Lost....


#1

I am going out with this great guy, and I think it could lead to something really serious. However, I have an STD its HPV, and its so hard to tell him because I myself don’t know how I got it. I’m still a virgin I didn’t do anything as far as I am concerned to be ashamed of, but God gave me this test. It took three years to admit the problem to myself, and sometimes I still feel dirty even though I know I didn’t do anything. I just don’t know how to tell this to another person if it took me three years…I don’t know what his reaction will be. I know this sounds ridiculous STD without sex, but its the truth. I just don’t know what to do next. Can I get some advice please.


#2

I wish I could help you…but I just wanted to let you know that you are in my prayers. The rosary is always being said for CAF members. I hope someone can truly give you the help you need. :slight_smile:


#3

Dear fallen,
A dear friend got a minor STD from a gynecological visit to a university health clinic. Like you, she was a virgin and not fooling around. She apparently got it from improperly sterilized instruments. I mention this because this could have been what happened to you. If so, you should alert the clinic that their sterilization procedures are inadequate and also warn other women away, particularly if the clinic is in denial (after rereading your post, I see that it happened a long time ago and you may not know the source). In my friend’s case the clinic denied everything.

I am very sorry for your burden.  You have been given a heavy cross to carry.  I am sorry, but plese pray about it and ask the Lord to use it to strengthen your character and soul.  I will pray for you.  

I don't know the details of HPV, but assume that it cannot be cured.  I think you need to find out how it can be transmitted and not engage in any activities which could result in transmission, particularly with people who have not consented to being exposed to the disease (of course I am also assuming that you are being faithful to the church's teachings on sexual morality).  

I think you are morally obligated to tell a boyfriend about your condition when the intimacy of your relationship begins to approach the level of confidentiality with which you hold this information, or when it is possible he could be exposed to the virus.  He will then have to decide whether he wants to take on this challenge.  Some men may not want to; others may.  But you must give them the choice.

I'm sorry that this is so unfair for you.  Life is not fair.  Perhaps this will be the way in which you become a saint.  Again, I will be praying for you.

Please don’t see yourself as fallen. Pray especially to Mary. Your plight must mean a great deal to her.


#4

[quote=fallengrace]I am going out with this great guy, and I think it could lead to something really serious. However, I have an STD its HPV, and its so hard to tell him because I myself don’t know how I got it. I’m still a virgin I didn’t do anything as far as I am concerned to be ashamed of, but God gave me this test. It took three years to admit the problem to myself, and sometimes I still feel dirty even though I know I didn’t do anything. I just don’t know how to tell this to another person if it took me three years…I don’t know what his reaction will be. I know this sounds ridiculous STD without sex, but its the truth. I just don’t know what to do next. Can I get some advice please.
[/quote]

HPV is not one virus, it is a group of over 100+ viruses, some are sexually transmitted and some are not. Even within the category of viruses that are sexually transmitted, they can be transmitted in other ways.

How do you know you have HPV? Have you been diagnosed? If you have not discussed this with your gynocologist, please do so immediately. Some types of HPV are curable.

Some forms of HPV can lead to cervical cancer so it’s important they they test, diagnose, and treat you as soon as possible. It is especially important to determine if you have “low risk” or “high risk” HPV as it relates to possible future cervical problems.

As for your future spouse, when that time comes-- tell them the truth. HPV is manageable, it’s not life threatening. And, you did nothing wrong so you have nothing to feel guilt or shame about.


#5

HPV is not one virus, it is a group of over 100+ viruses, some are sexually transmitted and some are not. Even within the category of viruses that are sexually transmitted, they can be transmitted in other ways.

This is true, absolutely. Do not beat yourself up or feel shame about having an “STD”. If you are a virgin, you do NOT have anything sexually transmitted. As 1ke mentioned, some HPV (human papilloma virus) viruses are sexually transmitted, some aren’t. Some carry a risk of cervical cancer, some don’t. In either case, the risk of transmitting anything dangerous to a partner is low. There isn’t the same risk of cancer associated with HPV for men as there is for women.

Do see what kind of HPV you have-- more frequent cervical checks and pap smears may be in order. May God bless you.


#6

Educate yourself thoroughly. The more you know the better you will be able to discuss it with your boyfriend when the time comes. He will most likely have lots of questions about the disease and if you can provide good solid information you may be able to put his mind at ease and difuse any irrational fears he may have. HPV is more common than people think. I don’t think I would hold it against a person…in fact, your boyfriend should be more impressed that you are a virgin.


#7

First off, as others have mentioned, it is not an STD. You did not get it through sexual contact. So the first thing I would do is drop that term from your mind and your conversations. When it comes time to tell your bf, it will go over much better if you do not say you have an STD, lol.

I also agree that you need to further educate yourself about HPV. Stop feeling ashamed and guilty. As long as you do, the HPV controls you. It needs to be the other way around. Take charge of this. Do what you need to do to find out exactly what type it is, how you can manage/treat it, what risks it poses to your health and others etc.


How long have you been dating your bf? Only you will know the right time to tell him but I don’t think you have to do it too soon in a relationship. Once you arm yourself with knowledge you will be ready when it comes up.


good luck


Malia


#8

HPV can be contracted from skin to skin contact (that is why condoms don’t protect a woman from this disease - I just wish the media was more vocal about this b/c it kills more women than AIDS). I know that you are a virgin, and I don’t know your age, but it is more common than you probably think. The other posters are correct in telling you that you MUST get this checked out by a gyn. Cirvical cancer can happen as a result of this virus (yes, it is a virus) if you don’t get this checked out soon. However, my guess is that you have the pre-cancerous cells b/c the test for HPV is extremely expensive and most insurances will not cover the expense. The good news, the doctor can freeze the cells and get rid of them. One of my former students was getting her cells treated at the age of 15. Tell your parents so that you have support b/c my guess is that you will probably not confide this to your friends. Please, do not delay in making your appointment with the dr. This is not just for your health but also for your life. Please, keep us posted on your results and how you are doing.

Peace in Christ,
Gina


#9

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