Its to the point where my wife’s physical need and my disbelief in divorce are the only things keeping us under the same roof. I am not sure where to go from here. Heart breaking.
In the next life don’t get married.
This is why I reject the idea of marriage.
Prayers for you both.
Had you two tried marriage counseling, yet? If she won’t go, would you consider going to individual counseling?
I’ve heard of Retrovaille but can’t speak from personal experience on it.
or a couples retreat of some sort perhaps? praying for you both also
According to Christ, we won’t be getting married in the next life.
Just because someone is having difficulties in a marriage, currently, doesn’t mean the idea of marriage is all bad.
Disclaimer: not married (engaged) and not Catholic.
Do you have kids or jobs with long hours?
Perhaps you should giving Marriage Encounter a try. Obviously I did Engaged Encounter and it had some good stuff.
You’re both in my prayers. Do try to find some help if she’ll agree.
Even if she doesn’t agree, I still think individual counseling would be beneficial.
This is why I reject the idea of marriage.
Why? Because it requires effort in life?
the thing keeping you together is the sacrament of marriage. it’s not any of our problem/will to “keep people together” that’s God’s will.
He can take our life away, give our life, so who are we to ask about “keeping people together?”
I think a lot of people reject marriage, because they’d just rather have sex without any commitments in an attempt to have all the benefits of marriage without any of the responsibilities or commitments.
I was being facetious when said “don’t get married in the next life”. I wasn’t being literal, just acknowledging his opposition to divorce. And marriage is a joke IMO. Look at the divorce rates.
Most people end up marrying people that they come to find are their total opposite. They come to realize that they view the world differently. Communication problems arise.
Men become dissatisfied and emotionally distant. Women feel unloved, neglected, and unappreciated. Adultery occurs. It’s just not worth it. Even the ones that don’t divorce often feel trapped. This is just a personal opinion.
That is why I stress the importance of personality. You need to know the person you’re marrying.
I’m not even sad right now, just annoyed. I am not home at the moment, and part of me doesn’t even want to go home. I am still deciding how to proceed. Despite my shortcomings, I am the only one of us ( between my wife and I ) capable of both living alone and being a single parent. I have my son with me now.
Love should not be selfish, it is sacrificial. Pray for yourself and your wife, as I will pray for you also. You married your wife and made a commitment to both her and God in doing so. Coming from experience, you may just be going through a really difficult time and her too, but that doesn’t mean it will always be this way. Trust in God to help you love your wife and stay committed to the relationship. Retrouvaille may be very beneficial to you, I have gone and it was so for my marriage. Here is a quote I read somewhere, I forgot who wrote it though, “When my marriage is good and I like my wife, my commitment is to my wife. When my marriage is good, but my wife and I aren’t getting along, my commitment is to my marriage. And if my marriage is bad, then my commitment is to my commitment.”
Remember you promised in good times and in bad, nobody on there wedding day ever thinks there is going to be bad, but the divorce rate in the U.S. Is 50%, so yes many marriages have obstacles, but these can be over come.
Remember this bible verse
Ephesians 5:28 So [also] husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. (Ephesians 5:28 NABRE)
My Brother in Christ –
I went and looked at a few of your older threads and I believe I understand your desire to stay somewhat vague. I can tell you I am probably in the same situation in my marriage as you and your wife. My wife grew distant from me about 7- 8 years ago. After much research on my part and it took a while with God’s grace, I started to understand my wife’s behavior.
My wife grew up watching a very bad marriage with her father being verbally and emotionally abusive. My wife will look you in the eye and tell you that her father was great dad, but a horrible husband. I understand her desire to make the two mutually exclusive.
5 years ago my wife told me she loved me but was not “in” love with me. I was devastated. By nature, I am a “fixer” and I went into fix-it mode. After 15+ books, counseling sessions (we went as a couple, she eventually gave up. I went to a different counselor by myself for a brief period) and numerous arguments with my beautiful wife I finally turned to Christ. I finally was able to look at myself and my own behavior. I finally realized I couldn’t “fix” this and just as Jesus Christ waited for me with an open heart I finally figured out I had to do the same for my wife.
I will tell you I am no saint, and some days are a bigger struggle than others. But by regular rosaries, confession and prayer I am able to bear a cross that once seemed unbearable. In spite of my wife’s indifference and lack of communication I know I have to still be a good husband and father and lead by example. I still try to do date nights, some physical touch (at least what she will allow. We have not been intimate in over 4 years), give her cards and flowers and treat her as the queen as she deserves to be. Others (even on this forum) have told me I am being a push over and milquetoast. On the contrary, I love my wife deeply and wish to show her that love, hoping someday, like Christ wishes of us, to return that love and commitment.
You are in my prayers Brother. Know there are others out here that struggle with the same Cross.