My mother and I have never gotten along. She wont take no for an answer and will throw a giant childish temper tantrum. She once threw a glass of water at me across the dining room table, she will run into her bathroom and slam the door and scream at the top of her lungs and beat the wall with her fists. She once called the police and implied my dad had hit her so they cuffed him in his own house (she is the only one I've ever seen hit). She'd talk bad about my dad behind his back and often implied my dad was having an affair to turn my sister and I against him. The most difficult thing about her is she has left the Catholic church to join an evangelical church that tells her she should cut off contact with anyone that is toxic. She uses this to make herself out to be the martyr, and to cast her judgement on everyone. She trash talks the Catholic church any chance she gets even though I respect her faith. She has an insatiable need to badmouth my relatives or friends to me. She says my grandma was evil because of a fight they had and that the stroke my grandmother had is God punishing her, but I've always been suspicious because my dad's 5 brothers and sisters were on my grandmas side in the fight.
My husband and I had a big falling out with her and my father recently. I returned home from a recent military deployment, and my first phone call with my mother she begins to tell me about a fight she is having with my cousin. She blew up that I wouldn't hold a grudge against my cousin over it. My dad then call me and he cussed me out and called me a family traitor.
Then, I had a complicated pregnancy. I had in-utero surgery to save my son after doctors recommended terminating the pregnancy. I went into premature labor, and my mother flew up against our wishes. We were under a lot of stress with the complications and asked her to come up after the baby was born. She arrived in town at midnight, and my husband had to go get her and leave me crying alone in labor for hours. My mother would later complain about how all the daughters in the baby shows on TV were happy to see their moms, how she just wanted to see her grandson be born (at what cost to his well being given the situation?), and how unfair it was that that's not how things worked for her. I ended up having a C-section in the morning because the baby went into distress after I didn't sleep all night. I was shaking uncontrollably from the stress, when I heard my baby cry for the first time I couldn't stop sobbing I was so relieved he was alive, and Dr.s were concerned I was going into shock as my blood pressure crashed. My baby was taken to the NICU where he would spend the next two months. My mom stayed in town for 3 weeks and refused to respect anything we asked of her. The NICU nurses threatened to kick her out twice for failure to follow rules, which she told me were stupid. She even cut off my husband while he was talking to the surgeon and told the surgeon that she didn't need to operate on our son.
My son was born with a severe condition that gives him a 50% chance of making his 2nd birthday. We almost lost him to meningitis in the NICU, and now he is on dialysis as his kidneys have failed. My mom commented to my husband that 'Thank God what's wrong with him is on the inside and not the outside so people won't judge him'. She is incredibly shallow...she wouldn't let me go to my high school prom with an African American boy I was friends with, and never saw my friends for their hearts and minds. Growing up, she spent tons of money buying my sister and I everything, and she is doing it with my son now. Anytime my mom and dad are mad at me they bring this up to hold it over my head and call me an ingrate. I have stopped letting them help us in anyway, because it is always conditional. My mom never let me pursue my dreams in life (I had to play the sports and musical instruments she wanted, I went to the college she wanted, and I joined the branch of military service she'd settle for without cutting me off like she threatened).
When my son came home from the NICU we sent out a mass e-mail to inform the friends and family on my son's health, thank them for their prayers, and ask them to keep it up. My mom was furious we had sent an e-mail to the family. I found out later, this was because she had sent her own update e-mail to the family saying the baby was just premature, doing great and was home. She hadn't sent this e-mail to my husband or I, we got a copy from a confused family member. She insisted the Doctors were exaggerating, and my dad sent me a 10 page e-mail full of lies and accusatons, a list of all supposed wrongs we have done them, and said they were tired of us being dramatic. My mom sent us an e-mail full of bible verses trying to prove that the devil was using us to tear her down because she loved God so much, and that God had given our son his health problems to wake us up to him. This led to a huge fight, and my mom and dad held a grudge for over a month. I lost half my milk supply, and we had to turn to a donor milk bank to feed my son which cost us over $20,000.
My mom finally started calling again acting like nothing was wrong, and I forgave her. She was on her best behavior for months until recently. She hung up on me on my son's first birthday because I got frustrated that she called first thing in the morning and again several hours later (we've told her not to do this since he's on dialysis and sleeping) She is also talking bad about people again, and when I tell her to drop it she won't.
I know God says to forgive 7 x 7 times, and to honor our father and mother. God has done so much for my family. I feel like if I avoid her I am holding a grudge just like she does on everyone else. So, what would you do??