Marriage Blessing


#1

Alright so 10 years ago we were refused marriage in the Catholic Church due to a baby on the way. So we married by a Lutheran minster but it always bother my catholic husband we werent married in the church. After we married I convert to CC and we have rised our children in the CC.

So because this hasz bother him we met with our priest and he was more than happy to bless our marriage. I was told is was a blessing - so I thought it would be short and quick. However, it turned out we had to have witness and it was a complete redo!! Along with the priest referring to our civil marriage now becoming religious marriage I found very upsetting!

So clearly the vows I took in a church with a minister, family, and friends 10 years ago didn't mean anything but the random saturday we have our "redo" now means everything??? And the vows are now more meaningful, along with the vows because it's a CC church??

I feel like I don't any a wedding ann - and frankly standing up there admitted the first wasn't vows "weren't good enough" which I have put my everything into the last 10 years but after that saturday - I seriously could care less. My husband (now legally and spiritually) said it seems I've really check out and I couldn't agrue against it. I figure he
Can put as much effort into our now CC marriage as I did in our Lutheran marriage - that admit our marriage (to him) now feels whole and in grace of God.

I could rant on- but I have noticed a lot of converts on this site so has anyone else struggled with is?? How did you come to peace with it?


#2

The difference is that marriage in the Catholic Church is a SACRAMENT.

1116
Sacraments are "powers that comes forth" from the Body of Christ, which is ever-living and life-giving. They are actions of the Holy Spirit at work in his Body, the Church. They are "the masterworks of God" in the new and everlasting covenant.

I wonder... what was your RCIA faith formation like? Weren't these discussed in your classes??? :shrug:


#3

[quote="Catholic38, post:1, topic:239575"]
Alright so 10 years ago we were refused marriage in the Catholic Church due to a baby on the way. So we married by a Lutheran minster but it always bother my catholic husband we werent married in the church. After we married I convert to CC and we have rised our children in the CC.

So because this hasz bother him we met with our priest and he was more than happy to bless our marriage. I was told is was a blessing - so I thought it would be short and quick. However, it turned out we had to have witness and it was a complete redo!! Along with the priest referring to our civil marriage now becoming religious marriage I found very upsetting!

So clearly the vows I took in a church with a minister, family, and friends 10 years ago didn't mean anything but the random saturday we have our "redo" now means everything??? And the vows are now more meaningful, along with the vows because it's a CC church??

I feel like I don't any a wedding ann - and frankly standing up there admitted the first wasn't vows "weren't good enough" which I have put my everything into the last 10 years but after that saturday - I seriously could care less. My husband (now legally and spiritually) said it seems I've really check out and I couldn't agrue against it. I figure he
Can put as much effort into our now CC marriage as I did in our Lutheran marriage - that admit our marriage (to him) now feels whole and in grace of God.

I could rant on- but I have noticed a lot of converts on this site so has anyone else struggled with is?? How did you come to peace with it?

[/quote]

I understand you are angry.
I think your husband had the duty of knowing 10 years ago that he as a Catholic is bound by canon law and therefore cannot marry a Protestant, or without the right form, without first getting a dispensation. After getting a dispensation he could have gotten married to you validly and sacramentally, pregnant or not.
The Catholic Church is not against marrying people who are pregnant.
Now you say you are Catholic, so I advice you to study the Church's doctrines on marriage and validity..
No one has wronged you, I assure you, but someone hasn't done their homework. Excuse me for being frank.


#4

Dear sister… It’s baptism that makes the Sacrament. That means that if the OP had validly married, she would have been in a sacramental marriage these 10 years.
When two baptised people are married, it makes a Sacrament.
The problem is that the Catholic person in this case should have known that he is bound by the Church needs a dispensation in order to validly marry a non-Catholic and without canonical form (I assume).


#5

I’m sorry you feel like this. We weren’t married in the Catholic church either, but had a wonderfully large Protestant wedding. DH was a cradle Catholic, but fell away from the church because of me:( About 3 years later it was on both of our hearts to have our marriage blessed in the Church. I wasn’t Catholic yet, but it still was important to me. It was beautiful. DH’s entire family came! My in-laws had a reception for us, we were given wedding gifts! I was amazed! We still celebrate our first anniversary. That was the day we became man and wife, nothing is going to change that, but the second day is very special to us as well since that is the day we received a Sacrament in the Catholic church, it wasn’t a “redo” but an addition to make our marriage more whole! I didn’t become Catholic for another 3 years, but this day was a special stepping stone in the process!


