This is my first time writing and first time going through this forum
I am deeply troubled. My husband and I have 6 kids in total 2 are his 1 mine and 3 ours and have been married for 7 years now. In 2006 I caught my husband on the phone with a woman in which he told her he wished things were different if she didn’t have a boyfreind and he wasn’t married and such. The phone call was disconnected so I could not hear what else was said to my knowledege that’s all that was said and it was an old girlfriend supposedly. I asked him to leave but he did not we argured and decided to go to retrouvialle which was a month later. I became pregnant becuase of our makeup loving. I was going to tell him during our weekend at retrouville but had a miscarriage in which I did tell about I was deeply sadded and hurt. We agreed we both wanted one more baby so we continued to try things we going good we contiuned using our tools and dialogued everyday. July
of the same year I found this womans (same as before) number on a post it on his desk. So I called the number and yes it was her. He denied that he was calling her but the cell phone showed dialed and received calls. Again we argued after everything we had been through in Feb and now it was happening again he didn’t leave again when I asked him to… Again we made up and he promised and called her in front of me and supposeldy left a message saying not to call him anymore and he wanted nothing to do with her. I again became pregnant and lost it at about 6 weeks again. I think the two miscarriages were due to overwork at work and over stress at home. Anyway this time he took it harder and again insisted we try again . This time all was better but I did not worry about what he was doing and he did much better at being home for fear of over stressing me . My son was born last July and we haven’t dialougred or even communicated like a married couple should since he was conceived. I have tried to express my feelings of unhappiness and me not trusing him still but he does not seem to think it is an issue. I wrote him a love letter on Valentines Day expressing my true feelings of being alone in my marriage and how I did not want to live in a loveless and affectionaless marriage but he has told me that he hasn’t had a chance to read it. After many months of confessing to the priest my unhappiness and mistrust for my husband I have prayed and asked God for guidance but nothing seems to work. Finally a priest told me to leave him since I did not trust him and we were not living in a sacramental marriage anyways. I thought the church was against divorce??? Anyway I finally exploded on Sunday and haven’t spoken to him since. I am alone and tired of dealing with our kids and work while he gets up to go to the gym at 4 am and returns at 7am and goes to work until about 5 or 6pm and doesn’t help at all around the house but expects me to help him with his homework in which he goes to night school on Wednesdays and I sometimes smell perfume on him but do not confront about this. He is a 18 year recovering alcholic and goes to meetings on Fridays from 7 to about 11 pm in which they go out for Coffee and sometimes he goes to hang out at work until about 2am?! What am I suppose to think or do if every avenue is pointing to his unhappiness with me and his regrets to not being able to run around without being questioned. I am fed up and am ready to leave but am afraid of the outcome. I just want him to love me and treat me like his wife like I tell I just want you to let me love you like my husband. We have a sacramental marriage so I know this is for life but is it fair for him to neglect and push me away?
Please give me answers or guidance I don’t understand what God wants me do.