Lust before and after marriage?


Is lust during married life more serious than before it?


If you mean deliberately entertaining sexual thoughts of someone other than your spouse, then yes this is more serious than doing the same before marriage (though both are grave matter). If married, it becomes a form of adultery - though a brief fantasy is obviously a less serious expression of adultery than actually having intercourse with another person.


If you are lusting after your wife it could be worse because you are injuring the bond of the Holy Sacrament of Matrimony.


‘As for those [wives] who radiate the beauty of the soul, the longer time goes by and tests their proper nobility, the warmer they make their husband’s love and the more they strengthen their affection for him. Since this is so, and since a warm and genuine friendship holds between them, every kind of immorality is driven out. Not even any thought of wantonness ever enters the mind of the man who truly loves his own wife, but he continues always content with her. By his chastity he attracts the good will and protection of God for his whole household. This is how the good men of ancient times used to take wives, seeking nobility of soul rather than monetary wealth.’

St. John Chrysostom


How? I don’t understand.



I think that poster was referring to lust as what it really is, reducing someone to an object, a tool, wanting to use them to fulfill your wants.

If you are thinking of just sexually desiring your spouse, that’s good and encouraged, as long as you are desiring their whole person. That’s not lust.


I think I know what your getting at, but consider: the church says it is ok to use to have sex if your marriage is recognized. It is ok to use the rhythm method, am I wrong? There is still very much the possibility of conception.

Sadly, we do not come with a switch that turns attraction off. * So it stands to reason that being attracted to your wife, and wanting to “know” her is just being a normal human being. I think it is healthy.

Now if your tastes run into something out of a trashy novel… I think you get my drift.

Desire was built into us. We are adult human beings. We have it in our capacity to control ourselves, at least with most normal people. Adult relations between a married couple is a beautiful thing. Marital relations is not a dirty thing inside the sacrament of marriage.

Those who give into every carnal urge are the ones who have a problem. This is one of the reasons contraception is off limits. Love and it’s various forms of expression, are not.*


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