Marriage convalidation.


#1

I started a thread last year before I even thought about converting and posted another question in the same thread and it was closed for some reason. So I guess that means I was supposed to open a new thread.

This is what happened. I was asked to be a Godparent and since I was baptized and practicing as a Baptist I came here looking for answers of what that meant. I learnt so much here and decided to take RCIA just to learn more. I ended up converting and confirmed last Easter.

Even though my husband was born catholic he has shown no interest in getting back into the church. We were married in civil court. I didn’t know the least bit about the marriage sacrament in the Catholic church and our marriage was valid in my religion.

During RCIA I explained everything. There is no way possible to learn everything in a year. I asked if I should have my marriage blessed before I was confirmed and was told that I should finish RCIA and worry about that next. Being told that by the people who were there to teach me was good enough for me. Yeahhhh, but the more I learn the more I know how very wrong that seems now. How was I aloud to take communion if I was still in an invalid marriage? I wish that question came sooner. Now I’m feeling worse than before. I’ve been committing sins since last Easter. So since my husband isn’t practicing he is beyond angry when I say we should live as brother and sister until we have our marriage blessed.

We have a appt with the persist in 2 Monday’s but I want to know what is SUpPOSE to happen. It’s the same church and priest that confirmed me knowing my situation. I feel a little cheated because I should have been told that before. Even in confession before confirmation I told another priest the same thing and was never told to live as brother and sister and continuing living as husband and wife was a sin.

I thought this would bring my husband closer to his religion. I was wrong. Now…I know he will go through the blessing for me but I know his intention right now is not to be in the church. I’m trying without being pushy but the more I talk about church and God the more he says “if there were a God…”.

What is the correct way to go about this? I know every situation is different but like I said the same priest I have an appt with is the one who confirmed me knowing my situation. :frowning:


#2

It is possible to go to a different priest if it is bothering you, and also some of the priests are not experts in these matters so they must rely on the Chancery office to guide them. When I have read of this situation before on this forum, there has been conflict over the promise to raise any children in the Catholic Church.

Since convalidation is a new marriage, both spouses must believe that their marriage was invalid. In the case where only one does, new consent cannot be given, so the retroactive convalidation ( a.k.a., radical sanation) is the only option.

In this case, a dispensation for disparity of cult and permission for mixed marriage would have to be added to the convalidation (as a precaution).

So then canon 1125 must be observed, in this case: the actively Catholic party declares his or her desire to continue the practice of the faith, the actively Catholic party promises to do everything possible to have all the children baptized and raised as Catholics, the inactive-Catholic party is informed of the Catholic declaration and promise, and both parties are instructed on the essential ends and properties of marriage.


#3

My wife and I are in the same boat. We are having our marriage convalidated on Oct. 26th!

In my wife’s case (and yours I guess), she was fine within the church’s eyes because she was not Catholic when we married. I was the one living in sin. We spoke to our priest a month ago and he saw that we were faithful church-goers and raising our kids in the faith and told me I was allowed to continue receiving communion etc., but to get the marriage blessed as soon as we could. We had to fill out some papers and we had the Priest over for supper one night and set up all the details. It was no problem and actually a lot of fun!

Best of luck to you and you will both be in my prayers!


#4

[quote="omegapd, post:3, topic:302502"]
My wife and I are in the same boat. We are having our marriage convalidated on Oct. 26th!

In my wife's case (and yours I guess), she was fine within the church's eyes because she was not Catholic when we married. I was the one living in sin. We spoke to our priest a month ago and he saw that we were faithful church-goers and raising our kids in the faith and told me I was allowed to continue receiving communion etc., but to get the marriage blessed as soon as we could. We had to fill out some papers and we had the Priest over for supper one night and set up all the details. It was no problem and actually a lot of fun!

Best of luck to you and you will both be in my prayers!

[/quote]

Congratulations. How exciting. This is almost what I was speaking of. So many people say until the marriage is in fact convalidated then we should live as brother and sister. Did your priest recommend that to you and your wife? Because mine hasn't.


#5

[quote="Vico, post:2, topic:302502"]
It is possible to go to a different priest if it is bothering you, and also some of the priests are not experts in these matters so they must rely on the Chancery office to guide them. When I have read of this situation before on this forum, there has been conflict over the promise to raise any children in the Catholic Church.

Since convalidation is a new marriage, both spouses must believe that their marriage was invalid. In the case where only one does, new consent cannot be given, so the retroactive convalidation ( a.k.a., radical sanation) is the only option.

In this case, a dispensation for disparity of cult and permission for mixed marriage would have to be added to the convalidation (as a precaution).

So then canon 1125 must be observed, in this case: the actively Catholic party declares his or her desire to continue the practice of the faith, the actively Catholic party promises to do everything possible to have all the children baptized and raised as Catholics, the inactive-Catholic party is informed of the Catholic declaration and promise, and both parties are instructed on the essential ends and properties of marriage.

[/quote]

Thank you!

