Marriage affection


#1

I have a question about affection in marriage. in regards to prolonging kissing, “making out,” with your spouse do you have to stop if you start feeling sexually aroused. Should you avoid it if it does and you dont plan on having marital intercourse?


#2

Why would you have to stop? Natural loving signs of love and affection between married couples is a gift from God.


#3

Go for it Daily!!!


#4

God Bless you! You are within sacramental bonds with your wife. What a wonderful thing! I’m wondering what you mean by “not having marital intercourse”? Maybe I’m in the dark here, but you’re married and “marital intercourse” is the only “intercourse” there should be. Maybe you’re talking about NFP? I’m not sure.
M


#5

Oh My GOODNESS why would you want to stop? If youre married enjoy it. Depending on how long youve been married “making out” still would be an amazing thing. (Newlyweds dont count…thats all they want to do:D )

Most times couples (sadly) dont even show that much affection for one another. So if youre still making out with your spouse enjoy it for as long as you can. Its a wonderful thing!


#6

what a bless! you certainly don’t want to live like the miserable couple in my post.
forums.catholic.com/showthread.php?t=32967


#7

Here is a good one from the ‘Imitation of Christ’:

"What good is it to live a long life when we amend that life so little? Indeed, a long life does not always benefit us, but on the contrary, frequently adds to our guilt. Would that in this world we had lived well throughout one single day. Many count up the years they have spent in religion but find their lives made little holier. If it is so terrifying to die, it is nevertheless possible that to live longer is more dangerous. Blessed is he who keeps the moment of death ever before his eyes and prepares for it every day.
If you have ever seen a man die, remember that you, too, must go the same way. In the morning consider that you may not live till evening, and when evening comes do not dare to promise yourself the dawn. Be always ready, therefore, and so live that death will never take you unprepared. Many die suddenly and unexpectedly, for in the unexpected hour the Son of God will come. When that last moment arrives you will begin to have a quite different opinion of the life that is now entirely past and you will regret very much that you were so careless and remiss.

How happy and prudent is he who tries now in life to be what he wants to be found in death. Perfect contempt of the world, a lively desire to advance in virtue, a love for discipline, the works of penance, readiness to obey, self-denial, and the endurance of every hardship for the love of Christ, these will give a man great expectations of a happy death."


#8

[quote=MCOLE]God Bless you! You are within sacramental bonds with your wife. What a wonderful thing! I’m wondering what you mean by “not having marital intercourse”? Maybe I’m in the dark here, but you’re married and “marital intercourse” is the only “intercourse” there should be. Maybe you’re talking about NFP? I’m not sure.
M
[/quote]

I mean, if one just planned on prolonged kissing with your spouse, but you do not intend to have intercourse at that moment, is it okay to continue to “make out” at that moment if you feel aroused by it or should you stop because you do not plan to have intercourse at that time?


#9

[quote=martino]Here is a good one from the ‘Imitation of Christ’:

"What good is it to live a long life when we amend that life so little? Indeed, a long life does not always benefit us, but on the contrary, frequently adds to our guilt. Would that in this world we had lived well throughout one single day. Many count up the years they have spent in religion but find their lives made little holier. If it is so terrifying to die, it is nevertheless possible that to live longer is more dangerous. Blessed is he who keeps the moment of death ever before his eyes and prepares for it every day.
If you have ever seen a man die, remember that you, too, must go the same way. In the morning consider that you may not live till evening, and when evening comes do not dare to promise yourself the dawn. Be always ready, therefore, and so live that death will never take you unprepared. Many die suddenly and unexpectedly, for in the unexpected hour the Son of God will come. When that last moment arrives you will begin to have a quite different opinion of the life that is now entirely past and you will regret very much that you were so careless and remiss.

How happy and prudent is he who tries now in life to be what he wants to be found in death. Perfect contempt of the world, a lively desire to advance in virtue, a love for discipline, the works of penance, readiness to obey, self-denial, and the endurance of every hardship for the love of Christ, these will give a man great expectations of a happy death."
[/quote]

Although these are good words to remember, I am not sure that I understand how this quote fits into this particular thread.


#10

[quote=DailyBread]I mean, if one just planned on prolonged kissing with your spouse, but you do not intend to have intercourse at that moment, is it okay to continue to “make out” at that moment if you feel aroused by it or should you stop because you do not plan to have intercourse at that time?
[/quote]

How many times have we intended on not having intercourse and changed our minds. Merely enjoying feeling aroused and enjoying being aroused is certainly part of the blessings of being married.


#11

[quote=DailyBread]I mean, if one just planned on prolonged kissing with your spouse, but you do not intend to have intercourse at that moment, is it okay to continue to “make out” at that moment if you feel aroused by it or should you stop because you do not plan to have intercourse at that time?
[/quote]

What are you concerned about? That you will have intercourse you didn’t plan to have? That is why *unmarried *people should be concerned about getting into that situation. As for married people, intercourse they didn’t plan can lead to children that God did plan… there is no sin there.


