Hello there, this is the first time Im doing this, because this is the first time that I feel really lost, and that I feel in the need of an answer.
Normally, I can let doubts go, understanding that some things are just beyond our comprehension, but not this time.
Let me first add some context: I am a 17 year old guy, who thinks he is in love of a girl, pretty common situation. I ve been “in love” if this is it, for about 3 years now.
This last year, many thoughts started to make a mess in my mind.
Currently I have been trouble by the following things:
Is God involved in everything? Or is it just coincidence? Is it just the way of life? Or actually all the people that we meet in our life have a purpose, assigned by God?
If so, I have been wondering, why God made me fall in love so deeply with this girl, whats the point? If she is not the girl that I am going to share my life with, why do I feel like this?
Maybe so that I can defeat my fears, face her, and confess, maybe with not positive results, but its indeed an enriching experience. Maybe that’s it. Which I guess I will have to find out, but it does not seem to be like that, what I am feeling Is way more, just to let it go like that.
If she actually, inexplicably reacts positively, meaning that with time a relation could be possible, whats the point anyways? A memory? Something that will last some months, and will just become a memory of “my first love”
See how I am feeling? I feel like I want to spend my life with this girl, because of all the chemicals in my mind right now, I guess, this feeling will really lose strength once I confess, I hope.
See my problem? I believe God is in everything, that everything has a purpose, that nothing is random. I mean, some things of course are, the kids you are going to be at school is kinda random, but the people that are going to be in your class, and have shared more than 10 years with me, I think not.
I don’t know, maybe you can give me your thoughts, from experience, anything will help, thanks.
I don’t think anyone can say for sure who God specifically sent and who He did not. I thank God for everything because everything is only possible through Him.
As for the topic of love, look at it this way— There are several billion people on earth. The majority of them are attracted to the opposite gender. They are in every part of the globe. Millions upon millions of people, and one whom God wants one to spend the rest of one’s life with. the chances of falling in love with one person who actually returns one’s feelings seems practically nil.
And yet people are married every day! People fall in love every day to reciprocated feelings! Most people do it more than once in a lifetime! if you don’t see God in that I don’t know what.
So talk to this girl, tell her how you feel, and don’t worry about it too much. You’re seventeen, and you have plenty of time. You’re worried, oconfused, that even if she does reciprocate your feelings, ‘love’ ( because you can never be sure it’s real love until you have had some more experience) you back, but you’re afraid of her falling short, not being in enough ‘love’ with you to eventually marry you. You’re afraid that you would ‘love’ her more than she would you. You’re afraid that, alternately, your feelings will fade away, and that’s okay.
I am by no means a live in the moment person. Well, I am, but the moment is a future one that I am continually preparing for. But I make an exception for dating. Dating is both about looking for potential marriage partners in high school and it is about learning how to be in a relationship. So this girl ‘loves’ you back, several years down the road you marry and have kids? Great! She ‘loves’ you back and next year you break up? Still great, because there has to be some way to treat a girlfriend better that you learned from the relationship, and you know that this girl is not for you. Your time, as you may fear, will not be wasted on all the relationships that did not lead to marriage.
My religon teacher ( a sister) had a boyfriend in college. He was not Catholic, she was. She helped to convert him (and promptly broke up with him to become a religious) and he is married with a child now. Was that relationship useful in that it lead to marriage? No. But if he had not had the relationship he would have not become a Catholic or arguably met his currant-wife, also a Catholic.
I don’t think anything happens by accident, personally, but even that being said doesn’t necessarily mean anyone who we feel attracted towards, however intensely it may be is going to be the best spouse for us.
What you think is “love” may also be attraction, or at least part of it. Love is not the same as attraction. Love is what happens when all the attraction you feel, that you may think is “love” is all gone, that you will stay with that person for richer and poorer, sickness or health, good times and bad, till death do you part. It’s sticking by the person, uncondtionally.
