Making peace with having enemies (the story of a stay-at-home wife)


#1

This woman speaks of how she is a sign of offense to others because she is a housewife with a number of children. At the beginning of this account she first traces her change from her politically-correct lightweight religion, a person without enemies, to the life she came to live after becoming a Catholic. Now people now speak against her to her face because of her homelife with her children. This, she is convinced, profits her soul
abigails-alcove.blogspot.com/2010/08/making-peace-with-having-enemies.html


#2

[quote="mdgspencer, post:1, topic:221976"]
This woman speaks of how she is a sign of offense to others because she is a housewife with a number of children. At the beginning of this account she first traces her change from her politically-correct lightweight religion, a person without enemies, to the life she came to live after becoming a Catholic. Now people now speak against her to her face because of her homelife with her children. This, she is convinced, profits her soul
abigails-alcove.blogspot.com/2010/08/making-peace-with-having-enemies.html

[/quote]

It's great to see that she truly found Christ in His Church but it's unfortunate that she's made enemies because of it (even though our Lord told us to expect it)

Even though I'm still in high school, by practicing any sort of piety whatsoever, I can tell that some people are largely put off by it (even though it's a Catholic school and I have my right to free speech :rolleyes:) and would rather I shut up and conform to their ways. I can't help but feel like I speak with demons every day. Not in the sense that the people I talk to are demons, but rather that Satan and his minions whisper horrible things into their mind and try to discourage the faithful.


#3

I'm sure that will be me in just a few years! My husband and I want to have many children, and space them close together. It's terrible to think that some people basically consider it a crime against humanity to want a large, faithful family. Even with baby #1 on the way we're hearing comments like "You should have bought a better house before having kids," "was it planned?!," and "you should have waited a few years." It gets old.


#4

It's not a crime against humanity to have a large family with faith at its center. It's a crime against secular humanISM.


#5

The Lord tells us all: "in this world you will have troubles, but I have overcome the world"

also: "You will be persecuted"

also: "there are wolves in sheeps clothing" out there..

I do think, as a woman speaking, one of Satan's ways is to make a woman who is a mom and stays home and doesn't "work" without earning an income, AND is dependent upon her husband for financial security, that she is less than. The world tells this woman she is a fool. She should be making her own way, like THEY have, not dependent on anyone. That she is well, weak, unstable, etc.

DO NOT believe these lies friends. These comments are utterances from the mouths of fools. Nothing more. Misery loves company you know.


#6

[quote="Corinne3, post:5, topic:221976"]
The Lord tells us all: "in this world you will have troubles, but I have overcome the world"

also: "You will be persecuted"

also: "there are wolves in sheeps clothing" out there..

I do think, as a woman speaking, one of Satan's ways is to make a woman who is a mom and stays home and doesn't "work" without earning an income, AND is dependent upon her husband for financial security, that she is less than. The world tells this woman she is a fool. She should be making her own way, like THEY have, not dependent on anyone. That she is well, weak, unstable, etc.

DO NOT believe these lies friends. These comments are utterances from the mouths of fools. Nothing more. Misery loves company you know.

[/quote]

Nice. Calling working moms fools... Chip, meet shoulder... :rolleyes:

IMHO - both sets (SAHM's & WOHM's) have issues these days. It sounds like SOME SAHM's feel, as you put it, "less than." And *SOME * WOHM's feel guilty about not spending the day with their kids.

I think it's easy to ignore others' opinions about me - so I'd never let that dictate my self-esteem. However, the guilt of a WOHM is much different - especially if you have no choice but to work outside of the home. Oh, and by the way, WOHM's work both outside and inside of the home...


#7

I am sure this is going to be unpopular, but...

Do you think that maybe we on this forum sometimes thrive on claiming victim status? Whatever the topic....homeschooling, breastfeeding, large families, small families, infertility, natural child birth,SAHM, SAHD, heck, just being Catholic....it seems we are often over-sensitive and look for ways in which we are persecuted for our beliefs/choices.


#8

She didn't call working moms fools. She said 'people who make these comments' are fools. She never said one thing to put down working moms, only sympathy for the difficulties SAHM's face.

You're reading things that aren't there.

Everyone who truly follows Jesus will be persecuted.


#9

When I was hugely PG with my twins... NOT ONE PERSON tried to touch my belly. My sister says that I have a sign on my forehead. It's apparently a rather RUDE sign... so I won't repeat it.

However, It occurs to me I wear this sign all the time. Don't get me wrong. I'm a nice person. I am well liked... I'm otherwise quite approachable.

