It always seemed very cut and dry when I was younger, and things like other religions and beliefs in magic or ‘mana’ were foreign concepts of fantasy and myth. These days, I’m not so sure. So I come to the point of my question. I was taught to believe that mana is something one has to trade their soul for, or something to that effect, that it was a heinous sin. But what if I didn’t choose or ask for a particular talent or gift that is associated with it?
At age 10 I had always had really terrible, and terrifying nightmares, but there came a particular nightmare that I still remember vividly now, 24 years later, in which when I was about to escape my nightmares by waking, I had my first experience of lucid dreaming. A voice in the nightmare threatened to hurt my family if I woke up. I stated asleep, and saw the dream through to conclusion, but willing my own changes upon it to rescue my family within the dream, and then to fight off the offending dark entity that had pursued me.
For many years after I didn’t have anymore dreams like it. But, I remembered how I took control of the dream. At age 16 the dreams of this intensity started again, upon a night before I had been planning suicide. Before I slept, I dug deep, prayed real hard, didn’t care who or what answered, begging for a sign or something, about why I should bother to keep living. I got it, in a big way. That’s a dream for later discussion though. After that dream I have had increasing frequency of nightmares that just start right in with things I can only describe as demons, calling me by name, stating they’ve been looking for me, and then attacking me in my dreams. The most troubling part is I FEEL unable to wake during these nightmarish attacks, and only through increased practice in lucid dreaming techniques have I been able to fend them off. And yet, when I wake, my body has very mild marks on it, as if the injuries in the dream were real, but their severity is diminished. Along the way, I have also begun unwittingly learning an advanced form of lucid dreaming, referred to as Dream Walking, reputedly a form of Shamanic magic.
For all I’ve learned, experienced, and discovered along the way, I don’t regret this talent which most who pursue it require years of practice and training to just scratch the surface of it. What I wonder is, if mana came naturally to someone, are they still a sinner, or is there an exception for this?