I recently was at dinner with some of dh’s family and dh’s mother asked me how things were going between us when he went outside with his cousin to smoke. All I said was that we are growing apart and living separate lives. Well, yesterday in an argument with him, he let it slip out that his family, his aunt and uncle and cousin were upset with me for talking about him when he was not there. So I decided to email all these members and his mother. His mother emailed me back saying that she heard nothing bad in what I said and that she worried about her son and she loved us. My dh has Parkinson’s and we argue a lot of his driving when he doesn’t take his medications like he is suppose to. He is what the medical community call “noncompliant patient.” Yesterday he took a narcotic that usually knocks him out, and then he wanted to drive and I said he shouldn’t. That is when we argued. Anyway, his cousin emailed me back this response:
*Men MUST have respect. Women NEED love. This is Biblical- in Ephesians 5:22-33, it basically tells us that a woman should feel so loved and cared for, that she trusts her husband completely, so that she can submit to his leadership, knowing that he has her best interest at heart.
(33) "However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband."
This scripture gives a man instruction on how to love his wife, because men are NOT naturally loving or nurturing other than to themselves- but women are, so we don’t need to be told to love. It then has the final statement for women to respect their husbands, because it is not natural for us to respect, but watch a few men together, and that’s what makes them tick!
NOTE: IT DOES NOT SAY WE ONLY RESPECT OUR HUSBANDS WHEN THEY LOVE US, OR THEY CAN LOVE US WHEN WE RESPECT THEM!!! Males and Females are commanded to go out of their natural behavior norms, and just do it, even if the other partner isn’t reciprocating. The end result should be a formerly unloving husband feels his formerly unrespecting wife respects him, he will respond with love, or visa-verce.*
She also said that because my dh is a man "he needs respect to feel loved and loving. He needs respect to feel worthy and loveable. He needs respect to feel like a man. He needs the respect of his wife and daughter to make him feel he IS the head of his household."
I can’t put my finger on it, but this bothers me. It bothers me in that she doesn’t know the whole story of what is going on in this marriage and felt the need to give me this advice, but her theology or interpretation of the Bible verses don’t seem right. I could be wrong and if so I am sure some of you will say so. I am not good at expressing myself in writing, so what do all of you think?
By the way, this woman is not Catholic and from what I gather from the first time I met her is very judgmental. She asked my dh at that time to say a prayer and not one formulated by the Church and when he did, she criticized it and said it sound so Catholic and not from the heart. I could not believe she said that, but he did not correct her. She is also recently divorce and is writing a book on her experience of it.