[quote=tossolul]A question concerning the love one should feel for your spouse…
If a woman no longer loves her spouse, is she living in sin? She knows that being married to this man is what God wanted for her, or the marraige would not have taken place, but how sinful is it to not be able to find the love (and other respected feelings) in your heart that you should feel towards your spouse?
On one hand it would seem sinful to not fufill your duties as a wife, but on the other hand it would seem sinful to pretend you have feelings for a man that you do not.
One answer is prayer… I know that, I have been doing that and will continue. It’s been over a year now. I can live with not loving him, if it’s just not possible for the two of us to see eye to eye. I can see this as a learning process, and a strengthening of my faith by relying more on God. But I can’t live with myself if I’m sinning in some way.
Any help would be much appreciated…
May I submit to you that love is not just, and not even primarily a feeling? It is an act of will, a decision to desire what is good for the other person. The feelings should then follow. I say “should,” because is know basically nothing about the actual situation.
To answer your question, you do not control your feelings, and feeling a particular way is absolutely not a sin. What you control is your reaction to your feelings, and what you do with them. If a woman no longer has feelings of love towards her spouse, but continues to be married to him (whatever the nuanced meanings of that are), she is definitely not living in sin.
I might also suggest that if you feel like you must pretend you have feelings that you do not actually have, some counseling (either from a professional counselor, from a priest or deacon, or from an older and wiser friend whom you both trust) may be in order. Sooner or later the pretense is going to come to light, and the damage at that point will probably be worse than it would be if the matter were brought out now.
On the other hand, and I realize that I am speaking out of both sides of my mouth here, if there is a lot of other stuff going on at the moment (for example, dealing with a job loss or an older teenager leaving the home) it would probably be better to wait a bit before putting one more issue out on the table.
who is in something like this but should probably not go into details on a public forum
and who will pray a Rosary for you tonight