Marriage couple staying with parents/ in-laws


#1

In a secular society's forum, some of the people are against it. Their reason is "no personal space".
But what is your stand on it? Would you allow your parents or in-laws to stay together with you?

For me, I would love to take care of them.


#2

No. I like a lot of privacy and time alone. I could not stand having another adult couple living in our house. What is the old saying. Company and fish stink after 3 days. And, as horrible as it sounds I've told my parents they better have a plan for their old age because they are not living with me. I am just not the guy who can do that with success on any level.


#3

My mother-in-law, a widow, has lived with us for over ten years. With that experience, I will say this: it has been wonderful having my husband’s mother live with us. It has been especially great for her and our kids. Even though it has taken some give and take on both sides, I would do it all over again in a heartbeat.

Now that she is getting frail and given up driving, it is actually less intrusive on her life for us to be able to take care of her here. We do have a fairly large house, though, so that we can all choose to withdraw to our own space when we need to. She also lived very nearby, so she didn’t have to give up her friends to live with us. Actually, she is closer to most of them here than before she moved. You also have to take what there is and not force what is not there. My MIL is a dear, we discuss quite a few things, but we are not each other’s close confidants. In theory, that could work for some, but it did just did not work out that way for us. You have to be able to let that kind of thing go.

It also depends a lot on the personalities involved. I don’t think I could live with my own mom, I don’t think my dad could stand living with me, unless it were literally a choice between me and a nursing home, and I don’t think my husband could have coped living with his dad. I know my husband’s dad would have gone nuts, had he had to live with my husband’s paternal grandmother. It would have been very ugly. Certainly having one parent move in would also be a lot easier than if it is a couple. That quadruples the dynamics to be navigated.

Have them as guests for a week. If the fit isn’t very good, be very concerned. It is great when it works, but it isn’t for everybody. But if you think you’d like it, invite them to consider it. If they don’t want to, though, do not take it personally. They really should have room to decline without hard feelings. There aren’t a lot of people who are well-suited to be the roommates of the people they raised!

PS We lived with my MIL in her house for over a year before moving to our present house. It was after a few months of living in those close quarters that the three of us decided this could work out quite nicely…and had those first months not worked out, we would have moved to the new place and she would have stayed where she was or gotten herself another place. If it is possible, then, a built-in “no fault exit strategy” is the ideal.


#4

Marriage couple staying with parents/ in-laws.

Who is staying with whom? http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v313/ponyguy/thinking.gif

Some young couples can live with their parents until they can get settled and find their own home, if that was your question…

And when parents get older and need help, there are many ways to work around the problems… sometimes children can provide a “Mother-In-Law apartment” in their basement or some similar sort of arrangement. Rarely does it work out that a young couple can deal with a parent or two living in the same household.

***“There is no house large enough to house two families.” ***


#5

My brother has Down's Syndrome. When each other my siblings got married, we had already discussed with our spouses that he will come to one or all of us at some time. Obviously not a parent, but an adult just the same.

I would be completely happy to have my parents come live with me. It would be crazy for a bit, and we would get on each other nerves probably, but I would rather have them with me than at a home. I don't know about my husband's parents. I just asked him and he said, "No." So there you go. He said my parents could "probably" work out.:p


#6

First of all, the married couple should be married for a while by themselves before bringing anybody to live with them. Newly married couples need to be married by themselves for a while.

That being said, I could deal with my father living with me but I could not put up wtih my step-mother for any amount of time.


#7

Depends upon all the details surrounding the situation that would lead to this conculsion. We stayed with my mom for about six months while we were transitioning from military life to civilian life. And if my mom needed someone to care for her, I certainly would open up my home to her as well.

Not so sure about my inlaws though, because there are a lot of trust issues, or lack there of, that would make me look at that decision a little bit more thoroughly.


#8

Hubby, Bean, and I are currently living with Hubby’s parents. We moved in right around the time I got pregnant, and we’re now starting to look at setting a date to get a place of our own.

The reason we moved in was because I lost my job as a teacher, and when I got pregnant, we became committed to my being a work-at-home mom. Hubby started a new job, and we’ve been working on paying off some of our debts.

There have been times it’s been a bit awkward, of course, but I’m very thankful to have been here during my (somewhat difficult) pregnancy, and in Bean’s first year of life. We’ve had incredible support from his parents, and I didn’t have to worry about being home alone while I was pregnant and worrying about something happening.

I know it’s not for everyone, but it’s worked for us for this time in our lives.


#9

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