Love and passion before marriage?


#1

Hello

I am going to date a Catholic and I am unsure how far to take it with her. I understand that Catholics are not meant to french kiss before marriage? I don’t understand how we can not french kiss before marriage :confused: Because then it is more like friends? :confused:

Should there be no sexual desires or passion before marriage? :confused: I have never dated as a Catholic man dating a Catholic woman before :confused: I have dated many non-Catholics as an agnostic man and I was with a Muslim before :rolleyes:

Any advice, tips or help about marriage? I like women that are hot and I like this Catholic woman very much :blush: so I want to kiss her :blush: I know that sex is wrong because God said and He is my number one, but how can one go from holding hands and no french kissing to marriage? I’ve even hard that people haven’t kissed before marriage :confused: This Catholic woman is not such a good catholic as she says that she would have sex with me before marriage and it’s a bit crazy.

I have to cut out all sexual desires as a Catholic man? I have never had a date like this - there is normally a lot of sexual attraction as well as other stuff and I normally flirted and end up kissing or whatever…

Dyl


#2

[quote="crazydyl, post:1, topic:192452"]
Hello

I am going to date a Catholic and I am unsure how far to take it with her. I understand that Catholics are not meant to french kiss before marriage? I don't understand how we can not french kiss before marriage :confused: Because then it is more like friends? :confused:

Should there be no sexual desires or passion before marriage? :confused: I have never dated as a Catholic man dating a Catholic woman before :confused: I have dated many non-Catholics as an agnostic man and I was with a Muslim before :rolleyes:

Any advice, tips or help about marriage? I like women that are hot and I like this Catholic woman very much so I want to kiss her I know that sex is wrong because God said and He is my number one, but how can one go from holding hands and no french kissing to marriage? I've even hard that people haven't kissed before marriage :confused: This Catholic woman is not such a good catholic as she says that she would have sex with me before marriage and it's a bit crazy.

I have to cut out all sexual desires as a Catholic man? I have never had a date like this - there is normally a lot of sexual attraction as well as other stuff and I normally flirted and end up kissing or whatever...

Dyl

[/quote]

Well i am engaged to a wonderful catholic man and we don't french kiss so does that mean we don't have passion? Heck no. It means we understand that there is more to a relationship then the physical. I know that he loves me for me. We can talk about anything and share so much. We are very comfortable being around each other without the complecation that the physical relationship brings. I can't tell you how much my heart still jumps when he just holds my hand or gives me a little peck.The physical well ....come October we will have lots of time to figure that all out. :D

I don't think you can cut out the sexual desires. As a women i have them. But i respect what God's design for marriage is. I have waited 30 years for this man and i can wait a few more months until we are married.

You don't have to wait until marriage to hold hands etc... just learn what your boundaries are. Set them early and stick to them. Don't put yourself in situations where temptation will over come you. Remember you will always feel bad about going to far but never about being too pure. Keep God at your center!!


#3

"French kissing" is foreplay, it is meant to get the mind and the body aroused and ready for intercourse. When one is not married, it is inappropriate.


#4

If I hadn’t had love and passion for my then boyfriend now husband before we got married, I never would have married! You have to have boundaries but you definitely have to have the attraction and the passion for your intended, absolutely.


#5

You are a guy. I am as well. I'm a 30 year old bachelor, and I date somewhat frequently-no one I would call my "girlfriend"

It's a biological function feel sexual attraction to wards women. It's a normal feeling, and you will never be able to "run away from it". Don't try to repress it-that's not healthy. Suppression is different.

People will disagree with this-
I think you can be a decent person and a decent catholic and not be this rigid. Some Catholics think otherwise, and I totally respect their choice. I'm not going to comment on "how far" to go-I think that's for you to figure out. The "no kissing" rule I find much, much too harsh. I always give a kiss to my female friends when I see them, and none have a problem with it-I will kiss a woman I'm dating.


#6

Imagine a cliff by the ocean.

If you drive up to this cliff you get a most beautiful view! But the drop off the cliff is deadly.

On a clear day, you might be inclined to drive near the cliff and enjoy the view. On a cloudy day, you might want to stay further back. At night, or maybe after a few drinks, you should avoid the area altogether.

