[quote="missyfatcat, post:1, topic:201602"]
I used to listen to Dr. Laura and remember her telling someone that she opens her husbands mail and he has a right to open hers. As I recall, her attitude is that once two people are married to each other, it's like a "what's hers is his and what's his is hers". "There is no me" in marriage.
Taking that same thought, should that apply to access to each other's computers, files, passwords, accounts?
Of course, there is the argument of trust, but do or should spouses have the right to access? Should a wife have access to her husband's internet accounts, i.e. ebay, paypal, savings, etc and vice versa with the husband having access to hers?
What do you think?
My fiancee and I have "territorial disputes" like this, and its understandable. But insanity will result if we meld too much of our lives together that way. Couples need to keep some of their individuality or they might have problems down the road. There is some "me" in a marriage, but not at the expense of the other.
It's best to leave mail personally addressed to someone else as unopened. When it comes to known bills or other correspondence, we should jointly open them as per our roles (my fiancee as my wife will likely do the budget while I set up the bill payments).
When it comes to electronic forms of communication, that's trickier for me, especially as a computer tech and the administrator of every device in my home. When possible, I recommend that families with a single computer have separate login accounts for privacy (or, at least, a sense of privacy) as well as security. The security part is key: Most people get their Windows or Mac computer and use only the administrator accounts--that's potentially bad because such accounts can do anything and install or change anything, leaving serious issues with the computer later. For me, I use the admin account but make standard accounts for the wife and kid.
Having separate accounts (and adjusting a computer's account settings to auto-logout after 1 hour of inactivity) should keep borders.
I don't like having to administer all sorts of separate email and other accounts. If the person in the household can set up and maintain what they need, great. Otherwise, I don't assist much. This allows a person to define their own space on their own terms. Except for critical tools that allow emergency location of a person using their cell phone (Apple's "Find my iPhone" is great here), sharing accounts and passwords defeat the reason why one needs them.