It’s nice to feel attraction, but it will NOT last a lifetime. Some people confuse love with attraction. I think it’s common. I’ve done it, myself, many times. They are 2 very different things. Attraction will come and go. Love, if it’s love, will last, endure.
If she’s not right for you, to strengthen you. You must resist your very strong urge to go with her, overcome this, to pursue what is right, true, and holy. You must choose between her and God. You are to always choose what’s good first…choose God, but this will sometimes be VERY difficult to put into practice. I can assure you!
Well, nothing is random. Correct. However, we choose. Our choices make us who we are. If we choose to go with somebody who we feel strongly attracted to, only because of that feeling of attraction, that won’t last.
Attraction can be a good thing, but we will probably need to weed through a lot of people before we find the right fit for us…somebody who shares our values…religion…beliefs…who has enough in common. The process can be quick or take even years.
It’s early for you now, at age 17 y.o., because you are still too young to get involved very seriously. Well, it’s just that when you get involved seriously, it will lead directly to…marriage, say, and you aren’t set up for that. It’s best to focus on developing a strong friendship now, but that’s not what most 17. y.o. males, or females, typically will want to do! Often, these will need to learn remakable self restraint, self control. discipline.
We are to abstain in the meantime. If you can manage to do this. One day, when you finally do find your true love,…your wife, when you experience this, it will be even stronger, more intense, unique to you both. All the time you have spent longing and pining for each other will finally come together. It will make it all the more special…even the trials you went to…wrong turns you both took before you find each other, mistakes, will make it all the sweeter, in the final analysis.
Oh, and yes, when you finally do marry, Christ told us that who we marry is determined by God, just so you know, and for nobody else to interfere with what God has put together.
[quote=ClearWater;11522722 It’s early for you now, at age 17 y.o., because you are still too young to get involved very seriously. Well, it’s just that when you get involved seriously, it will lead directly to…marriage, say, and you aren’t set up for that. It’s best to focus on developing a strong friendship now, but that’s not what most 17. y.o. males, or females, typically will want to do! Often, these will need to learn remakable self restraint, self control. discipline.
Im new with this, not sure how to quote properly
I agree with you, what I am feeling is probably just attraction, and I have to overcome it, but you I want to remark this paragraph of yours.
“Thats not what most 17 y.o males or females typically will want to do!”
What they will typically want to do is LUST. Sex, flesh desire and pleasure.
I dont want that, I understand we are not made for that, that there is something much more pure and deep than that, and thats what I want with this girl. I am afraid he does not understand that, or no ones these days does, not until I get older, the young society these days is so lost, you wont believe, these times are so hard…
I read your post about being a 17 y.o. male and thought, “My gosh!” lol Well, we know it’s challenging, to say the least. In your times, it’s even worse than in mine! Well, movies are more and more suggestive, provocative. Peer pressure is stronger. Everybody seems to be doing this. It’s acceptable by society, even “normal”…so people say.
In fact, if you wait, they will try to make you out as crazy or abnormal, weird!
Well, it’s good you are striving to be pure and holy. Very few, men or women, are doing this, least of all today. You are really going against the current there. These times ARE very difficult! You’re absolutely right!
Well, in olden times, they made it easier on everybody, had fewer things coed. When things were mixed company, they even relied on chaperones! Now, you’ll probably laugh at that, but then again, they didn’t have the high teen pregnancy rate like now. Even with all these precautions in place, there were still problems, but not as many and not to the degree there are nowadays.
Anyway, is she of your same faith?
I wish you luck. I don’t envy anybody trying to grow up in these very modern times! How do you all do it?!
I can’t say I am sure about God being a “matchmaker” but who knows? I know how you feel, or I think I know, I am still in that situation after 38 years, and it will never change. But tell jer what you feel, I did it, and she was very understanding and we where great friends, still are I reckon. Talking is the key-word here. Talk to her. Who knows what will happen.