The point is, there isn’t a hard and fast line. Of course, you don’t drive your car off the cliff on purpose. But at different times and different settings you may be able to approach the cliff and enjoy the view.


#7

[quote="adv1sor, post:6, topic:192452"]
Imagine a cliff by the ocean.

If you drive up to this cliff you get a most beautiful view! But the drop off the cliff is deadly.

On a clear day, you might be inclined to drive near the cliff and enjoy the view. On a cloudy day, you might want to stay further back. At night, or maybe after a few drinks, you should avoid the area altogether.

The point is, there isn't a hard and fast line. Of course, you don't drive your car off the cliff on purpose. But at different times and different settings you may be able to approach the cliff and enjoy the view.

[/quote]

Very, very interesting metaphor!


#8

[quote="Rascalking, post:7, topic:192452"]
Very, very interesting metaphor!

[/quote]

Thanks. I'd like to take the credit, but I heard it somewhere else myself :)


#9

Kisses are a sign of affection, friendship - heck, in the New Testament, we’d have been kissing each other during Mass :thumbsup:

There is a big difference between a friendly kiss and sticking one’s tougue down someone throat.


#10

LOL! Grossness!

Um-Kage you make a great point…I don’t want anyone sticking anything down my throat.

Although one time I “swallowed” a whole thing of bubble tape (anyone remember that?) on a dare—well–let’s just say don’t take that dare!


#11

Don’t tell anyone, but DH and I dated for nearly 3 years before marriage and… gasp… we French-Kissed :eek: yet managed not to have intercourse. I guess no one told me (or anyone else I know) the no French Kissing rule, yet luckily we made it through unscathed. That was a close one…

But seriously, I think you have to know your own limits. I don’t find French Kissing particularly sexually arousing myself. It’s nice but on it’s own it just doesn’t do much for me sexually. A backrub or shoulder massage is far more arousing for me. Everyone’s different I suppose…:shrug:


#12

[quote="mini_me640, post:11, topic:192452"]
Don't tell anyone, but DH and I dated for nearly 3 years before marriage and.... gasp... we French-Kissed :eek: yet managed not to have intercourse. I guess no one told me (or anyone else I know) the no French Kissing rule, yet luckily we made it through unscathed. That was a close one...

:

[/quote]

THANK YOU!!! It's about time that people realize that French kissing isn't the same as intercourse!

Bravo for you both remaing chaste yet still being able to express your intimacy. Three cheers.

(and don't worry...your secret is safe with me...fair warning though-my dogs know more about me than my confessor!)


#13

I don’t think “French Kissing” is the main problem. My point was that you can have a relationship that doesn’t involve this level of intmacy and still have the passion in your relationship. I have frenched boys who i have dated and each time i dated my boundary got pulled a little tighter because i realized that my level of intmacy was too far. I got to attached to those boys and was with them for the wrong reasons. Like i said before everyone has their boundaries and i learned what mine were. When i learned what true femanity was i learned that i didn’t need the physical intmacy as much as i need the spiritual and mental intmacy.

As i said before there is plenty of time to learn the physical with my partner after we are married. We dated for 10 months and will be engaged for 7 months before getting married. It may seem fast to some but we knew what each other wanted in a mate. We had the same views on what dating was meant for. It is a discernment process to figure out whether this person can be your spouse. Its not time for a test run of the bodily functions. I am a women and he is a man. Getting my physical passions going is not going to be a hard thing. Its also very exicting to think about. Its the gift that is waiting for me on the other side of my committment to him before God, family and friends. I couldn’t ask for anything more. And though my girlfirends think i am crazy because we haven’t been more intimate, i am fine knowing that i have am living my life in the most holy way that i think God is calling me too. You can call me judgmental but your nor no one else’s opnions are going to matter when i stand before God on Judgement day.


#14

No one’s commented on this:

Quote:
“This Catholic woman is not such a good catholic as she says that she would have sex with me before marriage and it’s a bit crazy.”

Dyl, you sound like a good Catholic trying to keep God at your center, and if you want to remain that way while staying within boundaries, dating such a woman will not be smart. This woman you’re interested in probably will not respect the Church’s teaching OR you.

For what it’s worth, the guys I missed out on and think are husband material - never kissed them. More of a passion from the soul. Also, having desire and expressing it physically are two different things.