#6

I understand that… but the post was vague… “civil marriage” and “by a Lutheran minister” were both stated…
So that’s what I was going off of… :wink:


#7

[quote="GraceDK, post:3, topic:239575"]
I understand you are angry.
I think your husband had the duty of knowing 10 years ago that he as a Catholic is bound by canon law and therefore cannot marry a Protestant, or without the right form, without first getting a dispensation. After getting a dispensation he could have gotten married to you validly and sacramentally, pregnant or not.
The Catholic Church is not against marrying people who are pregnant.
Now you say you are Catholic, so I advice you to study the Church's doctrines on marriage and validity..
No one has wronged you, I assure you, but someone hasn't done their homework. Excuse me for being frank.

[/quote]

I will admit I didn't do my homework - busy with 4 kids and grad school I just trusted my husband wouldn't wrong me or do anything to degrade our marriage.

Us getting married wasn't going to happen in CC - to get permission to marry Lutheran where we lived took having land that the bishop could hunt on and being poor college students we didnt have that so it wasn't going to happen. Then our priest we went to refused to even consider us getting marry b/c I was pg and he felt we had sinned to greatly to ever enter into marriage. Even though we had remorse and I know DH went to confession about the matter.

I understand the canon law behind a Catholic marrying in the CC but had I read the actual ceremony I know I wouldn't have constented. I believed my vows in a Lutheran church were spiritual and in the eyes of God - still don't feel better about the matter or my marriage for that matter....


#8

At this point it sounds as though you should consider some marriage counseling.


#9

My RCIA class were weak at best. We didn’t hit any of the hard issues it was mainly surface stuff.


#10

Assuming that your characterization of the bishop’s and priest’s actions is accurate, these men were not following Catholic teaching, and were not properly fulfilling their proper roles as pastors – not by a long shot. I hope that you won’t hold their failings against the church as a whole, which by the way has many great bishops and priests who don’t behave the way that you say these two did.


#11

[quote="Catholic38, post:7, topic:239575"]

Us getting married wasn't going to happen in CC - to get permission to marry Lutheran where we lived took having land that the bishop could hunt on and being poor college students we didnt have that so it wasn't going to happen. Then our priest we went to refused to even consider us getting marry b/c I was pg and he felt we had sinned to greatly to ever enter into marriage. Even though we had remorse and I know DH went to confession about the matter.

[/quote]

Actually, though I disagree with the priest's actions here, he was likely simply following protocol in his diocese. It has become commonplace for priests to be required to refuse to marry couples who are expecting a baby until AFTER the baby is born. This is so that later on the couple cannot petition for a declaration of nullity on the grounds that they "felt pressured into getting married because they had a baby on the way". :rolleyes: It would have nothing to do with the priest's opinion on the gravity of your sin. Fornication, though a mortal sin, is a fairly common one, and I am quite sure that the priest has absolved it in the past.


#12

Because your husband was Catholic at the time of your marriage he (not you) was obligated to obey Catholic laws on marriage, which he did not. So the marriage was not valid. Now you are convalidating the marriage. It is not a blessing, it is the sacrament of matrimony. He made the choice, he separated himself from the sacraments, but because it is marriage you also were affected. This should have been explained to you at the time you first expressed interest in becoming Catholic, and actually your husband should have taken the step much earlier. When you prepared for convalidation it should have been explained to you, you have every right to that knowledge, so keep asking questions.

Here is the good part. Now both of you are fully reconciled with Christ and his Church and now have access to all the other sacraments especially the Eucharist. Being separated from Eucharist is worse than death for a Catholic. Watch out because your family will be inundated with graces flowing from Christ’s sacraments. Great things are happening, and great joy is in store for you.

You also have a right to a full explanation of why the priest counselled you to delay marrying while you were pregnant (he did not deny the sacrament, he delayed it). He has the duty to assure the union is valid, without any pressure or element of force, which an pregnancy certainly can be. He was protecting you.

Yes your vows mean what they always did but now they are brought fully into harmony with Christ’s plan for your.


#13

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