I am new here but really in need of some Catholics to talk to about this. I have terrible trust issues regarding my husband and his loyality to our marriage of 15 yrs. We are not happily married and it is only in recent years that things have been tough. He returned from a deployment(military) and has not be the same since but that is not the cause of his sexual behavior issues. They have been an issue much longer.
He thinks masterbation is perfectly normal and thinks I am acting righteous and prudish to not agree with him and be understanding about him doing it. He lies about it and frequently gets angry if I bring it up. He has on occasion gone to the strip clubs and doesn’t tell me unless I somehow find out. He does use porn but sometimes tells me he is done with it until I catch him again. It isn’t a healthy relationship at all.
I have very little trust, just when I think I can trust again, I find some small detail that leads me to wonder more. He wants me to trust him, though it seems to me that is asking alot considering he has lied and does this. He gets angry with me.
He travels for weeks out of the month and is alone with his computer/tv/magazines whatever. He tells me he won’t masterbate and will wait for me when he gets home, but it just doesn’t happen.
He was raised Catholic, although doesn’t believe anything right now. We have a large family and he does attend Mass with us but does not participate, except oddly enough, he does receive communion. He does not go to confession. When he is away for work, he does not attend Mass, even when able.
I’ve prayed about this for years and want to have faith that it will be ok in God’s time. The sexual side of this has been going on almost as long as I’ve known him though, probably not constantly though. I believed him when he said he wouldn’t do it back when we got married but apparently he has not stopped and goes back to it. When asked, he says he is not addicted. Claims not to do it much or at all when he is home. Not sure I buy that, it could just be me not trusting.
I just don’t know what to do. I am in a bad relationship, Catholic(though not married in a church) and this is just one of many things effecting our family. I don’t feel comfortable with my husband and really resent him. I am the bad guy in our house for not trusting him. He always manages to turn it on me and my righteousness. He attacks my beliefs and wants me to defend them. I want to and do, although sometimes for me, trusting in the churches rules or ways isn’t always clear as to why I do it, it is just something I do as a Catholic. I know I need to learn more (and am constantly) to defend myself better but this is my husband for goodness sake!!!
If nothing else, will you pray for us? I am open to advice, things can’t get much worse right now. I am home alone, with all the kids, and of course, not feeling very trusting. I apologize if this is rambling as my thoughts are scattered and this isn’t easy to talk about. Thank you.