lustful thoughts

im 32 years old female virgin. i always wanted to get to married i dont feel its the plan of God cos love has always been one sided for me (unrequited). ive always been wanting to go on mission to evagelize whether married or single. three weeks back i felt god was calling me to give my life for mission as a single virgin things were going well and easter vigil was amazing. its been three days ive been battling with my thoughts and feeling was unable to find peace even after praying… today i finally gave in by watching sex scenes from movies… i dont feel good at the moment

If It is right for you to be married, I ask the Lord to lead you and that person together.
I know several people who were even in their 40s and finally found that special person they knew was for them.
Whatever is right for you, may God enlighten and bless you with that path

Grant me Your Spirit

Holy Spirit, I need wisdom, discernment and unconditional love. Will You share Yours with me? Help me to persevere in these necessary virtues, even where there is wounding within me greater than anyone is aware.

Help me to carry my daily responsibilities with faith and hope, and mindful of Your command to love God above all and others as self, in Sacramental worship and with practical acts of kindness.

Help me to find healing for injuries and scars that prevent me from fully becoming the person I am created to be. Come into my mind and soul, and help me through the rest of my life.

I need You, Holy Spirit. Please access the gifts and beauty of my unique creation in God’s image. For others’ benefit and for Your glory, give me a deep appreciation and use of the goodness, loveliness joy and blessing of this creation that You mean me to be.

In my weakness You are strength

Jesus, thank You for those who see my faults or misunderstand my motives and who thus reveal my need for conversion and healing. I repent my unworthiness, and ask that You offer me as gift to God in each broken moment restored.

Gather up my lost moments, Jesus! Cleanse and shape them with my sorrow merged with Your sacrifice. Burnish and set them with Your forgiveness, and illuminate them with Your love as treasures of witness, intercession, and atonement! Thus, make my flawed life into a gem of praise, service and delight for You in the Communion of Saints.

Praise to You, Jesus, who make treasure out of ordinary and fallen human beings!

“I live in a high and holy place, but I am also with the contrite and humbled spirit, to give the humble new life…I will heal and console him.” says the Lord God.” [Isaiah 57:15, 18]

“Pray for a strong spirit, the Spirit of God. And thank God often for yourself, for His gift to you.” Priest in Confession, Divine Mercy Sunday

“Have mercy on me, O God in Your goodness,
in Your great tenderness, wipe away my faults;
wash me clean of my guilt,
purify me from my sin.

For I am well aware of my faults,
I have my sin constantly in mind,
having sinned against none other than You,
having done what You regard as wrong.

You are just when You pass sentence on me,
blameless when You give judgement.
You know I was born guilty,
a sinner from the moment of conception.

Yet since You love sincerity of heart,
teach me the secrets of wisdom.
Purify me with hyssop until I am clean;
wash me until I am whiter than snow.

Instil some joy and gladness into me,
let the bones You have rushed rejoice again.
Hide Your face from me sins,
wipe out all my guilt.

Be my saviour again, renew my joy,
keep my spirit steady and willing;
and I shall teach transgressors the way to You,
and sinners will return.

Save me from death, God my saviour,
and my tongue will acclaim Your righteousness;
Lord, open my lips,
and my mouth will speak out Your praise.

Sacrifice gives You no pleasure,
were I to offer holocaust, You would not have it.
My sacrifice is this broken spirit,
You will not scorn this crushed and broken heart.” (Psalm 51)

Make an act of contrition -seeking to do so out of love of God and go to confession as soon as you can. Know that Jesus is the Good Shepherd and he loves you and wants to restore to you true life in him.

As for unwanted thoughts that accost one in the future:

All sorts of thoughts can happen to us out of the blue…

The fact that a though happened to one- does not mean per se there was any sin.

And for mortal sin one needs not only grave matter, but full knowledge and deliberate (complete) consent…

And they might keep tempting one - and keep returning - but their persistence or attraction does not mean one has sinned. (And for mortal sin one needs to give complete consent.).


Now…

For the next few moments --try real hard NOT to think of an Apple.

then scroll down.

What did you think of?

An apple.

Even though your will was against it -you did not want to think of an apple.

Now back to unwanted thoughts…

The best thing to do with such thoughts is not to fight them directly --not fear that they will come…do not consent and simply and calmly turn to something else…(or it may be best to keep doing the good thing one is doing…like they come out of the blue when your at work …keep working …etc)

Ignore such unwanted thoughts like one would ignore a hissing goose or a barking dog. One does not stop to argue with a hissing goose or a barking dog does one? No one keeps on walking…and at most laughs at them…

(as noted above the image there comes from a Carthusian Monk from centuries ago…)

Praying to the Holy Spirit to give you guidance, direction, strength & fortitude.

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