[quote=C S P B]We have started counselling. Going separately to the same counselor.
The advice given is good and that is what I am trying to do. I have learned to love regardless and recognize that the animosity directed at me may not have been entirely caused by me. That helps me to maintain my self-worth and offer it up to God. Certainly I sometimes act badly in the heat of the moment, but with God’s help am doing better. None of this is recognized, but lack of recognition does not change my responsibility to act lovingly.
I do get angry but anger in itself is not a sin. It is what a person does with the anger that can be sinful.
I cannot reach my wife thru conversation or kindness. I never measure up in her eyes. Nice things I do are “to be expected” so do not need to be acknowledged or appreciated. Things not done are evidence of my neglect, abuse, selfishness and so forth.
Therefore, I have decided (thru much prayer and seeking God) that I must lead and help to heal her thru prayer, sacrifice and trust in God. As I have deepened my faith and better become a spiritual warrior and intercessor on her behalf (without trying to dictate or control), things have really heated up. Communication has deteriorated even more.
I am constantly evaluating my course of action because there is so much suffering on both our parts. Still I can not find a better course of action but prayer sacrifice, intercession, and trust in God.
It is really hard to discern how to be a “real man”, a servant-leader, a compassionate-protector and avoid being either a weak man or a tyrant.
These terms are seemingly contradictory, yet I believe that finding the balance is what men are called to achieve.
My heart goes out to you.
You are doing all the right things.
It seems to me your wife has alot of built-up resentment in her heart and mind toward you and each attempt and loving action you make is simply an opportunity for her to “punish” you and minimize your efforts as insignificant.
Of course this hurts.
But - do NOT give up. God will hear your prayers and answer them.
One thing I suggest you pray for specifically.
Ask God to place in her heart and mind those feelings of old that she had for you that made her fall in love with you. :love:
He CAN re-ignite those deep buried feelings.
For her and for you.
Along with this specific prayer, ask God to break down those walls and chains of resentment and hurt that have bound each of you and prevented that love to flourish.
St. Michael the Archangel is a great one to ask for intercession.
As well as St. Rita and of course the Blessed Mother.
As hard as it is to remain faithful (spiritually) and loving toward someone who rebuffs you - she is not unaware of your efforts and they WILL reap the benefit at some point.
A great book that has helped many women in the marriages and how they view and treat (mis-treat) their husbands, is Dr. Laura’s book called, "The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands."
It is a gem and I would recommend you consider purchasing this for her and leave a copy lying around or just hand it to her in love (after you’ve read it yourself) and tell her that perhaps this book will help her see how you are feeling.
God Bless you both and you are in my prayers.