Marital Acts and Sex


#1

I realize this forum has talked about this subject before but I have a very particular question. My wife and I recently had our third baby (yay!!) and she is unable to have sex for 6-8 weeks in order to heal. Given this situation, is it permissible for the male to orgasm outside of the wife? There is no intent to sin and prevent life, just the mere impossibility of fulfilling the marital act through normal intercourse.

Any thoughts would be appreciated!


#2

[quote="Catholic_Help, post:1, topic:242318"]
I realize this forum has talked about this subject before but I have a very particular question. My wife and I recently had our third baby (yay!!) and she is unable to have sex for 6-8 weeks in order to heal. Given this situation, is it permissible for the male to orgasm outside of the wife? There is no intent to sin and prevent life, just the mere impossibility of fulfilling the marital act through normal intercourse.

Any thoughts would be appreciated!

[/quote]

No, it's never permissible for the male to deliberately ...er...finish outside of a completed act of intercourse. You just have to wait it out like everybody else...


#3

[quote="Catholic_Help, post:1, topic:242318"]
I realize this forum has talked about this subject before but I have a very particular question. My wife and I recently had our third baby (yay!!) and she is unable to have sex for 6-8 weeks in order to heal. Given this situation, is it permissible for the male to orgasm outside of the wife? There is no intent to sin and prevent life, just the mere impossibility of fulfilling the marital act through normal intercourse.

Any thoughts would be appreciated!

[/quote]

I would imagine you can probably get by for about 6 weeks without resorting to taking matters into your own hands or expecting your wife to manually stimulate you to the point of orgasm, which would be a sin. Your wife has to wait for about 6 weeks and I would imagine it will be a gift from her to you to be open to the marital act, since she will likely still be exhausted and hormonally-lacking from caring for newborn and other children.


#4

What you are describing is euphemistically called “mutual masterbation” and it it not a moral act. The intent is to partake of sexual pleasure for it’s own sake without its proper context in the marital act and that is an intent to sin.


#5

[quote="mini_me640, post:2, topic:242318"]
No, it's never permissible for the male to deliberately ...er...finish outside of a completed act of intercourse. You just have to wait it out like everybody else...

[/quote]

This.


#6

[quote="Corki, post:4, topic:242318"]
What you are describing is euphemistically called "mutual masterbation" and it it not a moral act. The intent is to partake of sexual pleasure for it's own sake without its proper context in the marital act and that is an intent to sin.

[/quote]

That was helpful, Corki.


#7

Did she have a c section? My husband and I only waited 6 weeks for the first baby (episiotomy) For the next three kids we only waited about 2 to 3 weeks…I can’t imagine waiting 6 weeks to 2 months(if the birth was relatively routine).


#8

Unfortunately, it wasn’t routine… it wasn’t a C-section though.


#9

No its not permissible. that would be a perversion of the marital act and would bring sin into your marriage, practice continence, pray to God for the grace to do so, I will pray for you as well.


#10

And learn to keep it in your pants!


#11

[quote="Catholic_Help, post:1, topic:242318"]
I realize this forum has talked about this subject before but I have a very particular question. My wife and I recently had our third baby (yay!!) and she is unable to have sex for 6-8 weeks in order to heal. Given this situation, is it permissible for the male to orgasm outside of the wife? There is no intent to sin and prevent life, just the mere impossibility of fulfilling the marital act through normal intercourse.

Any thoughts would be appreciated!

[/quote]

Congratulations on the baby . Prayers for your wife's healing and family adjustment.
You should probably do some reading/studying on marriage and the marital act. What you propose really damages the meaning behind the marital act.
You could read Theology of the Body or one of the studies about it. Try Chrisopher West. Or a book called Holy Sex... by Greg Popcak is also good.


#12

A couple of the responses were a little flippant. You do have a valid question and it is good to ask if you are unsure.

No, you will have to wait until your wife is medically cleared.

My recommendation for the meantime, is spend all your spare energy (and then some) helping out with the new baby and the other kids. Your wife will really appreciate it, she will love you even more for this!


#13

Thanks, WHM, Brendan, and Seatuck...


#14

What a wonderful husband and father you must be! Congratulations on the gift of new life!

I am sorry that you have to wait. You must love your wife very dearly and desire to be so close to her! This is a good thing!

Turn to St. Joseph, he is waiting to help you. Let the arms of St. Joseph embrace you and ask him to help you through this. St. Joseph loved and married a woman and never had relations with her…ever. He knows exactly how you are feeling. Turn to him and ask him to pray for you.

I will pray for you too. It is wonderful that you came here to ask such a personal question. God bless you and God bless your family life. Please take care as best as you can.


#15

[quote="Monicad, post:14, topic:242318"]
What a wonderful husband and father you must be! Congratulations on the gift of new life!

I am sorry that you have to wait. You must love your wife very dearly and desire to be so close to her! This is a good thing!

Turn to St. Joseph, he is waiting to help you. Let the arms of St. Joseph embrace you and ask him to help you through this. St. Joseph loved and married a woman and never had relations with her...ever. He knows exactly how you are feeling. Turn to him and ask him to pray for you.

I will pray for you too. It is wonderful that you came here to ask such a personal question. God bless you and God bless your family life. Please take care as best as you can.

[/quote]

Thanks! I've only been Catholic for two years. Formerly I belonged to an evangelical church which would have argued this teaching as unduly legalistic... I'm just starting to try and learn the beauty of many of the Church's teachings.


#16

[quote="Catholic_Help, post:1, topic:242318"]
I realize this forum has talked about this subject before but I have a very particular question. My wife and I recently had our third baby (yay!!) and she is unable to have sex for 6-8 weeks in order to heal. Given this situation, is it permissible for the male to orgasm outside of the wife? There is no intent to sin and prevent life, just the mere impossibility of fulfilling the marital act through normal intercourse.

Any thoughts would be appreciated!

[/quote]

Our first was born in a hospital w/ a midwife from an OB office. Our others were delivered at birth centers with midwives. Only the OB office said we had to wait until the 6 week check. The midwives at the birth centers always said whenever I felt ready (which was a lot sooner than 6 weeks.)

Sorry, I just saw that it wasn't routine. I'll pray for her to heal quickly.


#17

I just want to say, I read the thread and I’m so happy that you have come home, as we say to people who convert or who return to the Church. It is not an easy path, but it’s the truth and rewarding in an amazing way. God bless you and congratulations on your new little one!

:slight_smile:


#18

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