Mad at my brother


About a month ago my brother (26) and I (31) got into an argument about The Golden Compass. He recieved an e-mail from my aunt that warned people about the movie and about Phillip Pullman’s atheism. He started complaining about the e-mail to me because he thought it was just a harmless book. I stuck up for my aunt and told him about some of the things that Pullman has said and how he was not just an atheist but anti-religion and anti-Catholic. In the midst of his arguing he called my views “stupid”, and then insulted me further by calling me a “holy roller” and a “retard”.

I really don’t have much to say to him and frankly don’t want to be around him. Is it possible to forgive him and also not want to be around him or talk to him?


First of all, thats completely out of line to call people names.

The next time you talk to him, I would simply say that you expect an apology for being treated so rudely, and if he doesnt give it, then I would tell him that you will be waiting until he does. Its completely disrespectful no matter what the subject matter was.



When mature people debate, the disagreement cannot overshadow respect for the other. Perhaps you could agree to both do research on your points of view and then discuss like grown ups (to resort to name calling shows that there may be a lack of maturity in this relationship?)


You can forgive him and not hold a grudge, but nothing says you have to volunteer for more abuse. So yes, you can both forgive him AND avoid his unpleasant company.


Now, let me get this straight. You are 31 and he is 26. Years old. And he called you a “retard.”

Are you sure we aren’t dealing with a fourth grader?

Forgive him and hope he grows up. Put up with him if he behaves himself. If you want to do so However, if you have children, don’t let them be around this kind of behavior. No, I didn’t say don’t let them be around him – before someone jumps on me – I said that kind of behavior. If he is there, be vigilant and remove them if he gets goofy.

'cause that’s just goofy . . .


“What I say to you is: everyone who grows angry with his brother shall be liable to judgment; any man who uses abusive language toward his brother shall be answerable to the Sanhedrin, and if he holds him in contempt, risks the fires of Gehenna.” Matthew 5:22

“If anyone says, ‘My love is fixed on God,’ yet hates his brother, he is a liar. One who has no love for the brother he has seen cannot love the God he has not seen.” - John 4:20

Do not use either of the aformentioned verses against your brother. Instead, apply them both to your own attitude towards him. As the older brother, you need to set the example, so you then may help God win your brother back over to the Truth.

As for the issue itself, granted, I am rather out of touch with secular society, but I can’t help but notice that The Golden Compass is getting a whole lot of publicity as a result of Catholics objecting to it, as did The Davinci Code. Meanwhile, it was the Jewish community that was largely helpful in giving publicity to The Passion of the Christ.


**I have to ask… were you completely 100% respectful towards him either before or after his name calling? If you weren’t then you should apologize. Once you do then he may too. You guys are brothers. Unless you hate each other please don’t let a stupid immature argument destroy your relationship.

But it is not wrong for you to demand respect and avoid contact if he refuses to give it.



Oh, shoot…of course you can forgive him. I’m 51 and my brother is 46 and when he is one I call him a doofus…and when I am one he calls me a dork.

Should we be more mature? Of course. Big deal. He’s my brother and I love him even if he is a doofus.

Life is too short, says the dork, and if this is a big deal then wait until you guys are not debating anything and just tell him, “When you call me names it really hurts my feelings. If you ever do it again I am going to bop you on the head and tell Mom”.

It worked for me. And the doofus.


Very interesting. My mother called me an idiot for objecting to her taking my children to go see this movie.
I have decided to just pass it off as my mother not having her own moral compass pointed towards Christ and expecting to have the world follow in her holier than thou footsteps just because she said so… it’s the norm for her.


I am going to agree with IrishAm on this one. Let me guess, before you parted ways one of you said “I am rubber you are glue, whatever you say bounces off me and sticks to you.”

Seriously, you both are entitled to your opinion and in voicing that opinion in a disgreement that does not open the door for name calling and personal attacks. Now, I am not sure what your side of the “discussion” was and if you threw out attacks at him also, but you both are adults, just settle the little arguement and agree to disagree.

Life is too short.


:smiley: I know. Other than being immature about our disagreement, I have to wonder why he’s so upset about 1) my opinion and 2) my religiosity. None of those threaten him in any way shape or form.

As far as forgiving him…I have no choice but to forgive him. But is the act of avoiding him the same as not forgiving him?


We are commanded to let our light shine before men, that they may see our good works and glorify our Father in Heaven. If you avoid your brother, who will be the light to him?


Forgive him and move on. I have to walk on eggshells around my sister so she doesn’t get mad over something stupid, but it’s worth it to keep in contact.


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