections officer and I stay home with the girls. I have made lots of progress healing on my own. My children helped me because I realized I had to stop living in the past and move forward. I forgave myself, I no longer hate those who hurt me, and recently I have let go of my anger at God and realized it really wasn't his fault. I haven't been to church in years though and, honestly, I have no idea what I believe anymore. But I miss God. I miss believing. I was happier then. I felt more whole. No matter how much I don't wanna admit that, it's true. My husband was a less cynical and less angry man when he was into his faith. He was into it way more than me and I feel like it's my fault that he turned away from the Church. He's a very good man, a great father, but he's not happy I don't think. I miss when we used to pray together, say the Rosary together, and go to Mass. I always dreamed of us taking our kids to church with us and everything, but so far our kids have never been inside a church. We were married by the court magistrate. Neither of us has stepped foot in a church in years.

The other night we watched the movie Fireproof. Today I bought the Love Dare book and am going to start tomorrow. Not even a year married and I already feel like our marriage is falling apart. He blames the stress on the kids, on having them so close and the stress that comes with it...but honestly we have both been ignoring the other important things in life. Like our relationship, and our spirituality. I want to figure things out and I want things to get better. Right now I just feel like we're just making it by and not really living. I really hope things will get better here. Just not sure where to start. I don't know what I want here, just any advice or suggestions on how to heal my marriage and find my way back to God I guess. Cause right now I feel so lost and alone all the time. I have no one to turn to...all our friends ditched us when we settled down.


#2

God bless you in all your struggles. God always has a plan for us even when we can't see what it might be or when things don't make sense and everything seems like you're in a deep, dark hole. You have my prayers.

I think you both need to see a priest together. Set up an appointment for a good, long talk about your situation and your lives. He will certainly do all he can to help you as you put your lives back on track. When we get our lives all messed up, the best thing to do is to put things together again, starting with getting the help you need. It's like being hit by a tornado and rebuilding, I know.

Trust in God and take the steps that will lead you back to goodness and true happiness and all will be well. :)


#3

I think you are on the right track. I loved the movie "Fireproof" and the Love Dare book is great. I wish you all the best.

There is healing in foregiveness - I think you are on the right track there too. I will pray for your husband and you.

God Bless,
John


#4

You are certainly on the right track with what you said about forgiveness, and also with "fireproof". With prayer, and in time, you and your husband and your precious little ones can be in the Church!

God bless you on your journey....


#5

Thank you all. Right now my husband isn’t really wanting to talk much about God and religion. He just isn’t sure anymore what to think in terms of God, but he has said he misses it too sometimes. I am hoping we can find our way back. But I think before that happens we’ll have to work our way back to each other and then work together back to God and His Church. Thank you all again…


#6

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