But I never hear of or from my enemies... LOL... I think they are afraid of me! Maybe they are afraid I'll splash them with holy water. I've never had someone say something about my SAHM status. Hmmm...

I'd invite you all to my bubble. I just don't know where the entrance is...


#10

[quote="Rico_S, post:7, topic:221976"]
I am sure this is going to be unpopular, but...

Do you think that maybe we on this forum sometimes thrive on claiming victim status? Whatever the topic....homeschooling, breastfeeding, large families, small families, infertility, natural child birth,SAHM, SAHD, heck, just being Catholic....it seems we are often over-sensitive and look for ways in which we are persecuted for our beliefs/choices.

[/quote]

I don't think so. I do think people are very quick to jump to an assumption or conclusion way to easily, both here and in the real world, without any empathy or realizing that they have never been in a situation and can not judge someone else's experience.

I think the woman in this situation in the OP is experiencing what many of us experience when our lifestyles suddenly become a contrast to the context that people in our past first met us or knew us. I think if she had been a cradle Catholic or it had been years and years since she converted and had an established a Catholic support system, she would feel like there are not so many enemies. I felt similar as she did when I no longer wanted to be the person I was in college, and explore the Catholic faith at a deeper level I never had before. The places I had frequented and the people I knew were not as accepting as I hoped, but I went on to make some great, great friendships with people that approached the Catholic faith like I wanted to. It was a lonely, but very profound period in my life. I think many experience hostility when one no longer wants to be the person they were before they fully embrace their Catholic values and faith. I don't think its necessarily a bad thing. Its necessary for growth.


#11

[quote="Rico_S, post:7, topic:221976"]
I am sure this is going to be unpopular, but...

Do you think that maybe we on this forum sometimes thrive on claiming victim status? Whatever the topic....homeschooling, breastfeeding, large families, small families, infertility, natural child birth,SAHM, SAHD, heck, just being Catholic....it seems we are often over-sensitive and look for ways in which we are persecuted for our beliefs/choices.

[/quote]

ALL Christians are and will be persecuted for our faith. This world is not ours, we are destined for another world. Satan owns this one and he hates us when we are praying, worshiping, and serving God.


#12

[quote="bytheriver, post:8, topic:221976"]
She didn't call working moms fools. She said 'people who make these comments' are fools. She never said one thing to put down working moms, only sympathy for the difficulties SAHM's face.

You're reading things that aren't there.

Everyone who truly follows Jesus will be persecuted.

[/quote]

Thank you for clarifying this! This is exactly what I meant!

:)


#13

I so get this woman. As a mother of four in my mid-twenties, I was pressured to get my tubes tied by my entire family. We were all Protestant, so it didn't seem like that big of a deal, although I did have a niggling feeling in the back of my mind that this may not be the right thing to do. I loved having babies, I loved staying home, etc. But my whole entire family (including in-laws) were simply relentless. So I had it done.
Within a few years, I realized I had made a terrible mistake; but my tubal ligation was truly "unfixable".
In 2006 we converted to Catholicism, and I know that that little niggling discomfort was the Holy Spirit trying to get my attention. If only I had listened, we could have had a lot more children! I really regret it (most of my friends went on to have 5, 6, or more children and I have been so jealous!).
However, I have been forgiven and I try to make up for it by encouraging our children to practice natural family planning (three of them do!) and enjoying my increasing number of grandchildren (two more due in 2011!!!). We are encouraging our children to have large families, and I think they so enjoyed being part of a larger family that they all seem to want large families. I love it!
So all is not lost, but I just wish we'd bucked the tide and had a larger family.


#14

Interesting blog. I'd like to read it again.


#15

Interesting perspectives... mine are a little different...

I work full time... don't want to at all, but I sacrifice because my husband and I have decided that we want to send our children to a good and holy Catholic school. It costs money, therefore I work.
I, contrary to many here, get persecuted by MANY of my non-Catholic friends (aw heck, Catholic ones too that insist I should stay home and homeschool because that's the only way to ensure complete control over what our children are learning) that I'm a waste. I'm weak because I don't stand up to my daily-mass-attending-husband and insist that I stay home with our children. What kind of mother would allow herself to go on for years in a stressful job when she should be staying home and properly mothering her children? I hear this from BOTH non-Catholic and Catholics alike.
So while I do understand you are feeling persecuted by those who think SAH is "lesser"... it's not the only path that is persecuted. I think *anyone *who sacrifices for their family for the faith is going to suffer.

