Marital sexual relations

My wife and I are devout Catholics in our late 50’s. During sexual relations, if the male ejaculates outside of the vagina by an intentional act, is this a sin. If so, is it a mortal or venial sin?

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Yes. Grave matter.

Birth Control " In Humanae Vitae , Pope Paul VI stated, “[W]e must once again declare that the direct interruption of the generative process already begun, and, above all, directly willed and procured abortion, even if for therapeutic reasons, are to be absolutely excluded as licit means of regulating birth. Equally to be excluded, as the teaching authority of the Church has frequently declared, is direct sterilization, whether perpetual or temporary, whether of the man or of the woman. Similarly excluded is every action which, either in anticipation of the conjugal act, or in its accomplishment, or in the development of its natural consequences, proposes, whether as an end or as a means, to render procreation impossible” (HV 14).

This was reiterated in the Catechism of the Catholic Church : “[E]very action which, whether in anticipation of the conjugal act, or in its accomplishment, or in the development of its natural consequences, proposes, whether as an end or as a means, to render procreation impossible is intrinsically evil” (CCC 2370)."(Bold emphasis is mine).


If it’s done on purpose it’s a sin.

It constitutes grave matter which means that if you had full knowledge (knew it was a sin) and consent (willed to do it/did it on purpose). It would be a mortal sin. Only you can decide if those two additional conditions were met.

If you have any more questions you should confess it just to be safe and then ask the priest’s advice.


The marital act needs to finish properly. That is ejaculation in the intended way. If an “accident” happens then that is not a sinful act.

I would suggest reading the Catechism to identify the difference between mortal and venial sin.

It would be grave matter, it would have to be deliberate, and you would have to know of the sinful act.

Those are the three criteria for mortal sin. Since it would be grave matter to deliberately frustrate the act in an unnatural way, only you can decide if the other two criteria are met.

Why would someone want to end a marital act in a false way? Isn’t that disrespectful to your marriage and God?

It is masturbation, definitely wrong.

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Well, it is definitely wrong. But your terminology might not be correct.

No, actually the correct terminology to what the OP described.

See I wish when a couple went for their pre-marriage counselling with their Priest no matter HOW EMBARASSING I wish this would all be told in clear plain complete language to the couple. What is allowed, what is not allowed and NO guessing. For those of us who went into marriage as Virgins but ALL COUPLES REALLY this would DEFINITELY have been helpful. If the Priest didn’t feel comfortable there should have been written material given to the couple. NO Catholic married couple should have any questions about this once married.


Really? A detailed list of allowed and prohibited sexual acts between a married couple with each other?

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I actually think that’s a great idea! Catholicism has many rules about sexual relations that are permitted or denied to the Catholic and judging by the frequent questions here, many are confused.

A written handbook explaining them and why would be very helpful as it is difficult for many to ask. Should they remain ignorant of the Catholic view of sexuality and be led to sin in ignorance?


This is a very difficult concept for folks to follow, especially in this post-60s sexual revolution world.

The husband must finish the act inside of his wife. Traditional commentary by many Fathers and saints prohibits any form of oral sex regardless if it is foreplay or the intention of relations.

A general guide not a picture book or a detailed list. I mean really. Some people just don’t know what the Church allows and doesn’t allow especially those who marry pretty young. Just ask the question and give a straight answer from the Church.


The best one I’ve seen so far is “What Every Catholic Couple Should know —Marital Sexuality, Birth Control and NFP”. It’s in a ? And answer format. By Wendy Cukierski but it doesn’t have an imprimatur yet.

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Actually, the Church has very few rules about sexual activities. And that’s a good thing, which I’ve posted before. The Church has enough wisdom to not wade into the details of people’s sex lives.

You can imagine the tens of thousands of pages of detailed argumentation that it would require.


But when it comes to a true devout Catholic in marriage worrying about whether they are committing a sexual sin in their marriage it is pretty serious. It affects the person and it can affect the marriage. If it was definitively spelled out for all engaged Catholic couples before marriage things would be a whole lot better. A person shouldn’t have to wait until they are faced with the situation , possibly committing sin and then have to ask and found out.

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Jackie Francois Angel - Dating 101 (2019 Steubenville Main Campus 5)

“…a mans semen, a husband’s semen needs to end up and his wife’s vagina…”

“…oral sex within marriage, is not okay. If, oral stimulation in marriage is okay if it leads to the consummation of sex … anal sex at all, if semen ends up anywhere, again this is not just a case of plumbing…”

If this was OK to say to a room of high school students at a Steubenville Conference, I am sure this is permissible to post to CAF.

@CajunJoy65 Problem solved, everyone knows what is up. Spread this speech everywhere. Those who marry young will now know.

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Well high school students at a Conference is a bit different than an engaged Catholic Couple meeting with their Priest. But I get what you are saying. I just meant like when a couple goes to Engaged Encounter like we do in our Diocese there should be something plain and clear to give them from the Church.

I have not seen the videos above but just to be perfectly clear .

  1. man receives oral from wife and finishes through intercourse is a sin due to oral activity?

  2. man gives wife oral is a sin because of oral activity?

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Traditional teaching - and nothing has been written to refute it - condemns any oral sex, sexual aids, manual stimulation, etc. Many try to “loophole” out of this situation by drawing out the definition of “sexual act” to include all sorts of unnatural sexual stimulation methods that take place prior to the man finishing through vaginal intercourse. As if our Lord and Lady would approve of hours long unnatural stimulation, using sex toys, a woman demeaning herself by allowing her husband’s reproductive organ into places it doesn’t belong, etc.

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If this speech was actually given to a room full of high school students, then it’s a sad state of affairs that Steubenville is considered one of the few remaining “orthodox” Catholic universities.

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