Marital "misunderstanding" -- married fellows please weigh in. Wives, I know you will too!


#1

So tonight I was on the phone with my girlfriend. I had just come home from my daughter’s first reconciliation rehearsal. I was saying to my friend on the phone that maybe due to me being post-partum (my youngest- of four kids- is only 7 weeks old) that I am just being TOO sensitive, too judgemental, maybe too paranoid – BUT…

"There is a lady whose child goes to the kid’s school, whom I have noticed before. She looks like me, meaning she has the Betty Page type bangs, same style, kinda rockabilly/old style punk rock. Tonight she was wearing a smokin’ dress that was actually V-cut down the back to show off her tattoo. 5 inch heels. She’s pretty I admit, but tonight she smiled at me and I didn’t know what to do with it. When we were at the Christmas program when Dash was only 7 DAYS old she really stuck out. Not because of her style but because she kept checking out [DH]. I was literally distracted from my kids because this lady kept turning around in the pew looking at him! OF COURSE I noticed! I don’t believe she’s married as she isn’t wearing a ring, and I have seen her a number of times at events AND MASS alone with her daughter. Even when walking across the street to the school the night of the program she watched my DH, yet smiled at me too. I don’t know – there was just a “vibe” not like she was outwardly flirting, but she keeps checking out my man! He’s a cute guy so I guess I should be flattered…I mean really, he’s handsome, who wouldn’t check him out if they could?

but this is church…I dont know what to think about it. Maybe she’s just trying to cotton to her own kind of people and I am just being sensitive? It’s not like I get to wear hot shoes with a newborn in a sling and a 2 year old at hand. I’m not threatened, I just feel uncomfortable. [DH] wasn’t there tonight so she didnt turn around every 30 seconds like at Christmas. I should be flattered, but I am just – I don’t know? Insecure a little?"

So yeah I get off the phone, meanwhile noticing his buddy from high school is planning a trip here (notified via myspace), and as I am about to tell him he says “Who’s cute and why should you be FLATTERED?” i.e. the above bolded text is ALL THAT HE HEARD!!

He was puffing up for a huge fight! He assumed I was talking about someone other than him!! :eek: Disclaimer: he has always been a bit jealous. It took me a minute because that part of the conversation died 20minutes earlier, then I realized and told him I was referring to him! He didn’t even look relieved, in fact he still acted a bit mad! I even offered to call her back so he could ask her himself, but he’s not that over the top. I also meanwhile asked him if he hadn’t noticed her. I am happy to report he didn’t. He also didnt notice when I desperately(in my mind), yet subtly, flirted with him 15 years ago. :o

Weird situation.

So guys, if you stumbled upon your wife saying that. Had moment to pause and think she might be talking about you, or she might be talking about someone else – and let’s face it – my statement could have referred to someone else flirting with me and I should be flattered – would you be grateful and relieved when she explained it was you?

Would you be flattered to over-hear your wife talking that way about you?

Would you be flattered to hear that some other lady may have been looking but your wife didn’t carry on about it?

Would you take a long time to recover and just still be so mad by thinking your wife was referring to somebody else?

Let’s remember our situation of just having a baby has thrown our normal marriage give-and-take off a bit. BOTH of us are sensitive. :blushing:

I guess I just want to hear how other hubbies would handle the first part, (it’s certainly not like I am going to point out the hottie in the fancy shoes checking him out as it’s happening!) and then how they would feel when they realized their wives were talking about THEM. Would you be flattered and relieved and then act accordingly? Like – well a blushing “thanks-- sorry. I love you.” Or would it take you a moment, or a day – :o to cool down?


#2

If I overheard my fiancée saying something along those lines, my natural assumption would be that she’s talking about someone else, probably someone that her friend (and not she herself) was interested in.

When it turned out that she was talking about me, I’d be somewhat incredulous, both because I’m not handsome, and because she’s never said such things about me before. But I’d cool down rather quickly, after correcting her idea of my “good looks.”

Sam, the Neon Orange Knight


#3

My husband, he would find it funny, but - we are older and neither of us has ever had a jealousy issue. Give him a hug and know that this will pass.


#4

I guess that since I am not really of the jealous type I may not be of much help.
basically all I can say is that I trust my wife and she trusts me. If we see someone cute and make a comment as such it really is never taken as anything “ominous”.

It’s like the old saying that if a married man says he doesn’t look at other women he is iether blind or a liar. the same can be said for women.

James


#5

It’s totally understandable that you’re both a little sensitive, right now–having a new baby can create new schedules, etc…and it takes a little while, as you and I know, to sometimes get back to ‘normal.’ Whatever normal is!:wink:

I find it interesting that someone would dress quite like that (5 inch heels and a revealing dress) to a school Christmas function. But, we can’t judge…hey maybe she was going dancing afterwards, or something…? But, we can only choose our own reactions…and I would just be flattered, and chalk up the other night to you and your husband just having a crossing of communication lines. It happens…and as long as we don’t dwell on these things, then that’s all that matters.

Now, you just need to wear ***your ***smokin’ hot dress the next time there is a function!:wink: :stuck_out_tongue:

Have a great weekend!:hug1:


#6

Don’t get me wrong… I love my wife but…

first, I’d assume she was talking about someone else, too.

Second. One of two things would happen if I did think my wife was complimenting me on my looks to someone else.

