Making your spouse confident they're your one and only


Looking for tips and suggestions on how you make your spouse feel special and confident that they are your first, last, best, and only love.

Thanks in advance,


For me, nothing says it more than the eyes. The look of “I’m only focused on you”. Hugs/kisses when he gets home. Going out of your way to kiss him good bye when ever you part. Especially, publicly. And schedule “us only” time is good, too.


From my years of experience, confidence comes from within. If a person lacks self confidence, it is difficult for them to be confident and secure in a relationship. Romance is fleeting, doing romantic things are nice, but, the strong core foundation needs to be the Sacrament of your marriage.

You can be a strong Catholic wife, pray for your husband, let him see you living out your Faith with joy.

Read and pray Proverbs 31.


The other posters have really good advice, but I’d like to share a little thing that I’ve been trying to do each day. I compliment my husband on something he’s done, how he looks or something else.

Also, once in a while I send him a text message or a pix message while he’s at work that says something like “Thanks for working so hard for our family. You’re a great husband!”

Lastly, I am desperately trying to listen attentively to him. This is easy when the topic is something like “where shall we go on vacation?” It is infinitely more difficult when the topic of the day is work related, such as, “The new Merrill Lynch Rule has been struck down and it’s practical applications for dual registrants.” This topic was the first thing he wanted to talk about when I awoke from a 5 hour surgery last year. :wink: Then, I had an excuse to look tired and disinterested, but usually I just need to pay attention, ask relevant questions and congratulate him on a job well done.


Good advice. It is hard to listen sometimes because my husband is such the typical sports fan and I’m such a girly girl. I get lost in his explanations of March Madness and what the teams need to do and which seed is what or blah blah blah…lol. I do need to focus more. Thanks for saying that because it just reminded me to make that more of a priority! I sometimes ask relevant questions truly trying to understand the issues but sometimes I just am not interested…but I know he likes to share what’s on his mind as I do, so I need to listen better! :thumbsup:


I agree… listening is number one. And I mean listening with your whole body, not with one ear while cooking dinner, watching TV, reading a book, or refereeing the kids! :blush: (guilty!)

Second is opening up to them about stuff you don’t talk about to other people. How special is it when you share stuff that everyone else from your mother on down to your manicurist has already heard first? :shrug: (guilty again!) Save some of “yourself” for your spouse only!

Compliment him/her IN FRONT OF OTHERS. It’s usually easier (and the norm) to make disparaging comments about your spouse (even “jest joking, folks” comments) in their presence to other people :o (guilty again…beyond all reasonable doubt!) But try saying something really nice about them in front of others. Brag a little. Watch your spouse’s reaction–probably startled or puzzled at first :confused: , then blushing :blushing: , then positively glowing :smiley: . It boosts their confidence and lets them know how special you think they are (they probably only hear you brag about the kids to other people, right? Because you have the greatest kids in the entire universe, right? So if you start bragging about your spouse, it must mean… oh, come on, you get the drift!)

All of this has a rebound effect, too. Oh, yeah. The first time I thanked my DH for taking out the trash, cleaning the litter box (now that’s true love, my friends–the cats are mine and he’s NOT a cat person! :yup: ), and filling my gas tank, he looked at me like, “Okay, what’s the catch?” Then it became a habit to look at all the good stuff he does (and he does a lot!) and overlook the trivial stuff (yes, the toilet seat up IS trivial, ladies!) Then he started doing it to me! Thanking me for cooking dinner (wha-a-at?), buying his favorite snack (he loves Cheez-Its, the smell makes me gag, but I love him!), and saying how pretty I look (okay, that one still gets the :rolleyes: from me, because he usually says it when I’ve got the “just-rolled-out-of-bed-and-looking-like-something-the-cat-dragged-in” look going! SO hot!)

Twenty years this coming July and looking forward to the next twenty! It works!


One idea: attract him with how you look and act.

He found you attractive before he married you; continue to do what you know attracts him. Men are often rather visual. If a husband only sees his wife taking care of herself when she goes out–or not at all-- it might seem like she doesn’t care what he thinks of her appearance. Sure, husbands see us at our worst, but try not to make that an everyday event. I’m not talking about a whole bunch of make-up or fancy clothes, but dress and act in the way that your husband finds attractive. And don’t forget to flirt with him.


