My wife and I got married last month. This November will be 8 years that we've been together. A couple weeks after the wedding she comes to me saying she doesn't know if we will last. She doesn't know if she can stay with me, but she loves me. She says she can't forget the past. So, let me tell you what that past is.
I smoked a lot of pot all through high school and quit right after graduation. Emily and I first met when I was a sophomore. She's was a freshmen. We became very close friends very fast. I ended up having to go an extra year of high school. So, our senior year we started dating. During that time I smoked meth quite a few times. I never really got addicted; I just always did it when it was around. We pushed through that and I haven't touched that poison in nearly 8 years.
I had not so great of an upbringing. My stepfather physically abused me and my mother mentally abused me. I've battled depression and anxiety and anger for as long as I can remember, and I'm 26. I've had migraines since I was 11 because of a massive head injury. All I ever saw growing up was fighting between parents and my real father getting drunk all the time and fighting with either his wife or his friends. All I've ever known is pain and rejection in my life. Every girl before Emily has treated me like dirt and cheated on me.
Now that Emily and I are married, I have health insurance again and I have found a very awesome primary doctor. She's helping me a lot with some health issues I'm having such as high blood pressure, high cholesterol, and my anxiety. I have an upcoming appointment with a psychiatrist next month. My doctor thinks that I am bipolar and that I really need some help. So, I'm hoping the psychiatrist I'm going to see can help straighten that out. All of my mental problems have put a huge strain on Emily the entire time we've been together. Growing up I never talked about my problems. I always kept everything inside. This is one of the things she can't forget. She says I have shut her out and pushed her away for the passed 8 years.
In recent weeks since all this first came out, I have been trying as hard as possible to change every single aspect of my life. I'm eating better, I'm active, I try to control my moods and my anger better, I have a prescription for Valiums now to keep me more mellow and not flying off the handle at every little thing, I've been trying my best to show her affection constantly, and I've been working hard at my relationship with God. In fact, I have an interview today at my local Catholic church for RCIA.
Still she can't get passed my previous behavior. Still there's tension and coldness. She can't even be intimate with me, because she just can't stand the thought of it. I've prayed and prayed and prayed and done all of the above to prove to her that things aren't ever going to be like they were. I'm still at a loss. I still feel like the marriage is in danger and I can't bear to lose her. She's the love of my life. I've only ever slept with one other person before her and I was her first. I can't imagine life without her. Please pray for us and if you have any advice I would greatly appreciate it. Thank you.