Marriage and name changes


#1

Women seem to be doing a variety of things with their names these days when we get married. Having recently married a wonderful man, I am curious about what other women do with their names, as I am running into difficulty with offices of an official nature when it comes to changing mine. I don’t think I’m odd, wanting to make my maiden name a part of my middle name when I change my last name to match my husband’s. I got the idea from my mother, who did this a certain number of year ago when she married my dad (with no interference from anyone, I might add). She simply went to the proper places, showed her marriage certificate, and made the changes. I, on the other hand, am discovering that in the present time, it may be necessary to get a court order! Very inconvenient.

So, my question for all of you married folks out there is, ladies, what did you do with your name, and did the process cause you any headaches? (Men: what did your wives do?)


#2

It has always been the custom in our family, both sides, for women to take their maiden name as a middle name after marriage. Mary Sue Smith marries Bob Jones and becomes Mary Smith Jones. I got married late 60s under a lot of pressure to keep my maiden name, but my rejoinder was, if the choice is keeping the name that defines me as a my father’s chattel, or assuming a name that marks me as my husband’s chattel, then it doesn’t much matter so I will go with convenience.


#3

I took my dh’s name, but quite honestly I wish I would have used my maiden name hyphenated with his last name. The reasons being, my father only had 3 girls and no one to carry out the namesake. Now my father has passed away and I don’t even have his name. But one thing, I have my father in my heart forever. If it is important to you, do whatever it takes now because it will more than likely only get tougher.


#4

I took my husband’s last name and changed my middle name to my maiden name. However, I still use my maiden name at work.


#5

I kind of wish I had done the same, or kept my maiden name legally but used my married name socially. I am an only child, so the only chance to pass down my father’s name, and it is also an obviously ethnic name that I was quite proud to have. But, my husband really wanted us to share a name, so there you have it.


#6

I took my husbands last name and use my maiden name as my middle initial – it’s what my mom did, and my sister before me. I didn’t know there were options, to be quite honest…LOL – I love my married name, and it looks so much nicer written than it used to (my middle initial is B, and my last name was M…you can imagine…LOL!)


#7

WIth my 1st marriage I just took my husbands last name…totally dropped my maiden name.
When we got divorced I kept his last name as I had a small child from this marriage…much to my ex’s mothers disliking
I got remarried and took my new husbands last name,actually added it on to my first husbands last name…why…well there are minor kids from both marriages and they both live with me…makes it easier when we travel and with the schools.


#8

as a video editor i list my maiden name on the credits of any project but i use my my married name everywhere else:)


#9

Took my husband’s last name and was very happy to do so.


#10

I would have never married a woman who wouldn’t take my name. I don’t care if she would have been perfect in every other way.

And she took it with great joy and thanksgiving.


#11

I think it is special to take a husband’s name and it is what I want to do…

BUT… then I really like my family’s name and it is ethnic, and also very rare.

I feel as if I have built the beginnings of a career on my name and I’m not sure how I would go about changing it, or even if I want to.

This seemingly trivial thing could cause me a lot of sweating! lol

:smiley:

Has anyone continued to use their maiden name for their career (e.g. politics, pen name) AND also taken their husband’s name?


#12

I was intensley proud of who I was as an individual.
I worked hard to become that person.
I was not going to change my name to one I had not yet earned.
So, even though my husband didn’t like the idea, I did not give up my last name.

With my husband I have grown immensely as an individual.
I am no longer just the person I had been. But,also, I am not just my husband’s wife.

It is the right thing for me to use both last names, distinctly not hyphenated.
It identifies me - where I have come from and the path along which I have grown.

My full name (first,middle,maiden name, married name) describes me best - and I use it whenever possible.

Go with Love, Go with God!


#13

I have only given two ultimatums in the 12 years my wife and I have been together.

The first was to get married, or break up. We were living together for about a year and a half. I told her I wanted to get married and that I didn’t want to find out 5 years later that I had wasted all that time if she was going to decide she didn’t want marriage also (kinda backwards huh?)

She agreed to marry me (obviously). During our engagement she mentioned she wanted to keep her last name. I told her not changing her name was a deal breaker for me. I just haven’t seen marriage work where the woman hyphenated or kept her last name (not saying there aren’t these marriages that have worked, I just haven’t seen them).

I just seems to me that not changing the name is like putting a toe in the water instead of diving in. It just isn’t fully committing.

It’s also tradition and as catholics, we know there are valid reasons for lasting traditions even if we don’t understand them. This one works.


#14

A lot of it is a matter of culture…
I have a lot of hispanic friends who either hyphenate or simply keep their maiden names out of tradation… even if they marry a non-hispanic husband…

ANYWAY… since it’s MY tradition to go ahead and change last names… that’s what I did! :smiley:
One of my grandmothers dropped her middle name for her maiden name…
But my other grandmother and my own mother kept their middle names and just dropped their maiden name…

Either way… it’s a matter of honoring your own parents, right? I just really like my middle name, so I wanted to keep it!
Plus, my parents CHOOSE that name for me (they didn’t choose my maiden last name… it was just passed on, kwim?)…

Neat discussion!


#15

Usually this is a cultural tradition…
Many hispanic cultures either hyphenate or keep maiden last names due to culture… and hispanics are mostly Catholic too! :wink:


#16

I dropped my maiden name all together, kept my middle and took my husbands last name.


#17

In some cultures, men take the women’s name so I wouldn’t link traditions about married names with Church traditions. I kept my maiden name at work and use my married name everywhere. I hate to say it, but I really, really, really, don’t like my husband’s last name. It actually rimes with a swear word and so many times when I say it over the phone people stop and ask, did you say ***? And it’s often misseplled the inappropriate way.


#18

I kept the same name. I was 30 years old and really didn’t feel like changing it. I figured if he didn’t have to change his, then I wasn’t going to change mine. Besides I already had a professional reputation with my name.


#19

I kept my name. Quite honestly, I saw no reason to change it. My husband didn’t care either way. However, our kids–God willing–will have his name.

Originally posted by Semperjase:
I just seems to me that not changing the name is like putting a toe in the water instead of diving in. It just isn’t fully committing.

I think you could also look at this from the other point of view. If you’re not willing to compromise on various things, is there full commitment? While I’m responding to your point, SemperJase, I don’t mean you specifically. I’m sure you and your wife have compromised many times in your marriage. For us, my not changing my name wasn’t a deal breaker, it was just a compromise we agreed on.


#20

I took my husband’s last name, quite reluctantly. It is an absolutely awful last name and I HATE it. Whenever I tell my name to people, they do a double take and look at me with their mouths agape. All I can say is, “Yeah, I thought the same thing too when I first heard it.”

Ugh.

But I love him and that was just the “thing to do” in my family - to take the husband’s last name. So I did it.

My middle name is not my maiden name.


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