#15

My husband (then agnostic, now Catholic) and I (annulled cradle Catholic) had a very romantic and intimate (non-sexual) relationship before we married. I told him that he was my very best friend and I was afraid sex would change that. Well, we got engaged, got married in the Church and he converted a few years later. It’s now been 21 years and counting. We’re still best friends and still very much in love.

Save sex for marriage, enjoy the romance before.


#16

The best resource for all these sorts of questions, in my opinion, is chastity.com. They have loads of great resources:

chastity.com/research/audio/video-vault/audiovideo-vault

...and Jason and Crystalina Evert are a phenomenal team. What I love about the way they approach the whole issue of sexuality and chastity is that it's all so positive - they set before you the prize that is worth fighting for.


#17

I love the cliff analogy and think it is right on target.
i also think that you need to know your own boundaries and temptations.
frenchkissing may not be one for some people.
I also think a french kiss is one thing but prolonged frenchkissing accompanied with heavy breathing is a different kind of animal?:eek:


#18

[quote="crazydyl, post:1, topic:192452"]
Hello

I am going to date a Catholic and I am unsure how far to take it with her. I understand that Catholics are not meant to french kiss before marriage? I don't understand how we can not french kiss before marriage :confused: Because then it is more like friends? :confused:

Should there be no sexual desires or passion before marriage? :confused: I have never dated as a Catholic man dating a Catholic woman before :confused: I have dated many non-Catholics as an agnostic man and I was with a Muslim before :rolleyes:

Any advice, tips or help about marriage? I like women that are hot and I like this Catholic woman very much :blush: so I want to kiss her :blush: I know that sex is wrong because God said and He is my number one, but how can one go from holding hands and no french kissing to marriage? I've even hard that people haven't kissed before marriage :confused: This Catholic woman is not such a good catholic as she says that she would have sex with me before marriage and it's a bit crazy.

I have to cut out all sexual desires as a Catholic man? I have never had a date like this - there is normally a lot of sexual attraction as well as other stuff and I normally flirted and end up kissing or whatever...

Dyl

[/quote]

To best understand marriage and intimacy in the catholic tradition, I highly recommend obtaining some of the many materials produced by Christopher West. They are excellent and should be viewed by everyone, especially young teenagers so they get started on the right track and before regrettable mistakes are made.

The book "Good News About Sex and Marriage" is a great start.

I also recommend Christopher West's 8 part series (on CD or DVD) entitled "Created and Redeemed". It is based on Pope John Paul II’s Theology of the Body.

When you fully understand God's plan for marriage, most of your confusion will be resolved.


#19

I too found it interesting that no one commented on this:

Quote:
"This Catholic woman is not such a good catholic as she says that she would have sex with me before marriage and it's a bit crazy."

Let alone the title of the thread.

If you love the person you are dating, then you want what's best for her, and that means getting her to Heaven. It doesn't mean "how much can I get away with?" It means "how do I protect her?"

You also deserve someone who will think that of you, who will be willing to protect your dignity and chastity. You might want to think a little more before dating someone who would not respect you as a child of God, and you might want to think a little more about your own stance on protecting a child of God--the person you are dating.

Some people can french kiss without getting so aroused that they start doing things they shouldn't be doing, and others are aware that french kissing is a powerful thing, and so they choose not to do it so they can keep themselves chaste. I don't know which is right for you, but know what your boundaries are, and as people have said, stick to them.

The question you should be asking yourself, is what do you think love and passion is? Love is not a feeling, love is a choice. Love will stay when the "honeymoon" feeling takes a vacation. Love will want you to do what's right for you and the other person. God IS love, so take your cue from Him.

Passion is not just a sexual or romantic thing either, after all, do we not call Jesus' awesome sacrifice, from the Crowning of Thorns to the Crucifixion, the Passion of Christ? His type of passion was a love so strong, He took on a burden and pain He didn't deserve, because He loved us, because He was passionate for us, and wanted our love.

If you love someone, and as a man, you must be willing to lay down your life for her, as Christ laid down His life for His bride, the church. And a woman must be willing to share in his sacrifice, as the Blessed Virgin did for Christ.

Remember, love can wait to give (marriage), but lust can't wait to take (before marriage).
Take care.

--Grey


#20

:thumbsup:


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