#12

No, I am saying that what if a couple did not want to have intercourse at that time, but just prolonged kissing, and pne felt aroused, should they stop because they dont plan to have intercourse, just kissing.


#13

[quote=rwoehmke]Although these are good words to remember, I am not sure that I understand how this quote fits into this particular thread.
[/quote]

OH! My bad! I actually meant to post that on another thread!!! :smiley:

Sorry for the confusion…now go make out with your wife! :wink:


#14

[quote=DailyBread]No, I am saying that what if a couple did not want to have intercourse at that time, but just prolonged kissing, and pne felt aroused, should they stop because they dont plan to have intercourse, just kissing.
[/quote]

Do you mean is it wrong to kiss to climax–and at what point is that intentional or not or does it even matter–or do you mean is it wrong to plan not to have intercourse when in fact you want to have it? I’m not sure I’m getting where the “should” comes in here.

I’m still guessing as to what the question boils down to, but surely your reason for planning not to have intercourse has some bearing on this (e.g., is it that the the kids still awake, or are you avoiding procreation?) Or did you assure your spouse you “just wanted a kiss” and now you aren’t sticking to the “bargain”? Or maybe someone is just going a little overboard with the control issues here?


#15

[quote=BLB_Oregon]Do you mean is it wrong to kiss to climax–and at what point is that intentional or not or does it even matter–or do you mean is it wrong to plan not to have intercourse when in fact you want to have it? I’m not sure I’m getting where the “should” comes in here.

I’m still guessing as to what the question boils down to, but surely your reason for planning not to have intercourse has some bearing on this (e.g., is it that the the kids still awake, or are you avoiding procreation?) Or did you assure your spouse you “just wanted a kiss” and now you aren’t sticking to the “bargain”? Or maybe someone is just going a little overboard with the control issues here?
[/quote]

Marriage is a beautiful thing,I think perhaps you are getting a bit scrupulous;) Deep kissing is fine between a married couple,if you get aroused then clearly you with your partners consent can choose to engage in the marital act or not .Deep kissing is a show of affection.God Bless


#16

Sorry for the confusion on my question. I meant that say you and your spouse only wanted to “make out,” and did not want to have intercourse at that moment, but one of you is getting aroused by it. Should you stop or can you keep kissing even though you know it might lead to climax outside of intercourse? I would think one should stop because they realize they might.


#17

[quote=DailyBread]No, I am saying that what if a couple did not want to have intercourse at that time, but just prolonged kissing, and pne felt aroused, should they stop because they dont plan to have intercourse, just kissing.
[/quote]

Daily Bread: the “don’t plan to have intercourse” reason is too vague for any of us here to really get to the crux of your question. However, if you mean that if a couple has decided through prayer, etc. that it is not the right time for them to have a child, and are practicing NFP, and are “making out” during a fertile time when intercourse could lead to pregnancy, then it COULD be unloving to overly arouse your spouse and prepare them physically for sex when the two of you have already agreed that you should not make love during this phase. But it depends entirely on you and your spouse.


#18

“Climax outside of intercourse” is the no-no here. Arousal in itself is not problematic, unless you go so far in your making out that climax is inevitable. You need to get to know your own personal threshholds - the point of no return, if you will, and, when you don’t intend to go all the way, stop before you reach your point of no return. For newly married people, a few “accidents” in this regard can be understandable and not sinful, as they are just getting used to their sexuality. But it is your duty to figure out how far you can go without leading one or both of you into sin.

Is this what you were asking?

Betsy


#19

Yeah. Thanks a lot! That is what i figured, but I wasnt sure. SOrry for al the confusion on this post!


#20

[quote=DailyBread]I mean, if one just planned on prolonged kissing with your spouse, but you do not intend to have intercourse at that moment, is it okay to continue to “make out” at that moment if you feel aroused by it or should you stop because you do not plan to have intercourse at that time?
[/quote]

Did you ever hear the term “Nooner”? Hear the song that has the phrase “afternoon delight”?

Are you so boring that you always plan sex?

You still have not defined what the issue is of “not planning”. Obviously, if you are practicing NFP and do not chhose to have a child at this time, some restraint would show common sense. Masturbation is an inward turing for one’s own sexual pleasure, and totally misses the self giving by turning it on its head and making it self taking.

Otherwise, what is the issue? I mean, if you are getting late for work, no, you have no business starting to make out. If you are getting ready to go to your mother-in-law’s for dinner, get over being anal about getting there right on time. I mean, if it is such a big deal (on time), then don’t wipe off the lipstick…


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