Marriage and more


I desire to serve God in my vocation of marriage and in a second vocation/role that allows me to marry and serves the church and community. I’m already an active Knight of Columbus and I’m thinking about becoming a Permanent Deacon sometime in my life after I’m done with college and get married. I just want to know if there are secondary vocations/roles in the church for married men that are superior to being a knight or deacon? I honestly don’t believe so, but I want to hear the opinions of other people.


One is not superior to another. Different people are called to different things.


I mean that does more for society or the church that married men can become.


St. Joseph was a married man, and in his role as spouse and father did more for the Church than any other married man.


Being a Deacon is a calling. Sounds like you have plenty of time to discern your calling before you enter that path.


There are some cool vocations you could consider that serve both your community and parish. Law enforcement, firefighting, EMT teaching, health care workers etc. But if you are married, your largest most superior role will be a husband and father. You will be directly responsible for souls other than yours.

Using words like superior or being interested in titles can be dangerous here.
In my experience deacons who are really impressed with being deacons are not good deacons.


When I said if there are superior secondary vocations/roles I meant if there is a secondary vocation/role that will allow me to give more back to the church and community as a married man. I don’t care about power and thank you for that tip. I’ll make the edit to my post. I could not agree more, my duty as husband and father is the important thing I can do for God. :slightly_smiling_face::heart:


Loving your wife and raising your children well is the best way for a married man to give more back to the Church and community.

A married couple is a picture to the world of Christ and His Church. Marriage is one of the Sacraments. If all you ever do is get married, love your wife until death do you part, and raise your children in such a way that they enthusiastically cling to the Catholic Church throughout their lives and are open to vocations–you will have done extremely well.

Remember what James 1: 27 says–Religion that is pure and undefiled before God, the Father, is this: to care for orphans and widows in their distress, and to keep oneself unstained by the world.

In the book, “Little Men,” by Louisa May Alcott, when Mr. John Brooke dies young, the boys are told, “Simple genuine goodness is the best capital to found the business of this life upon.”


That was Beatiful worded and I agree with you 100%. I will make sure to be an excellent husband and father. I’m just looking for a secondary vocation/role that I can do in addition to my vocation of marriage. However let’s say I never find a secondary vocation/role, I would still be very happy because I was still a husband and father. Again excellently worded. :heart:


Your Diocese will have sessions for those men thinking about the Deaconate. You could call the Vocations office and speak with them. In many places in the US, a volunteer (lay or Deacon) who speaks both English AND Spanish is a huge blessing. If you are not bilingual, consider learning Spanish.

A man (again, lay or Deacon) who is willing to volunteer with the youth group or with Religious Ed/CCD/FF is always needed. Many young people do not have a good Catholic male role model in their lives.


I don’t think you can really know what you will be able to do until you actually have a wife and children. My husband is/was a knight but cannot be active because he fills what time he has left (after work) with family time.

As the children age we have added minimal obligations outside the home because we need to reserve that time together.

Homework, housework, children’s activities, church and it’s activities, feeding our own relationship and those with extended family, exercise… It takes time and deciding how to prioritize the time you have is something that spouses need to figure out together and over time.

Right now, all you can do is continue to be involved in things that enrich your spirit knowing and accepting that it will change as your situation changes.


I completely agree.

OP you’re getting way ahead of yourself. You aren’t married yet and coming up with all kinds of plans and expectations is a bit premature.

My husband has three daughters that keep his hands full everyday. We are really busy and still planning our family for the possibility of more.

He has some extracurricular activities I’m okay with. Men of St. Joesephs and our parish council…when he has time. He’s also still active duty military.

The military is his career…everything else “extra” came about as time went on. He didn’t plan it…in fact, when we had three kids, three and under, we were barely keeping our actual vocations as parents and being a married couple together.

You’ll find when you have several kids…aged newborn to toddler and…surprise! Another, on the way…everything else disappears and your just holding on tight to what you have.

If your vocation is to get married and have kids…great! Focus on that first and last and everything in between. If you can do more and your future wife is okay…then work on something else.

One thing at a time.


You are right. It’s just that I have a strong desire to serve my church and my community in addition to my future wife and children. That double desire makes me kinda be a bit impatient to what I pray will come one day, but you are right. I need to focus on finishing college (which I will do in 9 more months) and finding my wife. Then afterwards what I can do for the church and community. Wonderful advice. Thank you :heart:


You are right I need wait until having a wife and children before I figure how I can serve the church.


That’s very good to know and yes I’m bilingual I’m actually going to write down what you said. :slightly_smiling_face:


This topic was automatically closed 14 days after the last reply. New replies are no longer allowed.

DISCLAIMER: The views and opinions expressed in these forums do not necessarily reflect those of Catholic Answers. For official apologetics resources please visit