Marriage and Parenthood equals martyrdom according to my priest


#1

According to my priest marriage and parenthood is a life of martyrdom. He said that people think that priests have a lonely life but that after being a priest all these years and counseling married couples and seeing their travails, he’s convinced that it’s a life of martrydom. I’m inclined to agree. What makes us want to undertake this life of suffering? He says that being a priest is a great life!


#2

We don’t choose our vocation, God gives it to us! It’s the way He prepares us for Heaven. Which Saint didn’t have suffering in his or her life? :slight_smile:


#3

But a life of martyrdom can lead to sanctity, and thus, heaven!

That’s what it’s all about. (Sometimes it really is just the Hokey Pokey, though!:stuck_out_tongue: )

Dying to self = living in Christ. :thumbsup:


#4

Well, perhaps there is some martyrdom in every life–at least every life well lived, since martyrdom means dying to self. But then, maybe he’s only seen the really troubled marriages, not the great ones!


#5

That was what I was going to mention… it seems like this priest’s only exposure into true family relationships is when he’s counseling troubled marriages… :rolleyes:
Yes, dying to self is living for Christ, but it doesn’t always have to be painful.


#6

Exactly! Sometimes it is truly an exquisite JOY! (Besides, is a martyr really a martyr if s/he isn’t willing to die?):stuck_out_tongue:


#7

What makes us want to undertake this life of suffering?

Shotguns?:wink:


#8

Sorry to post… but I’m so proud of myself… I actually GOT THAT ONE! HAHA! :smiley:

That’s a rarity!

You are now free to proceed on with the purpose of this thread…


#9

I think my priest views martrydom a noble thing to offer to God. He told me that he feels sorry for the young people who he marries because they don’t know what a martrydom they are getting into.

People are physically attracted and ruled by their sexual instincts. It’s such a strong need to mate and have children that we are slaves to our desires and martyr ourselves on the altar of the sacrament of marriage. St Paul advised us that we are better to stay unmarried, didn’t he. He was probably trying to protect people from the misery that marriage entails. He also advised widows not to remarry if they could help it. Smart advise, St Paul!


#10

But marriage offers such great joys too! We grow as people, in God, and in love through marriage and parenting. Too many (certainly, not all) people who never marry or who marry but choose not to have children are closed and undeveloped emotionally. Marriage and parenting forces us to give of ourselves and to let go of the selfishness. And through that giving selflessly we know real love.


#11

#12

Ha ha, that’s pretty funny to say that! I think it depends on who you’re married to. My wife makes my life better!


#13

Wow… you sound a little disgruntled about marriage!
If you really think "people are physically attracted and ruled by their sexual instincts… and a strong need to mate and have children… ", then you probably need to address some deeper issues before discussing marriage with anyone! :rolleyes:


#14

yeah, I’d really like to “martyr” my husband sometimes.

just kidding… or am I?:wink:


#15

A few passages from the old rite of marriage sum up pretty well the uncertainty,

This union then is most serious, because it will bind you together for life in a relationship so close and so intimate that it will profoundly influence your whole future. That future, with its hopes and disappointments, its successes and its failures, its pleasures and its pains, its joys and its sorrows, is hidden from your eyes. You know that these elements are mingled in every life and are to be expected in your own. And so, not knowing what is before you, you take each other for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death.
As well as the joy:
No greater blessing can come to your married life than pure conjugal love, loyal and true to the end. May then, this love with which you join your hands and hearts today never fail, but grow deeper and stronger as the years go on. And if true love and the unselfish spirit of perfect sacrifice guide your every action, you can expect the greatest measure of earthly happiness that may be allotted to man in this vale of tears. The rest is in the hands of God. Nor will God be wanting to your needs; he will pledge you the life-long support of his grace in the holy sacrament you are now going to receive.

This little exhortation or instruction used to be read to the parties by the priest just before the exchange of vows. It went through a few minor revisions over the years. Perhaps it should be revived. On the other hand, a 50% divorce rate would seem to make a mockery of this little exhortation.

I found a copy of it here


#16

Thank you for posting this…I’m going to print it off and share it with my husband.


#17

Hi, I don’t think that’s a very nice response to roll your eyes like that. Why don’t you try and refrain from doing that from now on.

There’s no doubt that our sexual instincts are a major drive in our lives that motivate us for better or worse. I don’t think making that statement means that I need therapy, as you seem to insinuate here.


#18

Okay, I apologize. I did not mean to insinuate that.

But I do believe your statement is based on a very naive view of the sacrament of marriage. I mean… let’s read your post again…

According to my priest marriage and parenthood is a life of martyrdom. He said that people think that priests have a lonely life but that after being a priest all these years and counseling married couples and seeing their travails, he’s convinced that it’s a life of martrydom. I’m inclined to agree. What makes us want to undertake this life of suffering? He says that being a priest is a great life!

Okay,

  1. “according to your priest” who isn’t married, BTW… he’s only dealt with counseling troubled marriages. Sounds like he is happy as a priest… that’s wonderful! But he most likely didn’t go into the priesthood based on a disdain for married life.

  2. “life of suffering” isn’t the case for strong holy marriages.

I couldn’t imagine greater happiness than I’ve experienced in marriage!.. :smiley:


#19

Well, after his wife of many years (Mary Livingstone) had died, Jack Benny was asked whether, during his long marriage (noted to be unusual in show biz), he, or his wife, had ever considered divorce. Without hesitation he replied that they honestly never had. Murder, yes, but never divorce.

Hyperbolic, I suspect, but there certainly is some dying to one’s self involved in marriaqge – if one is serious about it and is committed to building it. And calling that a species of martyrdom is not stretching the point a whole lot.

Certainly, the image of martyrdom has much more to contribute to an understanding of the nature of marriage than the modern pop-psychology nonsense about mutual self-fulfilment. Marriage is about mutualism, not symbiosis.

Blessings,

Gerry


#20

Gerry Hunter, I think your post reflects what my thinking was. I thinking martyrdom is more accurate than the current pop romantic notions.

Emily in Florida, I accept your apology, thank you. I’m not sure if I’m naive, since I have vast experience in marriage and quite a large family, and that was one thing I was discussing with the priest. My marital experiences are not anything extraordinarly horrible, and my children are probably above average. Yet marriage and children are huge emotional and physical burdens to bear.


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