I could go on... but then I'd just be fulfilling Rico S's thoughts... I don't need to play the martyr.
I KNOW this is where God wants me and my family to be. I pray daily that he opens the right doors for us to follow His will. It's not an easy path... and I get sympathy from no one.


#16

[quote="Em_in_FL, post:15, topic:221976"]
Interesting perspectives... mine are a little different...

I work full time... don't want to at all, but I sacrifice because my husband and I have decided that we want to send our children to a good and holy Catholic school. It costs money, therefore I work.
I, contrary to many here, get persecuted by MANY of my non-Catholic friends (aw heck, Catholic ones too that insist I should stay home and homeschool because that's the only way to ensure complete control over what our children are learning) that I'm a waste. I'm weak because I don't stand up to my daily-mass-attending-husband and insist that I stay home with our children. What kind of mother would allow herself to go on for years in a stressful job when she should be staying home and properly mothering her children? I hear this from BOTH non-Catholic and Catholics alike.
So while I do understand you are feeling persecuted by those who think SAH is "lesser"... it's not the only path that is persecuted. I think *anyone *who sacrifices for their family for the faith is going to suffer.

I could go on... but then I'd just be fulfilling Rico S's thoughts... I don't need to play the martyr.
I KNOW this is where God wants me and my family to be. I pray daily that he opens the right doors for us to follow His will. It's not an easy path... and I get sympathy from no one.

[/quote]

I felt the same pressure from the "organic earth mom hippies" (of which I was one). If I was a REAL mom, I would homeschool, refuse vaccinations, etc. I guess I gradually grew out of that phase into the next phase, which was, "If I have to homeschool all these kids, I'll kill them AND myself." A bit tongue in cheek, but you get the gist. I went back to teaching when our youngest was in second grade. I actually had the privilege of teaching in my children's private elementary/middle school years. But I still had a satisfying and lucrative career. I basically had the best of both worlds.
I think that moms who work when their kids are in school are perfectly justified in doing so. As a teacher, I have seen the products of many a pitifully home-schooled child. And some who were great. In my experience it is totally worth it putting your kids in Catholic schools and going to work. At some point parents have to cut the umbilical cord.


#17

[quote="Musician, post:16, topic:221976"]
I felt the same pressure from the "organic earth mom hippies" (of which I was one). If I was a REAL mom, I would homeschool, refuse vaccinations, etc. I guess I gradually grew out of that phase into the next phase, which was, "If I have to homeschool all these kids, I'll kill them AND myself." A bit tongue in cheek, but you get the gist. I went back to teaching when our youngest was in second grade. I actually had the privilege of teaching in my children's private elementary/middle school years. But I still had a satisfying and lucrative career. I basically had the best of both worlds.
I think that moms who work when their kids are in school are perfectly justified in doing so. As a teacher, I have seen the products of many a pitifully home-schooled child. And some who were great. In my experience it is totally worth it putting your kids in Catholic schools and going to work. At some point parents have to cut the umbilical cord.

[/quote]

Well I certainly don't want to make this a debate on schooling choices by any means...

My point was that this idea of suffering isn't *unique *to SAH... we all try to follow Christ in our own unique ways. The world objects to following Christ and sacrificing for the good of others... no matter which path we choose.


#18

[quote="Em_in_FL, post:15, topic:221976"]
Interesting perspectives... mine are a little different...

I work full time... don't want to at all, but I sacrifice because my husband and I have decided that we want to send our children to a good and holy Catholic school. It costs money, therefore I work.
I, contrary to many here, get persecuted by MANY of my non-Catholic friends (aw heck, Catholic ones too that insist I should stay home and homeschool because that's the only way to ensure complete control over what our children are learning) that I'm a waste. I'm weak because I don't stand up to my daily-mass-attending-husband and insist that I stay home with our children. What kind of mother would allow herself to go on for years in a stressful job when she should be staying home and properly mothering her children? I hear this from BOTH non-Catholic and Catholics alike.
So while I do understand you are feeling persecuted by those who think SAH is "lesser"... it's not the only path that is persecuted. I think *anyone *who sacrifices for their family for the faith is going to suffer.

I could go on... but then I'd just be fulfilling Rico S's thoughts... I don't need to play the martyr.
I KNOW this is where God wants me and my family to be. I pray daily that he opens the right doors for us to follow His will. It's not an easy path... and I get sympathy from no one.

[/quote]

:hug1: awwww Em.... you get sympathy from me! and empathy too.:aok::flowers:


#19

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