Love and marriage


I pray to God to direct my life and I am working with God to change things
I would think that my vocation is to be a wife and mother since I love children, I love all things domestic, I love serving, I know how to submit… My feelings are that I want to be married but of course it could be that I should be single or something else even.

but I wonder, I feel like I know how to be a good wife but do I even know what love is?

Since my senior year of high school ten years ago I have had a string of boyfriends (and short term guys who I don’t consider boyfriends)
with each of my boyfriends it was my hope that they were going to marry me and none of them wanted that… I am aware that this has become some kind of emotional addiction, cycle for me. I do not want that and God has been helping me with chastity (but it’s just the beginning for me!)

After all the boyfriends and the emotional dependence am I even fit to be anyone’s wife or mother? is it my whole desire to be a mother wrong? am i just fixated?


That’s a normal and natural desire to want to be married and have children. It’s mainly in our generation where we’ve begun to think otherwise, where people want to be together without commitment, say, and without the possibility of children.

It’d be nice if you could find a good practicing Catholic man who would be more open to the idea of marriage and family. It’s not easy to find the right person.

What’s most important is who you are now.

If it’s God’s will, though, it will happen.


Kitty, it is normal for a girl or woman to desire marriage and children, though there are some to whom this is less appealing.

You wonder if you know what love is.

Some thoughts:
“In love” is not from the Bible, but comes from romantic books, poems, and films. It can be important and yet it is only a beginning.
It actually should be called ‘attraction’ and yes we can be really attracted to someone and think we love them, that we are ‘in love’.
Love is where we work for the true good of the other person in good times and bad.

Often when people say, “I fell out of love” what they mean is the attraction has died, the excitement, the thinking the other person is so special and wonderful which is sometimes part illusion as we all have faults. Part of is is sexual attraction that rather blinds people sometimes…and ‘being in love’ often has a lot of personal selfishness in it though we don’t always see that ourselves.

When people say “I fell out of love” what they are saying is that they never really loved the other person in a real sense. The excitement and attraction died and they are now well aware of the other person’s faults, and sometimes to go to another relationship seeking all the excitement of the often illusory being in love.

You love someone in life, in marriage, if you still care about them even when the excitement fades, and they put on weight or lose their hair or whatever. And if you are willing to still warmly appreciate them as persons, and to work at a happy mutual relationship even then, when initial attraction fades. Sometimes people are blessed with attraction that remains strong, which doesn’t mean that such a relationship doesn’t need effort.

Love is a choice in that every day you/we need to face whatever comes, with compassion, communication, understanding, and faithfulness

May God, at the right time, guide you to find a wonderful, good and faithful spouse.


so sorry for any mental suffering that you have suffered through-sometimes words cannot not express enough-to a degree of sorrow needed, at the moment, for the complexity and meaness-of the male ( i speak as a male);

i am impressed with your post that tells of honesty…

What stood out in your words was (to me) was , “but do I even know what love is?”
Oh, i think you might have a mission in life…
a review of a spiritual motherhood might could answer that question for you…

Look at one the structure of the hail mary-and decide for yourself that it might help you…
consider beginning, middle, end.

the beginning:
“Hail Mary Full of grace…” -to comment- the angel is speaking to say her ‘new’ title,
"Full of Grace…
“The Lord is with Thee…” -to comment-these are the angels words, that echo from an isolated area-, through the melinniums, to now…could you not say that time itself , jumps forward…not as history knows stories that once it happens it is all over, rather the angel-as messenger…We are the never ending ‘music…’,so what we repeat by praying one hail mary is but that wonderful echo of Elizabeth’s greeting, sounding in our hearts…

ok, the middle-
" Blessed be thou art among women…" ; consider, Mary as the ‘new eve.’
“Blessed be the fruit of Thy womb, Jesus…” consider in simple ideas; affirming-in our hearts and soul-as inquiry; indeed, who was the Father of Jesus? you know the answer; and Blessed in both above cases-is a type of heartful praise…

To interject, are you seeing a trend? in the service of Mary? that of example of Motherhood-Divine love, and ( as i conclude-look for a hint of how Divine love and human might ultimately show and find a ‘purpose.’ in life’s quandries)

End-(per this example as presented and in context)
“Holy Mary, Mother of God, Pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death…”

OH! i believe in the depths of my heart that Mother Mary will pray for us…Note the certain way forward- Mary is termed Mother-because She is spiritual mother to all of us…
and see how neatly that word-“now” is how Mother Mary listens to Her spiritual child-She does not delay…(in private prayer-consider lastly, the word, Amen-which -when said in the heart-is also the hearts desire…the time is set, now (not later…then, “Amen” in the secrecy of the heart, or said out loud…“Amen: or your heart’s affirmation of love…” Notice, Jesus said that word, in front of his commands,such as " Amen, Amen…I say unto you…" perhaps-his leadership and authority really began at beginning of creation-
The Hail Mary could end in Amen…drawing in the soul-and gives confidence that a secret of your heart is given to Jesus, King of Heaven!!

Let me attach that the above might offer a peace, when all seems hopeless,prepare for a suprise/ offering a need fullfilled with a spiritual maternal embrace, when there is the feeling of isolation; prepare to ask with your heart’s desire/ Don’t forget to ask mary for graces!! so powerful is even one Hail Mary-that a confessor might include a hail mary in penance…please tell the priest of new found appreciation of Mother Mary.


thank you everyone for your replies. david patrick thank you for your suggestion. i do want to look into spiritual motherhood and definitely increase devotion to mary :slight_smile:


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