That’s a really good one. :thumbsup: (It makes all the other husbands green with envy too, so if your husband is at all competitive, it scores you big points.)


I’m too late to edit, but I want to add another thought on this point that just hit me. If the original poster asks this question because her spouse is acting jealous and suspicious, this is not the time for her major make-over. I heard that sudden changes in appearance is one sign of an affair. But still flirt with your husband and act in ways that you know attract him. And do make an extra effort to look good when there is no doubt that the only adult who will see you that day is him.


Yes, but if he’s already got a big head, be careful, or widen the doorways.:slight_smile:


I am not married and have only had one serious relationship.
I know which things my boyfriend just loved…

  • when I put my head on his shoulder in the bus :slight_smile:
  • embrace him in ways that made him feel maschuline
  • hold his hand in public while walking down the street
  • when I told him I had dressed up and wore makeup for him
  • gave him a long eye contact conveing “I am in love with you”
  • sent him text messages
  • told him honest and sudden compliments about his smile, his clothes or how I had missed him during the day

He made me feel wanted and loved too which is of course crucial in any relationship.

God bless you and your marriage


Treat him like you need him. Express gratitude. I try to regularly find something to praise about him, especially things that support his ego and identity as a man. Kiss that spot you know that gets him all hot and bothered, and then make good on it later. Make him feel like you can’t get enough of him. Be sweet to him. Like another poster said, get his favorite snacks, make dinners you know he likes. Respect him as a father. Don’t jump in if he seems a bit lost, give him the space to figure out his own ways. When you ask him to do something, don’t criticize how he does it. I remember this on the dishwasher. He doesn’t load it the way I would, but he loads it and the dishes get clean… so who cares?

All this only works if you have chosen your guy well first. Choose wisely, treat sweetly. If you have a guy who is jealous or accusing you of not putting him first, and is unreasonable or possessive, refusing to believe that he is your one and only, none of these strategies will work. (Sometimes a guy is right and his wife is not putting him first, but some guys are just jealous, controlling, and possessive, and none of our suggestions can cure that.)


I can’t count the number of conversations we have had about Sarbanes-Oxley. I really have no idea what Sarbanes-Oxley (don’t bother looking it up, unless you need some sleeping material) is all about. I really think DH thinks I do!! LOL
It does make them really happy when we listen to what is important to them, thus making us happy! :wink:

DH and I start each day with a prayer that reminds us that we are One with God
I can’t think of a better way to live every day of your marriage.


Ooooooo, JAT, your hubby must be an accountant! Mine too… I recognized the name of that law immediately! Tee hee


Economist actually, although I think he does everything with numbers for his company, accounting, audit, compliance, claims. On top of that he is self taught IT and programming. His boss actually told their new CEO that he was the only one in the company that can do every job in the company!! They always joke around that they are going to put “Go To Guy” on his business cards.

I LOVE that I married a Geek :smiley:

Funny thing is I HATE everything that has to do with numbers :stuck_out_tongue: My sister actually took care of my finances for me before I was married because I just stress over it sooo much it was giving me ulcers.


Is my husband a polyamist? Are we married ot the same man?Sadly, I know all about Sarbanes-Oxley. My DH and I have similar careers.:frowning:


Be confident in yourself, when people look at you when you go out let him know they can look all they want your his. Have alot of fun together no matter what you do. Laugh alot,and when life gets in the way take off if only for a walk in the park. woods whatever. Dont ever cheat and then years will make him more confident. Talk alot, about everything, make him your best friend, but dont give up your friends or your life either. Do alot together, make every minute with you as positive as you can. Make your outlook on life good, make the best out of the worst. And most of all be Happy, but most of all as far as letting him know he is your one and only actions speak louder than words.


Oh and i forgot the most important thing GOD. The old saying the family that prays together stays together. Church every Sunday a must. Me and mine have missed maybe 4 Sundays in 28 years. God is the glue for sure. It is the BIG SECRET.


I SECOND this!!!


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