My children attend mass with me. My husband doesn't go although he agrees that they should be baptized catholic. They will start classes next year. His faith is hard to explain. He is into the tradition aspect. He was born and raised in Mexico. He confuses me greatly. For example.....we have a little girl with disabilities. He says things like "where was God". He says there's no time for mass but he finds time for hobbies. But when his family wants to have prayers for friends or family that has passed he is the fist there. Christmas traditions of prayers. I guess my frustration is that when we meet with the priest I will not feel comfortable telling all this to him in front of my husband. I don't want to put him on the spot. And what would our situation even be called. My husband considers hisself catholic (although we know he's not practicing). He is very much macho. I'm just so confused. I asked to meet with the preist first alone to explain the situation but he said he needs us both to be there. I know in order to protect my husbands feelings I will hold back.


#6

I think you will be fine, because the priest will ask any necessary questions. He needs you both to decide how to proceed.


#7

[quote="caseyb27, post:1, topic:302502"]
We have a appt with the persist in 2 Monday's but I want to know what is SUpPOSE to happen. It's the same church and priest that confirmed me knowing my situation. I feel a little cheated because I should have been told that before. Even in confession before confirmation I told another priest the same thing and was never told to live as brother and sister and continuing living as husband and wife was a sin.

I thought this would bring my husband closer to his religion. I was wrong. Now....I know he will go through the blessing for me

[/quote]

This is the important thing. Focus on this.

but I know his intention right now is not to be in the church.

That part is between him and God.

I'm trying without being pushy but the more I talk about church and God the more he says "if there were a God...".

Pray for him, but don't bother him about his relationship with God, and don't try to convert him. The best thing for your marriage will be to love him exactly as he is, without putting any expectations on him to change.

What is the correct way to go about this? I know every situation is different but like I said the same priest I have an appt with is the one who confirmed me knowing my situation. :(

Be thankful that he is willing, for your sake, to go through the process with you. Do everything that the priest tells you to do, and be on top of it - don't let any piece of paper spend the night at your house - when it arrives in the morning mail, fill it out and send it again by the evening mail. This will speed the process along and make it as painless as possible for your husband. Meanwhile, do everything you can to strengthen your relationship with your husband - that is the most important thing.


#8

Thank you. I guess more than anything I am afraid we will be denied the convalidation. Before converting this wasn’t an issue because my marriage was valid to me.

I’m not very patient so I will defiantly get any forms out the same day.

I would like to go in educated so I can feel certain and assured.

What would our situation call for? A convalidation or radical sanation (sp)? The more I read about those the more I get confused.


#9

In my opinion, this advice is the best given.
Don’t worry too much about labeling your particular situation, your priest is the best one to do this and he’ll proceed accordingly. There are some very knowledgeable people on this forum and I think Vico is one of them. But in the end, it will be the priest that will be able to sort your situation out.Best of Luck.


#10

[quote="caseyb27, post:8, topic:302502"]
Thank you. I guess more than anything I am afraid we will be denied the convalidation. Before converting this wasn't an issue because my marriage was valid to me.

[/quote]

There is no reason to be concerned. If neither of you has a prior marriage, the convalidation is a simple matter.

[quote="caseyb27, post:8, topic:302502"]

What would our situation call for? A convalidation or radical sanation (sp)? The more I read about those the more I get confused.

[/quote]

Either.

PLEASE talk to your priest. This is NOT the right place, there are many people who are well meaning but not well versed in Catholic marriage law who post on here and you are likley to get inaccurate information.


#11

[quote="1ke, post:10, topic:302502"]
There is no reason to be concerned. If neither of you has a prior marriage, the convalidation is a simple matter.

Either.

PLEASE talk to your priest. This is NOT the right place, there are many people who are well meaning but not well versed in Catholic marriage law who post on here and you are likley to get inaccurate information.

[/quote]

Will do! I guess I'm just anxious. And afraid that converting could cause my marriage more bad than good. I will pray that my husband will understand why it is important we live as brother and sister until we receive the marriage sacrament. Maybe when he speaks to the preist he will better understand and accept things. :) thank you again everybody.


#12

Very similar situation here too. We are having our convalidation on November 3rd and it can't come soon enough! We were kind of disappointed that no one told my husband when he went through RCIA 4+ years ago. We would have done it then had we known. But I think God's timing is right on. We are getting a lot out of the process and really strengthening our faith. We have been to Reconciliation and are now receiving the Eucharist while we wait for our convalidation.


#13

[quote="1ke, post:10, topic:302502"]

PLEASE talk to your priest. This is NOT the right place, there are many people who are well meaning but not well versed in Catholic marriage law who post on here and you are likley to get inaccurate information.

[/quote]

:thumbsup:


#14

Thank you for sharing your story. May I ask what reconciliation is?


#15

[quote="caseyb27, post:14, topic:302502"]
Thank you for sharing your story. May I ask what reconciliation is?

[/quote]

Confession with the priest.


#16

Thank you. That makes sense. I’ve never heard it referred to that.


closed #17

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