  1. I’d faint
  2. I’d think UFO’s had left some sort of replacement for her…

Isn’t this like buying flowers for your wife for no reason? “He must be guilty of something!”


#7

My dh wouldn’t care if a) he actually did overhear and B) be flattered I suppose. Neither one of us has jealousy issues though.


#8

There is no jealousy “issue” i.e. unhealthy behavior. It’s just normal jealousy that’s frankly, a bit flattering. A woman likes to feel valued, treasured and that her man does care that someone might encroach on his most prized “possession” – and please don’t read into that - he is MY most prized “possession” too. I am lucky my man is not “married” to his job, the computer, play station, or get this – he doesn’t even WATCH SPORTS! :eek: I have it pretty darn great in my life and marriage. :thumbsup:

I think he’s feeling very sensitive because we haven’t had – I’ll be frank: sex. In a while. I just got over the no-sex postpartum time-frame. Furthermore, with breastfeeding my hormones aren’t really flowing. Add in four kids and by bedtime I am officially “touched out.” It’s going to be afternoon delight this weekend if it’s going to happen at all!

I know him well enough after 11 years of marriage to know that no lovin’ wears on him and his rational thought process after too long. We do have have a very good sex life usually, so for a man not distracted by sports, jobs, video games, computers, etc…he really feels the loss of his wife…if you catch my drift. Books and netflix only go so far…

I am sad to read men come to this thread saying their women would not say such things to/about them! Guys, seriously, this is a Dr. Laura point-well-made. Maybe you could leave your wives a copy of The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands maybe from an anonymous donor or perhaps a secret admirer?

OH and by the way – Ms. Hottie Shoes was wearing an even shorter/low cut dress and looked pretty disappointed to see just me today. :cool: I knew I wasn’t imagining it! That lady should never play poker! :rotfl:


#9

KC,
Bingo…S.E.X. There’s a whole psyche going on with this. Men are much different than women and the more they abstain the more sensative they get. At least that’s me. I ambstain quite often for my wife’s sake.

Bingo…can you tell I’m a Knight?..NEW BABY…everyone gets turned around. And he sounds like he really loves and care about you just from his bowing up…men like to “protect” their turf…makes us feel like good decent men.

The HOTTY’s obnoxious to me. My wife might react like you. But she’s pointed out flirtation that just went right over my head. She “EDUCATED” me…whoo. I didn’t realize it when women were really flirting in the beginning. But 19 years later and I “PROTECT” myself for not just my sake, but her and the children. He may notice the HOTTY. But that’s irrelivant. An ego booster never hurt a guy. We like flattery too. He sounds like a typical but unusual man who knows what’s important. If he expresses anxiety over this, you should consider just telling him the story you posted. His chemical balance is probably at play here. It would be in your best favor. I’m mean YOUR favor. Key word “FAVOR”. He’d probably suck up to you just for feeling guilty. Just express how angry or whatever the feeling is so he knows to avoid her.

We’re kinda dumb at times. Blinded a bit. It’s probably biological to some degree. It’s what causes us to “make the first moves”. At least that’s my quick off the cuff feeling about the situation without getting more details…and I wouldn’t express more detail if I were you on here.

It’s really your call. You know he best. But don’t lean on “blind trust”. That’s just lame pride talking. Treat him with dignity…even if he isn’t doing such a great job. But from the reaction, I’d be flattered that her cares enough for you that he’s gone into protection mode. Just something to think about. We’ve been married for almost 19 years and are closer than ever because we share feelings.


#10

KC,

i can only say one thing: next time Miss Spikes and Yikes turns around a dozen times at any gathering-- Mass, kids’ choir, whatever, I’d call her out like a slow runner at first.

sweeeeet as anything, “i noticed you were looking at us during Mass. is there something on your mind?”

yup.


#11

My thoughts precisely:D!!!


#12

I agree…

But people notice my family all the time. There are just some families that stick out. I feel like I have something on my nose sometimes. A good friend even said it. “ya’ll are the kind of family that just sticks out”… Walk lightly on doing this though.

BUT, it really sounds like the Hotty may just be doing number 9…only your hubby…9-Line…thou shalt not covet other people[thy neighbor’s wife (husband)]…right before the 10-Pen the uber pen…thou shalt not covet thy neighbor’s stuff.

1-Run
2-Shoe
3-Tree
4-Door
5-Hive
6-Sticks
7-Heaven
8-Plate
9-Line
10-Pen


#13

Sorry I’m not married, but I guess that won’t stop me from commenting anyway. I think I could see myself, if I were a bit stressed, acting the same why he did. Granted, I too would probably blow it off pretty quick after the misunderstanding was cleared up. I don’t think I’d be flattered at first either, once the situation sunk in and the irratation went away, not that I’d be irrated at said wife. Once I’m on that course emotionally, it’ll take some time to turn it back aorund.

One thing you might want to consider, especially if you you think your husband really doesn’t have much affinity for her, is to try to strike up a conversation with her. It can be hard on a single person going to a church with a lot of husband/wife families. Granted she probably wants some attention, but really trying to attract some guy really doesn’t seem to be the main thing she may need. She just might need a friend, rather than someone to lay down the law. If you think you husband might like the attention from her though, then you might just skip on that.


#14

DISCLAIMER: The views and opinions expressed in these forums do not necessarily reflect those of Catholic Answers. For official apologetics resources please visit www.catholic.com.