I am in the same boat, also after nearly twenty years everything fell in shreds. It takes time. Sometimes it seems awful, then I realize how much better I am this year than last, and how much better last year was than the year before. I am sure next year will go even better than this. Its slow but definately steady improvement. Its normal to mourn for how things were or should have been - in my case it was the hope I held onto so long and so strong never being realized. Its a death as well.
Sometimes I nearly fall into despair, and those times I remember those who have it much worse than I. I usually think of Moms who are taking their kids to chemotherapy today. That immediately removes me from that precipice of despair, and makes me realize how much I do have to be grateful for. Despair for me is always a sign that the devil is meddling in my life. But that seemingly powerful devil becomes a weak coward who flees at the sight of mere plastic and water (rosary and holy water).
When I realize I have let depression creep in to the point of despair, I re-evaluate. Frequently my diet has not been healthy, or I have not had enough sleep or exercise, or I have let myself entertain my worries (and there are many things to worry about - but, we are told: “Be anxious for nothing” - so we must obey, and instead, pray about everything), or I have not been around people enough and instead have become absorbed with my own concerns. Not that its not okay to grieve. We need to grieve our losses. But also do these other things.
Here after a very gray April, we are having so lovely weather, and sun! It makes everyone happier.