Marriage disintegration


#1

how many catholics are out there like me who want to live a faithful life but are caught in a marriage that has falen apart? I lived with a man for 20 years and was with him through a nervous breakdown and stayed with him through affairs and clinical depression. I was worn out and depressed myself and he left me. I admit I was not the wife I should have been to him at the time.

I have been alone without him for a year and a half and am trying to move on. Some days are great but nights on weekends are hard.

Am I unusual? Is there a large group of Catholics like me who somehow have seen their world shred?


#2

I am sorry you are going through this. I read on another post of yours that he does not want to go to counseling. Why don’t you go for yourself-- it might do you a lot of good to talk to a Catholic counselor. Call Catholic Charities.


#3

yes… i am one of those… all i can say is that it gets better after a while…

keep yourself busy and you will find yourself getting happier…


#4

I don’t know how large the group is, but we are out there. Erm… or out here, here at CAF. :slight_smile:

I don’t have advice, but Mariam1976 is probably right - it does get better eventually.


#5

It definitely does get better, and I would second the advice to attend counseling. Now that you no longer are living in the chaos and turmoil of an unhealthy marriage, what you really need to do is find a way of letting go of some of that guilt that you seem to have. There is hope and happiness even after the end of a marriage.


#6

It took me many years to realize that it is better to be alone than to wish you were.

I have been in your position before… believe me - it will get better.


#7

You’re definately not alone! I don’t think Catholics with marital problems like to “come out” much, there is still a little bit of a stigma.

I would rather be alone than with the wrong person anyday. God has made sure that my divorce had the end result of bringing me closer to Him and to the Church. How could I complain about that?

Lean on Jesus during your hard times. Weekends are still lonely for me but I try to plan outings with friends or special things to do by myself that I had to put aside in the past. Maybe find a chapel or church that’s open 24/7. It has helped me a lot to be able to run just down the street to Adoration anytime things get me down.

Do things for other people. It takes you out of your own head and helps you see the good in others.


#8

Our parish has a divorced Catholics support group. Maybe a local parish does too?

C


#9

I am in the same boat, also after nearly twenty years everything fell in shreds. It takes time. Sometimes it seems awful, then I realize how much better I am this year than last, and how much better last year was than the year before. I am sure next year will go even better than this. Its slow but definately steady improvement. Its normal to mourn for how things were or should have been - in my case it was the hope I held onto so long and so strong never being realized. Its a death as well.

Sometimes I nearly fall into despair, and those times I remember those who have it much worse than I. I usually think of Moms who are taking their kids to chemotherapy today. That immediately removes me from that precipice of despair, and makes me realize how much I do have to be grateful for. Despair for me is always a sign that the devil is meddling in my life. But that seemingly powerful devil becomes a weak coward who flees at the sight of mere plastic and water (rosary and holy water).

When I realize I have let depression creep in to the point of despair, I re-evaluate. Frequently my diet has not been healthy, or I have not had enough sleep or exercise, or I have let myself entertain my worries (and there are many things to worry about - but, we are told: “Be anxious for nothing” - so we must obey, and instead, pray about everything), or I have not been around people enough and instead have become absorbed with my own concerns. Not that its not okay to grieve. We need to grieve our losses. But also do these other things.

Here after a very gray April, we are having so lovely weather, and sun! It makes everyone happier.


#10

Hi, I’m one of those divorcing Catholics who never dreamed I would be in this state when I married over 16 years ago. Unfortunately, sometimes things happen where it is impossible to continue a marriage, especially when unrepentent adultery is the cause. It was not a healthy situation to remain in for me, or ultimately, for my kids. We have been separated since September, and are seeking divorce, and maybe a decree of nullity, although the way I feel right now, I have zero interest in being with anyone ever again.


#11

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